My (35M) wife (35F) keeps me awake all night if she can’t/won’t sleep.

A Reddit user shared their frustrations about their wife’s tendency to keep them awake at night whenever she can’t sleep, even though they work long hours as a surgeon. The wife, a stay-at-home mom to their two young children, refuses to sleep train their baby and insists on co-sleeping, which disrupts everyone’s rest.

Despite offering solutions like separate sleeping arrangements, the wife claims it would be unfair for him to sleep uninterrupted while she handles the children. As the husband struggles with exhaustion and increasing tension, the situation has reached a breaking point. Read the full story below to learn more.

‘ My (35M) wife (35F) keeps me awake all night if she can’t/won’t sleep. ‘

We have been married for 6 years. She is a SAHM to our 5 and 1 year old. I am a surgeon who works 12hour+ days from 7am. As the title says really. I should note that both of our kids are crap sleepers, particularly the second. She feeds him to sleep throughout the night and he sleeps in our bed.

This has happened several times but i will give an example. Last night we had severe winds, which she has trouble sleeping through. Because she couldn’t sleep, she kept waking me up every time i fell asleep. She was getting increasingly angry but claimed ear plugs weren’t working,

insulting me for sleeping through the storm. When our son woke up, she then handed him to me at around 1am. He absolutely hates being with anyone other than her over night so he hysterically cried with me for well over an hour. This all woke up my 5 year old as well.

Even after she took him back, she just continually woke me up every time i fell asleep. I think i got about an hours sleep last night overall, which obviously is not great in my line of work. This isn’t the first time this has happened. She claims i am snoring and repeatedly disrupt her sleep.

If she is fed up with my son feeding she’ll just hand him to me to cry but then take him back after an hour+ which just reinforces the crying. She has also done this when she’s just been up late on her phone watching TikTok’s. She also refuses to sleep train despite all this.

I stay up late with her after the kids are asleep helping around the house. She constantly complains that I never watch the kids and probably relax all day at work (I don’t) and don’t “deserve” to “sleep so much” (I don’t).

I am not as good a parent as her at all and don’t claim to be but when I’m home I do my best and always take the kids to give her time to herself. It is getting to the point where I am exhausted. She is able to lie in with the kids til 8/9 but I have to wake up at 5:30.

I don’t know what to do and how to resolve this dangerous situation. I have suggested sleeping in a different room for the snoring etc but she said it would be unfair for me to sleep uninterrupted while she is up with the kids.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

bwiy75 −  Make sure she understands that if someone dies because you weren’t able to perform, you’ll be sued to the ground and she’ll be living in a Motel 6.

N7BansheeBait −  Your wife sounds like an a**hole

charismatictictic −  Tell her you’ll sleep in a different room. If she wakes you up, you’ll sleep in a different house/hotel. Follow through if she doesn’t let you sleep. Always make sure to tell her that the hired help option is still on the table.

If nothing changes, ask yourself if it’s worth it to be in a relationship with someone you never see due to living in a hotel, who’s also a**sive.

TheFrenchRealtor −  Maybe try different houses all together? 😅

TrickleUp_ −  Unfortunately, she has her role and she’s not doing well with it. Your job demands precision and rest as a matter of life and d**th. This isn’t a situation where you can be that flexible as you have one of the most taxing jobs I can think of.

That being said, could you afford to get her some paid help during the day to alleviate her burden so that when night comes she is more rested and better able to focus on her responsibility?

rainyelfwich −  I’m praying this is ragebait. If I found out my surgeon had 1 hour of sleep I would be livid. You are putting people’s lives at risk.

Suzeli55 −  I think you should spend your 8 hours sleeping at the hospital if that is an option. Either that or get your own room with a lock and wear earplugs. You might try going to counselling with her. Your wife is inconsiderate about you and your patients, who deserve an awake surgeon.

MsCellophane −  Disallowing your partner to sleep at night is abuse. Full stop. You are being abused. I’m so sorry.

Zestyclose_Media_548 −  Can you afford a night nanny ? Can the wife go back to work and you get a day nanny. Does she need some post partum mental health treatment or has she always been a j**k?

UnusualPotato1515 −  Your wife is very unreasonable and selfish. She has little respect for you & your job – a surgeon relaxes all day?! She sounds like she is burnt mum from being SAHM, so have chat with her what would be best way to support her.

Maybe she doesnt like being SAHM & would it be better to go back to work & have the kids in daycare? She also needs to support you to be able to do your job & that means being well rested.

You f**king up at work from lack of sleep could make you lose your license & therefore livelihood, so your wife needs to support you in doing your job or else you guys will lose the (presumably) comfortable lifestyle you live & she will need to go back to work.