My (36M) sister ( 28F) and brother (26M) feel guilty because I didn’t have the same chances they had. They want to take care of me. I’m just happy they could achieve their dream and just want to keep living my life.

A Reddit user shared their heartwarming yet complex family story about stepping up to raise their two younger siblings after the tragic loss of their parents. Despite sacrificing their own dreams, the user finds joy in seeing their siblings succeed in life—one as a doctor and the other working in a flower shop he loves.

However, after a recent injury, the siblings feel guilty about the sacrifices their older brother made and want to support him, even offering him a place to live or a job. The user, content with his life and independence, seeks advice on how to assure his siblings that their happiness is his ultimate reward. Read the full story below for a tale of selflessness and family love.

‘ My (36M) sister ( 28F) and brother (26M) feel guilty because I didn’t have the same chances they had. They want to take care of me. I’m just happy they could achieve their dream and just want to keep living my life.’

I (36M) have 2 siblings, Lena (28F) and Mark (26M). I have been taking care of them for most of my life. When I was 20, our parents died in an accident and I had to step up to take care of Mark and Lena. We didn’t have any close relative, except for our grandma, who was too sick to take care care of us. I retired from university and got a job.

Somehow we managed to survive, thanks to my work, our parents’ inheritance and our grandma, who sent us money sometime. While they were growing up, there were many times I believed we couldn’t keep living like that but I always tried to not show I was worried in front of them and to act as if everything was fine.

When Lena was 17, she decided she wanted to be a doctor like our father. I don’t know how we managed to pay for her university ( it was a joint effort of me, Lena, Mark and grandma) but she was able to graduate. Grandma had been stuck in bed since I was 18 but she did the impossible to come to Lena’s graduation ceremony.

She basically came on a wheelchair with her doctor on one side and me on the other.Mark loves flower since he was little and always said he wanted to work in a flower shop. That’s exactly what he is doing now. It’s not thrilling but it’s a good job where he is able to do what he likes, so I’m happy for him. Lena got married 2 years ago with Tom.

He is a bit too innocent but all in all he is a good man. I work for a moving company. The salary is not the best but now that Lena and Mark are independent, it’s enough to live my life and I’m slowly paying back my debts. I can’t afford many luxuries but I don’t care about that. I’m not a fancy person; as long as I’m healthy and I have a roof over my head and a book in my hands, I’m happy.

Unfortunately my siblings don’t agree with my way of thinking. They feel guilty because I couldn’t go to college and couldn’t get a better job and they blame themselves for this. I have told them a thousand of times that I don’t care about that anymore and that I’m just happy they could achieve their dreams and live a comfortable life.

In the past 2 years I was able to convince them to let it go. Recently, though, I had a minor accident. Nothing serious, a desk fell on my hand and I broke two fingers. The doctor said they will heal in a couple of months. Unfortunately, this made Lena and Mark worry again about me. Lena wants me to go live with her and her husband and Mark wants me to work in his flower shop.

I don’t want to be a burden to them, I don’t want to interfere in my sister’s wedding and I don’t want my brother to give me a job out of pity. How can I convince them I’m fine with my life and just want them to be happy and move on with their lives?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

blumoon138 −  I’m going to be blunt: you are letting your pride hurt your relationships with your siblings. Look how you describe your relationship with your siblings. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want their pity. I don’t want to interfere. I’m going to translate that for you: you’re scared to need anything from anyone because of your trauma of losing your parents.

That doesn’t mean you have to move in with your sister or take a job you don’t want. But it does mean that it’s not normal or healthy to do life without relying on the support of others. Your siblings want to help you, and the best way to get them to stop would be to give them suggestions of real help that will get you where you want to go for the next part of your life.

Maybe that’s helping you pay off some of your debt into an interest free loan from them so you can focus on retraining for a new job. Maybe it’s helping you network to learn more about possible careers or find investors in a business of your own. I don’t know, but you have three successful people who want to help you succeed.

Last, I suggest you read the essay the Sandwich Means I Love You by Captain Awkward. When you refuse the help of others, you are subconsciously telling them “I don’t want to give you opportunities to love me.” Which I’m sure is not what you want to say.

ConsistentCheesecake −  Your brother isn’t offering you a job out of pity. He wants to help you like you’ve helped him, because he loves you—and same with your sister. They don’t see you as a burden! They want to help take care of you the way you’ve taken care of them.

If you truly don’t need it, tell them so. But if your normal job is performing hard manual labor, you’ve recently injured yourself so you can’t work for a while, AND you’re nearing 40…don’t you think you might need some help here? Maybe finding a job that will put less strain on your body? Or helping you with bills while your fingers heal?. Consider letting them help you.

MLeek −  At some point, you have to trust your siblings are adults and are capable of offering you gifts or support with sincerity, and not just out of childhood guilt. You’re infantilizing them when you refuse to even consider thier suggestions or gifts. They are adults.

They can choose what they can afford to offer someone they care for, and how they want to live their own adult lives. That includes offers they make to you, and suggestions about how you can be a part of their lives. Learn to accept some support graciously from people who care for you.

Doesn’t mean you have to accept every thing, or do things you don’t want to do, but seriously, get the stick outta your ass, and give them the gift of trust and respect as fellow adults. Trust them to be sincere and thoughtful in what they are offering. Respect them enough to say Thank You,

or No Thank You, instead of continuously re-enacting your roles from childhood with them and tell them you don’t trust them to be acting out of anything but guilt. They are sensible and capable young adults. You get a lot of credit for them being that way. Learn to treat them as such.

amphetamine709 −  OP, I’m going to take a different direction here; I’m in love with a man who, like you, struggles to receive and accept love for what it is, struggles to believe he is not a burden and that I do things for him because I truly want to. Doing things for him literally lights my heart up. I love to love him.

It is so difficult and so so so painful to repeatedly be told that he likes (whatever the gesture was), but to please not waste my time on him, that he knows I am busy, tired, etc. I know him well enough by now (and yes, we have discussed it) to know that this pushback isn’t because he doesn’t want to be loved, it is because he fears it, feels unworthy of it, fears he is a burden.(Yes, he is in therapy.)

OP, on behalf of anyone in your life who loves you, I want you to know that some of our greatest joys in life is giving love and knowing it has been received. You are not a burden, nor a pity party. You are worthy of being loved and it lights up my f**king life to love that man and I am sure your siblings would be just as overjoyed to be able to give to you.

ADHDelightful −  I don’t want to be a burden to them….I don’t want my brother to give me a job out of pity. Is that why you gave up so much to raise your brother and sister? Pity? Was that how you felt about them? That they were a burden? Why are you the only one allowed to make sacrifices for your family members? You literally gave up your future to ensure theirs.

It may not have felt like you had a choice, but you really did. You could have looked after yourself, finished school, and built a comfortable life by now. Your siblings would have survived. I have told them a thousand of times that I don’t care about that anymore and that I’m just happy they could achieve their dreams and live a comfortable life.

You may have made peace with your decision but you are deluding yourself if you think your brother and sister do not know exactly how much you put yourself behind so they could get a good start in life. They are adults and have been so for long enough enough to truly understand and appreciate what you did for them, and they will never be able to forget it.

At this point you are doing them a disservice by not allowing them to balance the scales, if only a little bit. It is time you learn to allow yourself to receive help, not just give it.

stink3rbelle −  as long as I’m healthy. Yeah your job is not going to keep you healthy. You helped your siblings, why would you turn your nose up at them returning the favor? You’re only 36, dude, and the work you’re doing now will wipe you out faster than usual retirement age.

ohyerasofa −  Here’s the thing. You were given an incredibly difficult job at a particularly young age. You had to give up your vision of your future to do this job. You’ve done your job. You did it so well both your siblings are thriving, happy, financially secure members of society. Great! Now it’s your turn. What do you ultimately want?

Right now you have a physically demanding job that I’m not certain is sustainable for the long run. Now you get to decide where you want to be in 20 years. Do you want to go back to school? Learn a trade? The world is your oyster. You incurred debt because of your siblings.

You feel they don’t owe you anything. If the roles were reversed wouldn’t you feel the need to return something? The people that you raised are good people that love you and want to return some of the goodness you gave them. That’s a sign of just how much you did right.

grownupdirtbagbaby −  I think people enjoy doing nice things for people they love. I think sometimes we feel like we are being selfish by allowing others to help us. Sometimes oddly enough it can be a little selfish not to let loved ones help. Sounds like a really nice family you have and I admire how you’ve all gotten through something as difficult as this.

Kaiser93 −  Dude, listen to me. Your siblings are not treating you like a burden. They want to repay you for your efforts. There is nothing wrong with accepting help.
Right now, you are letting your pride hurt the relationship between you and your siblings. Stop that. Yes, what you did was amazing. But let others take care of you for once.

tossaway78701 −  I think you have forgotten that love is a two way street. If you just give and never receive then they will always feel as 8f they should have done more. Practice receiving outside of your comfort zone. If you are not working for a few weeks go visit Lena and Tom and practice not feeling like a burden. Just go “be”.

Go visit Mark and see what the flower shop work is all about and seriously consider it as a back up job possibility. Moving company is hard on the body and it could be a healthy option.
You don’t have to accept their bigger offers just try on the possibility. Do you have time off to try this?