My (35F) fiancé (35M) won’t stop ‘fixing’ things around my house and it’s driving me crazy. What should I do

A Reddit user shared their frustration with their fiancé’s persistent need to “fix” things around their house, even when the projects are unnecessary and often end up being poorly done. Despite numerous requests to stop, the fiancé continues with these repairs, which has led to delays, additional costs, and a growing sense of stress.

The user is now questioning whether they should consider ending the relationship due to this ongoing issue. To read the full story and see how others are weighing in, check out the post below.

‘ My (35F) fiancé (35M) won’t stop ‘fixing’ things around my house and it’s driving me crazy. What should I do’

We have a great relationship in many ways. After 8 years together, we act like best friends, and I’ve never felt this comfortable and close with anyone else. Most of my other relationships had constant fights that eventually led to breaking up.

However, there’s one BIG issue that’s driving me to my breaking point: his strong will to fix things around the house. Half the time, these things don’t even need fixing, and 90% of the time, the results are horrible. It’s making me so depressed; I feel like my home is a constant construction zone.

I’ve begged him to stop so many times, but when I’m not looking, he does it again! I feel like I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I feel like im about to cry. I’m at my wits’ end and don’t know what to do anymore.

Not to mention it being embarrassing over the years to my friends, family, and roommates, it’s also been very costly! If this continues or if the current projects aren’t fully repaired, should I really consider breaking up? Should I keep trying to work this out?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

MorthaP −  After 8 years together, we act like best friends, and I’ve never felt this comfortable and close with anyone else. I feel like I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I feel like im about to cry. I’m at my wits’ end and don’t know what to do anymore.

don’t you see how those totally contradict each other? Who actually owns the house? You said ‘my’ home a couple times but then also ‘our’ home

lyingtattooist −  What are some examples of things he decided to fix that are now worse than before he started working on them?

lodebolt −  If he’s not going to listen and keeps causing damage instead of actually repairing your home, you may have to sit down and really think what is best for you mentally and financially.

MLeek −  I’d start by sitting him down and telling him that his pattern of behavoir, and his refusal to listen to you, is making you reconsider marrying him. Just be that damn direct. This one thing you do, and you keep doing, makes me so unhappy I am seriously questioning if I can marry you.

Do not get dragged into the ongoing details, but have 2-3 examples where he was asked not to, and he still did so or where his solution was more costly then the problem. Point out plainly to him that he appears to go ahead when you aren’t looking — which is a clear sign he understands you don’t want this.

Which rubs salt in the wound. He knows he’s hurting you. It’s time to make sure he knows how deeply and what the consequences will be. The particular repairs aren’t the problem. This isn’t about his opinion on the details. The pattern is the problem.

You don’t want this to continue. He needs to use his energy in different ways, and he needs to stop going behind your back. If he has priorities of things he wants to achieve around the house, those need to be conversations, not him just deciding to pick up tools and go for it.

Even if the home wasn’t owned by you, this would still be the case in a healthy marriage. I’d shot the shot across his bow that directly: This stops or we don’t get married. If he continues todo this, you need to assume he does not value that kind of healthy marriage or your comfort in the shared space. Then you DTMF.

decaturbob −  – you set a boundary, he ignores it….you only have 2 choices here. Put up or leave the relationship.

Middle_Brick −  This sounds terrible for you. Home is generally a sanctuary, but yours is not due to unfinished projects. It sounds a bit like hoarding, compulsive and is not impacted by the concerns or misery of those who live in it with them. He doesn’t stop when you ask, so he either can’t, or just won’t. The ball is in your court.

Puzzleheaded_Gear622 −  If you talked about this several times and he doesn’t care or has some kind of weird compulsion to keep doing this in spite of your wishes then you have to let him know that this is a line in the sand. If you own the home it’s time for you to tell him to find other living arrangements.

Doesn’t mean you have to break up, just means he has no respect for you or your home and that’s not going to get any better because it is making you deeply unhappy and stressed.

If you own the home together then you’re going to have to figure out how to deal with this but you have used the word my when it comes to the home so I’m assuming that you own it.

You have to tell him he needs to live elsewhere that this is affecting your mental health but also look at the whole relationship because this is horrifically disrespectful to you and it’s obvious he doesn’t care how you feel! Let that sink in.

allyearswift −  You expressed yourself clearly: please don’t do this thing. He keeps doing the thing. Your need for a safe home isn’t important to him.
Do you want this to be your reality?

zomanda −  Sounds like this is your home. Also sounds like he’s setting things up for a claim for services or partial ownership if the two of you split. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Put your home in a trust, keep all of the receipts for the repairs caused by his repairs, and write him a formal request to stop doing things around the house. Do not be shy or embarrassed to protect your self interest, you don’t have to be a victim.