My [33 M] wife [32 F] hit me at a family BBQ. Everybody laughed.

A Reddit user (33M) shared his experience of being physically hit by his wife (32F) during a family BBQ after refusing to drive while tipsy to get ice cream for the kids. The moment, which left him feeling humiliated, was met with laughter by family members, further compounding his feelings of helplessness.

He revealed this was not an isolated incident, as his wife has been physically and emotionally abusive for years, escalating from apologies to violent outbursts. Now, after the public incident, he feels trapped, unheard, and unsure of how to navigate the situation or seek help.

‘ My [33 M] wife [32 F] hit me at a family BBQ. Everybody laughed.’

I don’t think I’d ever felt more pathetic than I did at that moment. We’d gotten into an argument. She wanted me to drive to the store to get a certain kind of ice cream for all the kids there (including our own). I’d already had a few drinks and was feeling a bit tipsy. I didn’t think I should drive. My sister was also urging me to go.

She was standing right there when my wife hit me. It was square across the face. I’d just told her there was no way I was driving since I’d been drinking and that if she wanted the kids to have icecream to go get it herself. My wife called me an a**hole… Then wham… My sister looked a little shocked at first and then just laughed. Everyone around us laughed.

Maybe some of it was awkward laughter, but I can’t say for certain. Nevertheless I felt humiliated. The thing is that was far from the first time my wife has hit me. It started a year or two after we were married (we married at 25). It was infrequent at first. She was always super apologetic. Over time it escalated. She started throwing and smashing things. Screaming.

Berating me. Hitting, kicking, and punching me. I don’t even know how it got so bad. It just is and I feel trapped. Who in their right minds would believe me? Who would ever think she was capable of this? Sometimes I feel like I’m hallucinating it all and I’m just losing my mind. She was once such a wonderful woman and mother, and now? I don’t even know.

Now people do know and it doesn’t even matter. It’s funny. I’m funny. It’s so f**king funny. Look at him getting hit by his wife. So damn funny. I want to disappear. I would if it weren’t for my kids. I don’t even know what my question is. I don’t really have one. Is even possible to come back from this? I wish I could reverse time and pause it when we were happy.. TLDR: see title.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Cleanboykenny −  Dude if you want an out you got it bro. Domestic violence is gonna give you major points in a divorce depending on your state.

Alvyyy89 −  OP, please listen to me. I’ve been in your situation with an ex I dated. Now mind you, I’m a 6’2 black guy with a muscular build and she was a 5’6 Indian (south Asian) girl. Everything was alright and we barely dated for a year before she would get drunk and start hurling racial slurs at me, throwing things at me, and hitting me.

Whenever we got into an argument, my initial reaction would be to leave the situation before I did anything irrational in the throws of anger and that would aggravate her even more.
So, what I started doing was video recording our arguments because no one would ever believe me if I told them the things she would say and do.

Prime example, we went out to a bar and got drunk and she kept acting belligerent and I told her that she’s had too much to drink and we should go home, her response was to start throwing glasses at me and threatening to commit suicide. She ended up calling the cops on me and saying that I physically assaulted her.

However, unbeknownst to her, I recorded the whole ordeal and when the cops arrived, I just showed them the video and they saw that she was the aggressor. My advice is to record any arguments you have with her so that you have video evidence of her actions.

That way if she decides to claim that you physically assaulted her, you’ll have video evidence showing otherwise. Hope this helps and wish you the best.

LinnBlackberry −  You are worth more than this. This isn’t normal and you are a victim in this situation. Please seek help…really, I have been there and it won’t get better, please take care of yourself

[Reddit User] −  You’re in an abusive relationship and you need to get out.If theres ever been any bruising, I hope you took photos to help support your case. If she’s bold enough to beat you in front of your own family it’s only going to get worse.

Lornesto −  Get the f**k out. Take the kids.

NDaveT −  Is even possible to come back from this? Nope. Lawyer up for your divorce, and make sure to tell the lawyer she hits you. It might help you get custody of the kids, but not necessarily.

ferramenta11 −  If your kid came to you with this problem what would you tell them to do? Do that.

TheFriendlyGrimm −  I expect that people were laughing out of nervousness; it doesn’t make their reactions right but sometimes, when people are in scenarios which should be horrifying, people laugh because if it’s a harmless joke then they do not have to deal with the same consequences they’d have to face if they admitted it was horrifying.

Get some legal advice, get financial advice (because abusive people often clear out accounts/get into debt to ‘trap’ the other person into staying) and get out of that situation. No one has the right to hurt you or humiliate you. She is an abuser and will just get worse.

[Reddit User] −  It’s time to get out, OP. Past time. Consult a therapist. Consult a lawyer.. Document the abuse.

Do you think the user should seek support and resources to address the abuse, or should he try to work things out with his wife? How can society do better in recognizing and addressing abuse against men? Share your thoughts and advice below.