My (36F) ex husband (38M) always told me he didn’t want kids, but got a new woman (23F) pregnant within weeks of our split. He now wants me to be an “auntie” to their baby and let them use my house. How do I begin to process this, and what do I tell him?

There are moments in life when you witness such an astonishing display of entitlement that you almost have to admire the sheer nerve. You know, the kind of request so outrageous it makes you pause, blink, and wonder if you’re being pranked. Like a boss who demands you work weekends but refuses to pay overtime. Or an ex who dumped you but still expects you to dog-sit while he’s on a romantic getaway. Society is full of these baffling cases of self-importance, but some truly go above and beyond—reaching heights so absurd they deserve a standing ovation for sheer audacity.

This brings us to today’s protagonist: a woman fresh out of a painful divorce, blindsided by her ex-husband’s sudden enthusiasm for fatherhood with a much younger girlfriend. If that wasn’t enough, he wants her to play the role of a doting “auntie” to his new child and grant him unlimited access to her backyard paradise. It’s the kind of plot twist that makes even soap operas look tame. But what does one do when faced with such a surreal request? That’s exactly what our OP (Original Poster) is trying to figure out.

‘ My (36F) ex husband (38M) always told me he didn’t want kids, but got a new woman (23F) pregnant within weeks of our split. He now wants me to be an “auntie” to their baby and let them use my house. How do I begin to process this, and what do I tell him?’

This scenario is a clear clash of expectations and lingering hurt. OP feels betrayed by her ex-husband, who shifted overnight from rejecting the idea of children to eagerly embracing fatherhood with a younger partner. His sudden reversal makes his earlier views seem insincere, and his request for OP to stay involved muddles the healthy boundaries needed after a divorce.

On one side, OP feels abandoned and exploited, having given years of support only to face unexpected demands that challenge her independence. On the other, her ex-husband mixes personal ambitions with controversial, racially tinged reasons to justify his actions. His push to include OP in his new family life ignores the emotional space that should follow a breakup. Ultimately, this conflict reflects broader issues about balancing personal identity, emotional boundaries, and societal expectations after a relationship ends.

Delving deeper, this case also highlights a larger societal issue: the struggle to redefine personal boundaries in the wake of a divorce. According to the American Psychological Association, clear boundary-setting post-divorce is critical to emotional recovery and long-term well-being (APA Boundaries Post-Divorce). Studies indicate that unresolved boundary issues can lead to prolonged stress and hinder the healing process.

In this instance, the ex-husband’s entitlement not only disrupts OP’s personal space but also symbolizes the often unaddressed imbalance between emotional labor and self-respect in modern relationships. This phenomenon underscores the need for a more compassionate, yet firm, re-establishment of personal limits.

Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist and relationship expert, has long observed that post-divorce dynamics require a delicate balance between closure and continued coexistence. In her discussions, she notes, “The challenge in post-divorce relationships is redefining roles without reopening old wounds.” (Esther Perel Blog).

Her insights emphasize that any attempt to maintain an intimate connection with an ex-partner must be carefully managed to avoid emotional exploitation. Applying this perspective, OP is under no obligation to accept roles that compromise her healing, and her ex-husband’s proposals should be critically re-evaluated against her personal needs.

Experts advise that individuals in similar situations focus on reclaiming their autonomy and establishing clear, non-negotiable boundaries. It is crucial for OP to communicate her limits assertively, perhaps by stating that while she wishes him well, her priority remains her personal well-being and recovery. By limiting contact to necessary communications, she can avoid falling into a dynamic that could further complicate her emotional landscape. Professional counseling or support groups can also provide guidance and reinforcement during this transitional period.

In summary, while the ex-husband’s behavior might be rationalized as an attempt to stay connected, the underlying issue remains one of inappropriate boundary violations and emotional neglect. OP should prioritize her healing by seeking professional advice, setting firm limits, and possibly distancing herself from interactions that undermine her progress. Through deliberate boundary-setting and support from trusted networks, she can navigate this challenging situation and reclaim control over her personal narrative.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community was overwhelmingly supportive of the author’s stance. Many users condemned the ex-husband’s manipulative demands and racially insensitive remarks, urging the author to maintain a firm no-contact policy.

A recurring sentiment was that the author deserved to reclaim her life and personal space without the burden of past grievances or ongoing control.These reactions underscore a shared belief in the necessity of establishing and defending personal boundaries.

Should OP prioritize her peace over societal pressure to “be the bigger person”? How do we dismantle the expectation that marginalized individuals must endlessly accommodate others’ toxicity? Share your thoughts: Is silence power, or does justice demand vocal boundaries?

This story isn’t just about a broken marriage—it’s a mirror held to systemic racism, gendered manipulation, and the courage to reclaim autonomy. Let’s discuss: What would you do in her shoes?