My (37F) mom (58F) ignored my pregnancy announcement, how to move on from this?

A woman (37F) announces her long-awaited pregnancy to her family after years of infertility, only to be met with silence from her mother (58F). Their relationship, already strained by political and religious differences, takes another hit as the mother claims she is “praying on how to respond.”

The woman is now grappling with the idea of lowering contact to protect her peace and the joy of her pregnancy. How can she move forward from this hurt? Read the full story below.

‘ My (37F) mom (58F) ignored my pregnancy announcement, how to move on from this?’

My parents had me pretty young and I’m an only child. When I was a teenager, they converted to an evangelical church and became really involved in religion and conservative politics. I ended up marrying very young as well and was pressured to start a family right away.

After several miscarriages and 15+ years of infertility, I was able to get and stay pregnant with IVF this fall. My mom and I have had a complicated relationship especially because of differing politics. She says she wants to know what’s going on in my life but then doesn’t participate in the conversation so I’ve started waiting for her to initiate.

She was upset when I didn’t tell her about starting IVF but then made comments that she didn’t believe in the morality of IVF (namely potential destruction of embryos). Every time I gave an update like “egg retrieval surgery is this weekend” she would said “ok good luck”.

I started to get burnt out on it being a one sided conversation so I told her I was backing off until she wanted to know more. She didn’t say anything for 2 months. So I got pregnant and got clearance to move to a high risk OB. I’m not out of the woods but at 11 weeks I wanted to tell my family.

I texted both of my parents asking if we could get together. My mom said she was too busy working. I decided to send my happy news in text instead of waiting. My dad called me immediately and was very sweet. My mom said nothing. It’s been almost 3 days and still nothing.

My husband knew how upset I was and texted her to let her know how disappointed we were to not hear from her. She responded that she didn’t know what to say so she was praying on how to respond. She also said that we purposely keep her out of the loop so she doesn’t respond in the way we want and end up making her the villain.

She did eventually text me to say she was busy until that afternoon and wanted to call me. I was too upset and let her know I needed some space. I let the rest of my family (aunts, uncles, grandma) know and their overwhelming support and happiness just made my mom’s lack of response all the more poignant.

How do I move forward? I’m coming to terms that I may need to be low contact and not have her as a central figure in this baby’s life. I just don’t know how to forge through with a relationship when I’m so utterly disappointed.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

womenaremyfavguy −  I’m the same age as you and also have a mom who’s ghosted me many times. I realized long ago that I don’t want someone this unreliable to be a central figure in my future children’s lives. 

L0veConnects −  There is a book called * mother hunger*, I highly suggest you read it. Do not let your mother cause you any stress during your pregnancy. You and your baby don’t deserve or need any extra cortisol production.

You said the relationship is fraught, but your expectation of her changing when she hears you are pregnant isn’t realistic. It’s based in trauma not in reality. She isn’t a good mother. She hasn’t learned how to be one…but you can be, for your child. Do the work that you know your mom should have.

Scary_Ad_2862 −  Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope it all goes well for you. I’m thrilled you have this chance. Unfortunately, your mother won’t be who you need or want or hope for. She has shown she can’t put aside her issues to support you. Take some time to process it and your own feelings and look after yourself.

It’s okay to take the time you need to decide what kind of relationship you want with your parents. It can help to talk this through with a therapist/psychologist. But please take care of yourself with this pregnancy; that’s your priority; not your parents. Let themselves sort themselves out.

potenttechnicality −  Have you talked to your dad about your mom?

Enough_Insect4823 −  Please cut her out now before you have the baby and she starts using it as a weapon to hurt you further. She’ll ignore you or belittle you the entire pregnancy and once the baby is here she’ll demand alone time and criticize your parenting until you may genuinely want to hurt yourself

*because this is an incredibly vulnerable time in your life*. This is the time in your life to put yourself first aggressively. Not advocating for yourself could have serious fall out for that baby that you had to bend yourself backwards to get. (I went through IVf and cried every shot).

Motherhood can be isolating and lonely and anyone who makes that feel worse should be cut out with a quickness. She is a bad mother. I’m sorry, you deserved a kinder mom. The good news is you are going to be someone’s kind and loving mother, but not if you let her steal your happiness. Don’t give up an ounce of it to please or pursue her.

InnerRadio7 −  I’m sorry, but I think you move forward with mom having a very limited role in your life. She needs to pray on it? A child is a blessing…religious fanatics are the worst. Destruction of embryos? Really? Women’s body’s don’t implant all embryos, and as you know OP, our bodies also miscarry.

Whatever is going on with your mom, she has lost her compassion for the human being that she grew in her uterus. How is that a reflection of God’s will? Protect your peace OP, and get help from a therapist. This is a more common issue than it ought to be, and you need real support and guidance in an ongoing fashion.

Keep your distance from mom for the next little while, I’m feeling like a dose of irony would really help….but it’s not the way most people would handle it! “Mom, I prayed on it, and I decided to choose protecting my peace and enjoying my pregnancy rather than playing these games with you.

God never made you the one in charge of judging the sins of mankind, and I’m having a hard time understanding why you think he has. Jesus died for our sins, and it’s strange that you believe you somehow you’re serving that legacy by choosing to ruin the joy of my baby announcement. I’ll speak to you in 3-9 months. Please don’t contact me.”

bippityboppitynope −  It’s okay to go low contact with people who are s**tty, even if one of them is a parent.

WinAccomplished4111 −  You already have a high risk pregnancy. You do not need the added stress right now. Put your mom on the back burner for now and reassess your relationship after the baby is born. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Please keep yourself calm and safe. 🩷 Sending good vibes

PrudenceApproved −  When that baby comes you’ll just be over your mom. Because you’ll see that sweet face and think “I could never treat you like how my Mother has treated me”. And your heart will break.

Ok_Introduction9466 −  I think you should go no contact with your mom. I’m a mom now and I can’t imagine at any age expecting my child to be the responsible party in keeping our relationship going. She’s being awful to you. Surround yourself with people who love you and are happy for you and forget the rest.

Pregnancy is such a fragile time so focus on yourself. Your mom seems like she has narcissistic tendencies and she’s flipping everything she does wrong on her child. How sad for her. She’ll be the one missing out. Lean on your dad, don’t even bring it up to him.

My therapist always tells me it’s important for children to have at least one parent they can lean on emotionally and as long as you have that you’re in good shape. I’m not an expert but I think that carries into adulthood. Forget your mom it’s her loss. Congrats on your pregnancy, i really wish you the best.

Navigating relationships with loved ones who fail to show up during pivotal moments is never easy. Should she accept the limited emotional support her mother offers or set boundaries to protect her peace? How would you handle a loved one’s lack of response to joyous news? Share your thoughts below!