My (36F) husband (41M) has some disturbing requests for after he’s passed away.

A Redditor shared an unusual dilemma regarding her husband’s end-of-life requests. After a discussion about his wishes, he revealed a desire for his skull to be displayed on their mantelpiece with blue gemstone eyes made from his remains.

While he sees this as a legacy to pass down through generations, she finds the request deeply unsettling and struggles with how to honor his wishes while respecting her own boundaries. Read the original story below to explore this unique situation.

‘ My (36F) husband (41M) has some disturbing requests for after he’s passed away.’

This one is really bizarre, and I’m sorry ahead of time. My husband of 12 years has had some medical problems recently. The topic about end of life plans came up, and I asked if he wanted to be buried. He didn’t want that. Nor did he want to be cremated. My husband wants me to have his skull taken from his body and cleaned.

Then he wants that skull put on the mantelpiece in the living room. The rest of his body he wants sent to one of those places that makes the gems out of bodies and made into two blue diamonds. He then wants those gems to be put in the eye socket of the skull to look like eyes. Then he can “watch the family home” and “be passed down through the generations”.

My husband has always had a m**bid/culturally insensitive sense of humour. As such, when he’d mentioned it before he was sick, I thought he was joking. Turns out, he is not joking. He even asked me to do it too so our skulls and matching eye gems can stay above the fireplace together. I adamantly refused.

I tried talking to him, but he’s firm that this is what he wants. I told him that it made me uncomfortable, but he said it was also for our kids to have (who are not currently old enough to weigh in on this discussion). I asked if this was his way of trying to “live on” with the family even after d**th, and he said, “not really, no”.

I asked where he wanted the extra cremated remains from the gem company spread, and he told me that he didn’t want any remains, and to just have the biggest gems possible made and have the company dispose of the rest. I argued that he had no idea if his children would want the literal skull of their father.

Further, which child would take the skull after I died? And in two or three generations, how would he feel if/when his descendants just sold this bizarre human skull at a garage sale because it means nothing to them?

And finally, how was he going to feel about the fact that I, in my grief and trying to process the loss of him, would likely never take that skull out of the box, much less have to live with him “staring” at me every time I sat on the couch?

He essentially wasn’t worried or didn’t care about any of it. And regarding not taking it out of the box, it’s the only time he seemed upset. He told me that was what he wanted, and I’d be ignoring his final wishes. I told him that he didn’t have to live with those final wishes for years to come, but it didn’t matter.

Part of me wants to get over my feelings, but I can’t. I want to cry thinking of someone hacking apart my husband and handing me his bones, and I feel anxiety over the thought of putting that skull with his blue “eyes” in my home until I die. I’m fine if he wants a burial. I’m fine with cremation.

Viking funeral, that weird thing where they turn you into tree food, whatever. I’m even fine with the gems on their own. But this whole skull thing is really bothering me. He won’t budge, and he isn’t joking.

At this point I’m thinking I would just do a simple cremation after he passes and spread his ashes on our property, but that seems sneaky and dishonest. But there is absolutely no way that I can comfortably live with what he’s asking if he passes away before me. What do I do, Reddit?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

dysfunctional_vet −  I think he’s really underestimating the amount of carbon needed to create a gemstone. He’s not getting two eye-sized stones out of himself unless he’s 9’4″ and made of bison meat.

Diligent_Tomato −  If he has had an MRI could he compromise and have a 3D printed skull replica commissioned as an urn for his ashes?

jon_queer −  It might not be legal. There are a lot of regulations on handling human remains. So give him the task of researching the legality, finding companies that will do it, and determining the cost. And acquiring a term life insurance policy that would cover those costs.

He may discover that it’s not legal, and that will be that. Also, make sure he understands that if his gem/skull doesn’t match you future interior decorating choices, it will go in a box in the garage. And if none of the kids want it, they’ll sell it to an oddities shop.

LiriStorm −  …I don’t know what to say about the skull thing but maybe you could do the gems? Use part of his ashes to make a necklace pendant for each of your kids to receive at an appropriate age? That’s what my aunt and her sister did with their mothers ashes,

effectivelysingle −  So maybe this would be one of those don’t ask again, consider his recommendation a non binding suggestion, and do what seems prudent if or when he passes.

wcast66 −  Sounds to me as if he is worried about dying young and this is a way to assert some control and feel as if, in his own mind, he will still be living. Why not let him have his fantasy and then do what you need when he does pass on?

Daybreak74 −  I actually work in a funeral home, so perhaps I can shed some light on the subject. Other commenters are correct, the amount of remains required to make a diamond is enough for a couple of carats for sure oh, but it’s also extremely expensive.

And you’ve definitely given this some thought, what happens when none of the family members want this o**cenity in their home? Then what? I’m involved in pre-planning end-of-life situations, and sometimes there’s a lack of reality in what people want.

Ultimately, in my country at least, the responsibility falls to the executor and nobody else has any legal say whatsoever in the final disposition. That includes your husband.

I am going to give you one final bit of advice, you’ve used some very specific language in this post and it is very searchable. Once you got the answer you want, I strongly urge you to delete the post otherwise he may stumble across it when researching this himself.

minksjuniper −  Speaking as someone who lost their dad at 16 (11 years now) I can tell you it would be extremely disturbing to see his skull. For some m**bid, odd reason the thought has occurred to me once or twice that by now his corpse has probably withered away to the bone and as I picture him lying there, no longer looking like my dad but a skeleton, it’s a horrible image.

Please don’t actually do that to your kids they shouldn’t have to see that, it’s best if he is immortalized forever in their minds young… and whole. As an alternative, you could have his ashes made into enough gems for you and your kids (only if you can afford this of course) fitted on appropriate pieces of jewelry that each one could wear and carry him with them throughout life.

He could “be there” with his kids for all their milestones and achievements, but also a source of comfort and protection during hard times. This is probably what he really wants deep down and he has come up with the most fantastical and extreme way he could think of achieving this..

considerthechainrule −  Holy crap was I not prepared for this roller coaster or what. I am so sorry you are in this position OP

wolves_onlyroadway −  I think this is what people mean when they say they’re speechless

Is it more important to honor a loved one’s final wishes, even if they conflict with your personal feelings and comfort? How would you handle such a peculiar and emotional request? Share your thoughts and suggestions below!