My (38/F) ex-fiance ghosted me (39/M) before our wedding. It’s been 16 years and now she wants to talk it over again. Should we reopen closed wounds?

A man was left heartbroken 16 years ago when his fiancée disappeared just before their wedding, cutting off all communication. Now, after years of silence, she’s reached out, asking to meet in person to explain her actions. He’s torn between rekindling old feelings and protecting himself from potential heartbreak. Should he give her a chance or let the past stay in the past?

‘ My (38/F) ex-fiance ghosted me (39/M) before our wedding. It’s been 16 years and now she wants to talk it over again. Should we reopen closed wounds?’

I was never given an explanation. She just left and told nobody. It was literally right before our big wedding ceremony. She didn’t leave a note, nothing, just left. Even her family were left baffled. She just up and left. We had dated all through HS and all through College.

She eventually returned but, not too me. I had to learn via third party (her Parents) she had no intentions of coming home. She wanted nothing to do with me and told her Parents to avoid having me around. I never got a choice in the matter. I respected her wishes. I never understood why she did it.

My only guess was she had a mental breakdown because, she cut off all contact with everyone. We were both young and still growing. I don’t know but, I’ve struggled with it since.

Out of the blue she DM’s me on Facebook after all these years and wants to meet up. I’m an influx of emotions right now. Angry, nervous, hopeful, sad. I…I still have feelings for her. I don’t know if I could take her back. But, looking at her Facebook makes me miss her. She’s even better looking then she was before and SINGLE.

I’m conflicted. She won’t talk about anything as to why she left. She said it’s best to do so in person. The only thing I can tell is from her facebook is a bunch of stuff about her being weak and living a life full of shame and regret and being lonely. This is dumb.

She ghosted me and I should wnat nothing to do with her but, damnit i still have feelings for her.. I never stopped thinking about her. What should I do? Ghost her in return? Call her out? See where this “date” takes us?.

tl;dr Ex-fiancé DMed me on Facebook wanting to meet up for a “date”. I haven’t spoken to her in 15+ years.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

BootyCladDad −  First off, damn OP that’s rough. 16 years is a long time, would meeting up with her set you back in the time you’ve spent getting over this or will it give you the closer you never found?

olatundew −  I was thinking “talk to her, get some closure” right up until this: She’s even better looking then she was before and SINGLE. This is not going to have a happy ending.

bleuturtle47 −  She ghosted you for 16 years….I wouldn’t even respond. It seems like you need closure but as everyone else says, 16 years is a long time and you yourself have probably changed quite a bit as well. I would go into this meeting with the intent for closure but nothing else. Remember, she ghosted you before your wedding for 16 years!

[Reddit User] −  I’ve been in your situation. Although, she returned after a year (edit: I think it was 2 years) and tried to make things like they used to be. **I’m gonna tell you something very important: Her explanation will not be enough and it will not be closure**

You’re probably a stronger better person these days, I hope, so meeting with her might not set you back. It will probably upset you because **nobody** should ever be ghosted like you were. There is no excuse. The weeks, months, maybe even years where you were left wondering are over.

They don’t matter. You’ve lived on just fine after awhile and nothing she says will change that. Meet her if you want, but she doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of “at least I told him” without being told off for it.. Best of luck.

justkillintime99 −  Just remember that you still have feelings for the person she was. That person is no longer exists. Remember that. Go see her if you need closure but remember she is not the person you fell in love with.

rougatre7 −  She had a lot of opportunities to explain:.

1. Before the wedding..

2. After she left..

3. When she went back to town..

4. When she talked to her parents.

5. Right there when she sent a Facebook message. She has avoided all these for 16 years and even told her parents that she didn’t want anything to do with you.

Now that she only wants to explain in person, I think she just wants to use it as a hook to make you agree to personally see her, an opportunity to push her new agenda while you’re vulnerable. Love yourself and do not go back to this horrible and selfish person. It’s not like she was kidnapped or something!

gark218 −  Ask her to write a letter to you about what happened. Then read it and decide if you want to meet in person..?

SmallSacrifice −  Are YOU single? Closure can only be found within yourself. If you have not moved on in 16 years, therapy will help you more than meeting her.

You two were barely even adults when she abandoned you. She is now approaching mid-life crisis age and trying to go back to when she was a kid with you because she hasn’t managed to grow and mature into a person she is satisfied with. It sounds like you have been similarly stunted.. Cut contact and find therapy.

yeahnotmymainaccount −  Nah. You are still in love with who you thought she was. Remember what she did and how she did it. She does not deserve your forgiveness or sympathy. Leave her in the past. The only thing this date will lead to is breaking your heart again.

bigboxguy −  Do you look at old tax returns? No. Delete her message and go on with your life.

When the past knocks on your door, do you let it in or keep it closed? Should he meet her for closure, risk reopening old wounds, or move on? Share your thoughts below!