My (38 F) boyfriend (50M)wants his kids to call me mum. Is this weird?

A Reddit user (38F) shared her situation about blending families with her boyfriend (50M), who insists his daughters call her “Mum.” While her own sons call him “Dad,” she feels conflicted about the pressure, especially since his daughters already have a mother. After a heated confrontation with his ex, she’s left wondering if this dynamic is healthy or a potential red flag. Read the full story below for more details.

‘ My (38 F) boyfriend (50M)wants his kids to call me mum. Is this weird?’

Right so I’ve got 2 boys and he’s got 2 Girls, similar ages (range 5-10). We’ve been going out almost a year now, and also both of us have custody of our kids. My kids Dad is not involved at all, whereas his ex has the girls for one weekend every month or so. When we first moved it, he told my boys they can call him Dad, which was sweet, because they’ve never had a real father before.

Initially his girls called me Dana (my name) but about a month ago he corrected them, saying that it’s ’Mum, not Dana’. Thought it was weird but I brushed it off. However this has consistently happened. I asked him last week why he’s doing this and he said it’s because we’re a real family now and if my kids call him Dad then why can’t his daughters call me mum. I understood it, but they already have a mum?

Maybe I’m overreacting because we all live together, and I think he just wants a stable life for his girls, especially since his ex had various issues and the girls have been receiving therapy to deal with all sorts of issues due to their mother. What made me write this post was what happened this afternoon, his ex dropped the girls off and one of them asked ‘what’s mum (me) making for dinner’. His ex started screaming and they had a huge argument on our front porch.

I just don’t know how to feel about this, because he’s just so insistent that they call me Mum, and I just feel like as much as I love them, I don’t want to replace their real mother. Edit: okay so I thought I better edit this because I feel like I’ve been a bit vague and made it seem weirder than it is, but I could be wrong since I don’t have the best track record.

About my boys calling him dad , it started because my oldest son accidentally called him dad a couple of times and he literally just said to both of my boys that they can call him whatever they want and dad is fine. They don’t always call him dad though. About it being a very fast relationship , I am wary about going too fast especially with a situation I had with an ex, and I truly believe that this is a good relationship. I’ve known him for a long time. (he’s my brother’s best friend.) And he’s just a very lovely man. also, he’s known my kids for a while because he’s been giving the music lessons for the past couple of years.

Also, he’s only ever been super forceful about the whole mum thing the one time he corrected his daughter but the rest of the time he’s quite casual about it and just reminds them that they don’t have to call me by my name. I’ve seen a lot of comments saying that he’s looking for a young hot wife to basically nanny his kids and not to try and defend him or anything but we both work full-time and his ex is actually younger than me. Not too sure if that’s irrelevant but whatever.

Maybe I’m being a massive i**ot and this is a huge red flag. But I think what he’s trying to do is create a happy family for his daughters. I know he feels like he didn’t give his girls the family that they deserved and I believe he is honestly trying to give them a good life. He’s a super involved dad. Like I said, maybe I’m being crazy for defending him but honestly reading these comments scared me a little bit.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

BriefHorror −  This is not sweet this is red flag so vibrant I think it blinded you. I highly doubt your kids found it sweet some random old man is telling them call me dad.

nurseasaurus −  Only a year??? Living together already with all those kids?? Girl what possessed you. This is bizarre because they already have a mom, and I’m not sure encouraging your kids to call him Dad is good either???

Life_Scratch_2807 −  This is a huge red flag. It’s been less than a year and they have a living mother. I would be suspicious if he isn’t doing it to mess with her in some way.

edoyle2021 −  You’re not even married and it’s been only a year. Don’t do this to the kids.

lydocia −  Almost a year is barely long enough to meet the kids, let alone be a stepmother. This is way too much way too fast. Is it a good relationship or do you get the sense that he’s just looking for a mother for his kids?

CaptainBeefy79 −  To me, it feels like a big red flag that he’s forcing the issue so much. Healthy relationships aren’t forced, they’re worked on and developed over time.

onedayatatime08 −  There’s a very clear difference. He said that your kids CAN call him dad. As they have no other fatherly figure, it seems they were happy to do so. He’s not giving his children a choice and that may cause resentment because they have a mom and you aren’t in any way their mom. You aren’t a step mom, nor biological, nor adopted or foster. If his kids wanted to call you mum, let them do that if they want to. Not because he wants them to or is making them do so. That’s not a good way to form a relationship with them.

Ruthless_Bunny −  So you’re being groomed to be the bang-nanny. Open your eyes. This is m**ipulative AF

sharperview −  You should be careful with your choices since you have children. You’re introducing them way too early to significant others let alone moving in with them. Your post history shows you left an abusive relationship so your perspective is probably skewed. This relationship might be better, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

phoenix25 −  I think his wishes should be irrelevant: kids should be allowed to make this decision at their own pace. It doesn’t matter if your title is your name, Stepmom, Mom, etc – that’s a personal decision they can make. Now that it’s an issue that’s dragging the kids into their conflict, it’s especially important that the kids get to choose. Your boyfriend needs to stay in his lane.