My (32M) wife (31F) sold the dresser my SIL (28ish) built and gifted us. How do I help smooth and fix the potential backlash?

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A Reddit user shares a challenging situation after discovering his wife sold a custom-made dresser gifted to them by his sister-in-law, a skilled furniture maker. Despite recognizing its sentimental and craftsmanship value, his wife sold it online for a high price without his consent and spent part of the money.

Now, the user is grappling with how to address the issue with his brother and sister-in-law while dealing with his wife’s dismissive attitude. Read on for the full story and advice.

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‘ My (32M) wife (31F) sold the dresser my SIL (28ish) built and gifted us. How do I help smooth and fix the potential backlash?’

So my SIL (my brother’s wife) makes furniture as a hobby and is really good at it. About a year ago my brother randomly asked if my wife and I needed anything, he was beating around the bush and I blurted the first thing that came to mind and said a new entryway dresser would be nice.

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I didn’t think anything would come out of it, but a couple of months ago for our 5th anniversary, they surprised us with our own custom built dresser. I’m not a crafty person at all, but I could tell that a lot of effort and time was put into this piece. She combined two types of wood, joints and edges were flushed and smooth.

There was a lot of thought put into the design, little additional details and what not; nice oil finish and soft closing drawers. All of this to say that the piece was extremely well made with good craftsmanship, and my wife and I absolutely loved it.

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We often joked on how it’s probably the most expensive furniture we have and will ever own, since we mostly have second hand furniture and we can only afford to buy on the low end. Anyways, last weekend I was away for work and my wife sold the dresser online without my knowledge.

When I got home I didn’t notice at first, but then saw she bought a bunch of new clothes. I asked her where she got the extra money from and she casually says she sold the dresser. I thought she was kidding, I went and check, and the old dresser we put in the basement is back at its original place.

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I ask her to elaborate and she says that as a joke and out of curiosity she put it online for $500, but someone offered $1800 in cash and they would come pick it up immediately. She accepted. When everything sank in I told her she shouldn’t have done that, that she’s an a**hole since it’s also my dresser and she didn’t even get my permission.

She brushed me off and said I was overreacting, she even said we can just buy another dresser with the leftover money, but that would not happen since we already have our old one back. She even had the gall to say we could just ask SIL to make another dresser since she’s “only practicing her skills anyways”.

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I swear my wife isn’t usually like this and that she’s being blinded by the stupid money. It’s been tense for the past few days and we’ve barely talked. At first I tried to find a way to get the dresser back and maybe somehow negotiate,

but when I asked my wife for the person’s details she said it’s already been deleted and that the online profile has also been removed. She’s been insulting the dresser when she never did before, saying things like it’s not even well made, that it’s u**y, heavy and that it’s useless anyways.

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Whenever I try to talk some sense into her, that not everything is about the money and that I don’t want our relationship with my brother and SIL to turn sour because of her actions; she simply says we can hide it and they wouldn’t even know. I don’t know what’s up with my wife and I don’t stand by what she did.

I think it’s unlikely for us to get the dresser back. We don’t even have extra money to pay for it since she already spent almost half of it. I’ve been putting off telling my brother what happened, I don’t know how to approach the situation but I can’t cover for my wife in good conscience.

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I don’t want my SIL to be hurt but my wife won’t budge in any direction. Do I confess to my brother first, then let him tell her? Or do I tell her on my own?

Check out how the community responded:

cressidacole −  Your wife is playing games and isn’t even bothering to be subtle. She waited until you were away, disposed of the dresser and spent at least half of the money, and basically shrugged at your reaction. By the way, she didn’t sell it online. She had a buyer already set up.

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She doesn’t like your SIL for some reason. Or she’s incredibly selfish and blase about gifts. Sell her engagement ring and buy some golf clubs.

Acrobatic-Mess-6700 −  Yikes – I don’t think there’s any possibility for a soft landing here. In fact, given your wife’s unrepentantly callous attitude towards the whole situation, she’ll quickly undo any of your efforts. You need to tell your brother and prepare for the backlash. This’ll utterly torch your wife’s reputation. Don’t compound it by trying to protect her.

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UsuallyWrite2 −  You are being far more calm than I would be. I would tell your wife that she can call your brother and SIL what she did. And then she can encounter the consequences of her selfish actions. This would be a very big deal to me. Very big.

I’d be telling her to return all the clothes or sell them and find the f**king buyer and get it back.. Jesus. Huge trust issue for me. What else is she going to sell? Your kids?

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Ardara −  Tell them the truth. She sold it without your knowledge or permission. This is a big deal to me. 

MontEcola −  I am a woodworker. It would p**s me off. The person who offered that amount knew the value and snapped up a deal. The person that did not cherish my work would be cut off forever. Your future gifts will be a box of orange from Harry and David.

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She has damaged the relationship with this kind person who made this. A similar situation led to my divorce. Trade heirlooms made by my grandfather for the dresser And the story is the same.

Over-Ad-6555 −  Wow 😲. I’m sorry you have such a selfish, self-centered wife. I can guarantee your SIL is going to notice it’s missing the second she walks into your house. How many hours went into building that dresser?

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Not to mention the associated costs… materials, etc. Honestly is the best option, just make sure it’s only your money hungry wife that ends up under the bus…no point ruining your own relationship with brother and sil.

kevin_r13 −  Something is fishy about the money story. No one offers $1800 for an item that the seller clearly wants $500 for. Maybe fake cash money or maybe charge back s**m? But let’s say they did. Unless she spent all $1800 right away, where is the remaining money?

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I can say though, that when I see friends or family members do not appreciate the (expensive) gifts I gave them for their use, even if it’s theirs and they can do whatever with it, I don’t bother repeating those kinds of gifts anymore. I won’t burn bridges because it’s now their item, but I’ll just give lesser value items or less sentimental items.

HelpfulName −  I swear my wife isn’t usually like this. She is, you just didn’t notice because it didn’t directly impact you. People don’t magically turn into this over nothing. You’re getting to know a side to her personality you didn’t notice stand out before.

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Your SIL is going to be **devastated**. She poured hours of time and a great deal of money into that gift only for it to be thrown away. On top of giving a mortal wound to the relationship with your family, your wife just fucked you out of more gifts in future.

It’s also highly likely that the material your SIL used alone was in the $1500 range, I do some carpentry among the other artwork I do and decent quality wood is EXPENSIVE right now, and I’m sure she put a lot of extra effort into that because it was supposed to be an heirloom quality gift.

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It’s actual value in materials and time is likely closer to $3000. She ROBBED your children of a family-made heirloom so she could get some new clothes. She deliberately waited till you were away for long enough for her to arrange to sell it, this was a PLAN, not a whim. And you’re fine with this?

By the way, if your wife is this willing to lie to you and go behind your back about things, I would ask if a) she got more than $1800. I’d also ask how this person paid, because it’s also likely if your wife is this greedy that she fell for some check-cashing s**m which are rampant on FB marketplace.

The fact you are accepting her “everything’s deleted oopsies!” excuse is just… no wonder she thinks she can get away with this. Why are you allowing her to blow this off and s**t talk your SIL’s craft as well?

You are wildly underreacting about this, does your wife normally rugsweep conflict and issues to the point you just give up about them? This is for many people a marriage-in-jeopardy moment which it looks like you’re not really seeing for as awful as it really is.

tattedupgirl −  So I make handmade gifts for people that I love and I used to make my niece handmade things for her all the time. Until one day she let slip that everything I’ve ever made for her she sold online.

She told me I should be flattered because everything sold for a good chunk of change. That was 6 years ago and she doesn’t understand why I no longer give her any gifts at all. She completely broke my heart.

DarDarBinks89 −  Yeah your SIL likely won’t ever make you guys anything again. I know I wouldn’t. I think it’s fair to give your brother and SIL a heads up so they aren’t blindsided when they come over next. Tensions are going to be high no matter how you slice this cake.

I’m not sure what your wife’s motivations are here, but you say this behaviour is out of character for her. Is it really though? Is there a possibility she doesn’t like your SIL or might be jealous of her talents?

It’s possible that she may be willing to have a more productive conversation when things have cooled down, but I’m not sure I’d hold my breath for that. Whatever the outcome of this situation is, you need to tell your brother and SIL.

Should the user confess the situation to his brother and sister-in-law, or try to resolve it with his wife first? How would you handle a situation where a partner’s actions put a family relationship at risk? Share your thoughts and suggestions below!

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