My (33F) 650lb sister (33F) has one foot in the grave and NOTHING will make her stop

A Reddit user shared a heartbreaking story about their 33-year-old sister, who is severely obese, bedridden, and refusing to seek help or change her lifestyle despite multiple health crises, including a heart attack and stroke. The user is struggling to balance supporting their sister with maintaining their own mental health, especially as their fiancée is also feeling the strain. Read the full story below.

‘ My (33F) 650lb sister (33F) has one foot in the grave and NOTHING will make her stop’

Last month my sister had a heart attack. This was after a small stroke she had the year before too. She managed to call 911 in time, and was taken to the hospital, so her life was saved but these TWO life-threatening events has changed absolutely nothing.

She still refuses to move, she spends most of the day/night in bed almost completely immobile at this point. I try to get her to just take a few steps in her room and she refuses. Me, my brother (30M), and our parents (60s M/F) have done literally everything we can think of.

She won’t walk, won’t entertain the idea of talking to a therapist, doesn’t read any of the information I send her about healthy diets, never sees a doctor except when she’s been in imminent danger of death, eats nothing but utter garbage fast food and junk snacks, and basically has sat on her ass for years collecting unemployment doing absolutely fuckall besides eating nonstop, sleeping, and surfing the internet.

The only people in her life besides us are the older couple (50s M/F) who live across the street from her. They’re who she calls now whenever she wants food (It used to be me as I live in the same area but a couple years ago I stopped after the realization I was essentially helping her kill herself. Also back then she could still get to the door to get delivery from drivers, now she can’t).

My parents also used to live nearby but my dad now has early onset dementia and they’ve moved to be closer to the resources and care facility he needs, my mom even went back to work to try to fund some of this. So neither of them is in a position to do much practically speaking, especially with getting older and their own health problems. My brother is married with a kid and they live a few hours away. It’s really just me and her neighbors.

I have tried so hard to get the neighbors to understand they NEED to stop enabling her. It’s difficult because I think my sister has become like a surrogate daughter to them, they lost their own daughter unexpectedly when she was 28. They have keys to the house. I’m glad there’s someone there in case my sister needs help but a lot of what they do is the opposite of helping.

For example, I’ve tried to say I really appreciate them wanting to take care of her, but for her HEALTH, could they cook some healthy meals to share with her instead of always ordering whatever greasy fried takeout she wants? I’ve offered to give them some money for groceries. They accepted, but ended up just using it to buy more of the fast food and sweets.

When I confronted them the wife said my sister starts having a panic attack if either of them tries to say no to her. The wife described one time when she had to rush over because my sister was crying saying she couldn’t breathe, and was “going to take a knife and just end it all”. Nothing would calm her down except a certain food item. So she called her husband while he was at work who then picked it up for her.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t control these people or always be there to monitor what my sister is doing! I got engaged this summer and this is starting to wear on my fiancee, understandably. She’s afraid I’m ruining my own mental health by stressing about my sister. It’s not entirely wrong. I just don’t know what else to do.

She is my twin and we’ve always been close, until she started living like this… just throwing all care for herself out the window and letting herself pile on hundreds of pounds, I don’t understand it. She won’t explain. Never has she given a single reason why she continues to keep doing this.

Her body is probably destroyed beyond recovery at this point and it’s just a matter of time until it gives out completely. She’s recently started needing the neighbors’ help to sit up and position a bucket so she can pee off the edge of her bed. She constantly has sores and cracks from her skin being stretched to breaking, also she can’t wash by herself either because she’s gotten too big to reach all areas of her body.

My brother and his family come to visit every couple months but it’s a lot for them with a baby. My parents visit when they can, but my dad doesn’t always remember who we are and my mom seems to have reached a point where she’s so devastated over seeing my sister like this that she kind of emotionally shuts down.

Both me and my mom went to the ER after she had her heart attack. Her weight was found to be at 658 pounds. While she was in recovery we got to hear the doctor say to her face that she didn’t “almost die,” she “IS dying” and will be dead by the end of the year if she keeps going like she has been.

We just don’t know what to do. She WILL NOT even TALK about her weight. Let alone try to eat less/better (she ate completely normally until her mid 20s maybe, this has not been a lifelong issue in the making). She’s never attempted a single thing to lose any weight.

She thinks everything is fine! According to her, her stroke and heart attack (plus leg pain, joint problems, sleep apnea etc) aren’t because of her obesity. She doesn’t consider herself obese either for what it’s worth. We are watching her die in slow motion before our eyes and I’m desperate for any strategy to make her care that we somehow haven’t thought of yet.

Has anyone ever been through this with a loved one? How did you deal with it, and did it work? I feel completely helpless and alone so even someone being able to relate would mean a lot. What can my family do to save her life? TL;DR: My sister is severely obese, near-bedridden, won’t stop eating and gaining weight, and her health is rapidly deteriorating. Nothing anyone says (family, doctors) has had any affect on her.

Check out how the community responded:

[Reddit User] −  I think this is beyond Reddit’s pay grade and you need a professional therapist/intervention specialist.

[Reddit User] −  You could possibly reach out to adult protective services for self n**lect.

Nikkoshen −  OP, you may want to check with your local city/county/ state Adult Services and see what resources are available. Your sister is clearly unable to care for herself independently and has had at least two life-threatening events. She may need to be declared at-risk and professionally assessed in order to receive some care.

Neither you, your parents, your brother or her neighbors can take this on by yourselves; your sister’s care needs are very serious and her doctor is very likely correct in saying that she could be gone by the end of the year if she continues in this way. A real danger is from severe skin infections from not being able to properly wash her body and have complete eliminations of her bodily wastes.

Please check your local Adult Services and get her some help, even if she needs to be declared medically incapable of taking care of herself. It is a very difficult thing to have to do to a family member, however it is better than allowing her to exist this way.

NightOwlEye −  This is just based on watching a lot of My 600 lb Life so take it with a grain of salt, but the show makes it seem like people do this to themselves because they’re in severe psychological pain that they’re not facing. They’re eating their pain instead of talking to a therapist and going on a diet and seeing a doctor.

If she ate normally up until her mid-20’s, she probably experienced some kind of trauma in her mid-20’s that touched off the eating. She needs serious therapy, and then probably a bariatric doctor or surgeon of some kind. She’s an addict, basically, and that makes all of this even tougher. I’m sorry for what you’re all going through.

obeymm −  What about asking her for her input on planning her funeral? Seriously. Tell her that she obviously doesn’t want to help herself, so you’d like to take advantage of being able to find out what kind of service she’d like, while she’s around.

[Reddit User] −  Ask her enablers point blank if they are looking forward to her funeral since they seem to be so eager for it to happen soon. Nothing you can say or do can make her take care of herself, but removing the enablers is the only hope you have.

796f7561726564756d62 −  Honestly she doesn’t need to exercise to lose weight where she is currently at. She is so obese she needs to eat around 4700+ calories a day to GAIN WEIGHT. assuming she is average height. If she started eating less she would lose weight quite quickly, no exercise needed. she would lose around 2lbs or more a week if she ate a thousand less calories per day ( around 3700 ). Which is still way above the normal caloric maintenance of 2000 for an average female.

If the goal is for her to lose weight, you shouldn’t care about the food she is eating just how much she is eating. Try get your neighbours to bring a little less food over and she’ll start dropping weight quite easily.

Darkwings13 −  Can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change themselves. I’m sorry but you’re literally gonna have to prepare for her funeral this year according to the doctor.

[Reddit User] −  I’ve had (still have) a similar situation with my mother. I totally relate to what you are saying. No matter what I’ve said to my mother about her weight, nothing changed. I’ve told her that one day she would have a grandchildren and that she should want to be around to see them. Well turned out that she is still around to see them, but due to her weight issue she lost the use of her legs, likely due to diabetes, which she had to take medication for, and never did, and never did any follow up with.

It is painful for me to watch my mother do what she has been doing for a very long time. I’ve had to go out and get my mother food, get her wash done all while she was wheelchair bound. Being bed ridden and having a p**s bucket are all to familiar to me.
I’ve had to take her to doctor. Trying to load her into a car was always very difficult and heartbreaking.

I wish I had some magic set of words for you to say to your sister to make her realize what she is doing to herself and the family and those nice people who are her neighbors. You should worry about you. Maybe talk to a psychologist about how you are feeling about this and how to cope.

feeblewinder −  Could you talk to the neighbours again after this recent heart attack and say “THIS IS WHAT YOUR DOING!?” Sure they aren’t pulling the trigger but they’re handing her the damn gun. Obese people with food addiction are incredibly manipulative. So they would have to block her out of their lives completely. She will continue to threaten suicide. She will do anything she can to get her fix. I’m sorry you are going through this. I think only once she is completely dependant on herself. Will anything change. If at all.