My [34M] wife [28F] wants to name our baby after her dead ex-boyfriend
A Redditor (34M) shared that his wife (28F), after learning of the death of her ex-boyfriend in a motorcycle accident, expressed a desire to name their baby after him. The ex-boyfriend had been abusive, and while the wife had ended the relationship and married the Redditor, the request made him uncomfortable.
Despite explaining his concerns, the wife was upset and unwilling to discuss it. The Redditor wonders if he’s in the wrong for feeling uneasy about the situation, especially given the emotional nature of the moment. Read the original story below…
‘ My [34M] wife [28F] wants to name our baby after her dead ex-boyfriend’
When my wife and I met, she had broken up with her boyfriend almost a year prior. We went on a couple of dates until I noticed she slowly stopped talking to me. I found out she had gotten back with her boyfriend. We remained friendly since we would run into each other at the gym (that’s how we met). A year later, they break up.
I decided to go for it again and asked her out. She was pretty upfront about him and I learned that they have been off-and-on for almost four years. She left him because he started to get abusive. We get married a little over a year later. A few months later, she gets pregnant.
Last week, I was sitting in the kitchen studying until I heard my wife yell out, crying. I ran over to her to ask her what was wrong. She had difficulty speaking, but, she eventually showed me a post on facebook that a mutual friend between her and her ex had posted. Her ex had gotten into a motorcycle accident and had died.
My wife was/is an avid motorcyclist who stopped riding once she got pregnant. She knew how passionate he was about motorcycle riding just as much as her and how tragic it is. I console my wife and help her get to bed, letting her know that I’m here for her.
I didn’t think much about the whole thing until my wife told me last night that she wants to name our baby after him. I hesitated for a bit and told her that I feel uncomfortable with it. For one, it’s her ex. Second, he was abusive. Why would she want to honor someone like that?
My wife got pretty upset and just wouldn’t hear me out on my reasons. She won’t talk to me at all. Am I really in the wrong here? I’m just thinking that my wife is extremely emotional at the moment since she’s pregnant and trying to process he ex’s death.. Any advice?
Update here: UPDATE: My [34M] wife [28F] wants to name our baby after her dead ex-boyfriend
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
FroggyMcnasty − Okay I’ll be the a**hole here. Is the kid yours? She’s left you for him before, you got married really quickly, and she got pregnant shortly after. It doesn’t exactly sound like she was over him given her response and wanting to name the kid after him.. On the not a**hole side.
You are absolutely correct in not wanting to have your child named after her ex, that’s an incredibly disturbing thing to have to explain, which shouldn’t even be an issue in the first place. I really hope she’s just being in a heightened emotional state because that is very disrespectful to you and the marriage.
34MapleLeafs − Just think about how every time you said your kids name you would think about the ex and how your kid would feel knowing he was named after his mom’s ex boyfriend…
nomad_805 − 🚩
Raging_Taurus − That’s weird. Your wife needs to work out some issues
hereiamtosavetheday_ − She’s mourning someone she once loved and she’s got pregnancy hormones intensifying the experience. She’s going to have a lot of thoughts, and you’re going to hear some of them.
Let her process out loud, and yes, sometimes she’ll say something inappropriate. Drop all discussions of naming the kid until she’s made it through the first shock of his sudden death. Just offer her support and don’t hold her grief against her.
SnailCrossing − She’s pregnant and grieving. She’s not going to be the most rational right now. Say no. Be compassionate, but stand your ground on this one. You don’t want your kid to have a name you’ll resent. Chances are, she won’t either, years down the line.. All the best.
perhapsnew − Get a paternity test ASAP. If kid is yours, this is the hill you die on – no way it can be named after her ex. If kid is not yours – divorce.
[Reddit User] − Uhh this is messed. Sounds like she needs therapy to help her with the grief. You two should probably go to couples counseling too.
sn00p3r − This is a deal breaker for me. Paternity test the kid.
Reaylar − You are not wrong. It is definitely an uncomfortable name to be used knowing the reasons behind it. My only advice is to talk to her about it and making her understand your point of view.
This scenario speaks to how grief, past relationships, and emotional triggers can cloud decision-making in partnerships. How do you feel about balancing respect for a partner’s past with the present and future of your relationship? Share your thoughts on how you would approach such a sensitive issue.