My (32f) boyfriend (36m) deleted my dead brother from my instagram friends. And he doesn’t seem to understand or care that I’m upset?
A woman (32F) shares the heartbreaking story of her boyfriend (36M) blocking her late twin brother’s Instagram account, robbing her of a treasured way to remember him. He claims it was for her benefit and accuses her of inappropriate feelings, leaving her questioning both his actions and their relationship. Read her story below.
‘ My (32f) boyfriend (36m) deleted my dead brother from my instagram friends. And he doesn’t seem to understand or care that I’m upset?’
6 years ago my twin brother Sam died in a horrible accident on the freeway. It was one of the biggest accidents in our state. My only comfort is that he died immediately. The police said he most likely had no idea anything was happening around him.
Anyway before he died Sam was a huge social media user. Mostly on Instagram and snap chat. I never followed him on Snapchat but I followed him on instagram. He made thousands of posts about his life(friends, family, music) he was an amazing singer.
After he died I would go to his account and just scan through his account. I mostly watched a few videos he made where he does a dialogue for ESL speakers (he taught English to ESL students for extra money). I’d often pretend that he was speaking to me.
I know it’s not healthy to listen to my dead bothers voice everyday but it just became a habit. A few weeks ago my boyfriend had been urging me to break free from this. He told me that I need to move on. I did start. I would only watch one video. Or even not use my phone until right before I went to bed.
Last night I went to check my brothers account and I saw that it was gone! I was upset. I texted my sister and she said that she could still see his account. My boyfriend told me that he blocked my brother on my account. I was annoyed but simply thought I could just go back to following him.
But my brothers account was private and our family couldn’t access his account years ago. The reasons why he blocked him is because he thought I was “in love” in my brother. And even accused me of being once intimate with him, my brother. I wanted to vomit. He’s my twin! We spent every single day together.
Even when we grew up we went to the same university. At the time of my brothers accident we were roommates. I loved my brother but not in a sick way. My boyfriend never met my brother. He and I only started dating 2 years ago.
But after this I don’t know if I can/should continue this relationship. My boyfriend keeps saying that I should move on, that what he did wasn’t a big deal. But it was to me. Our mutual friends agree that I should just forgive and forget but I feel like I’m grieving again.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Piilootus − This is a massive red flag and you really should reconsider this relationship. This man decided he knew better than you what would be best for you and is now denying any damage was done.
beautiful_mistake99 − Jesus. Get out
410Writer − Your boyfriend just decided *for you* that blocking your late brother’s account was the magical solution to your grief? That’s not how it works. Grief isn’t a switch you can just flip, especially when it’s someone as close as your twin.
You finding comfort in watching those videos is totally normal, and nobody gets to take that away from you. But then he takes it even further. Accusing you of being “in love” with your *brother*? Dude, what? That’s not just out of line—that’s a whole different zip code of messed up.
Grief is one thing, but him jumping to those accusations? Yeah, no. Look, you’ve been taking steps at your own pace, and that’s how it should be. He doesn’t get to dictate how you handle your loss. Honestly, it’s not about “forgive and forget.” It’s about respect, and he clearly bulldozed that boundary.
You’re feeling like you’re grieving again because, in a way, you are—he took away your way of connecting with your brother. Also, your friends saying “just let it go”? That’s a hard pass. You deserve better than someone who not only doesn’t get your grief but makes it worse.
deckyon − Yeah, if someone did that to me, they’d be kicking rocks all the way home. NEVER let someone control your phone, social media or anything else personal liket that. They have NO NEED no matter what excuse they give. You’re bf is a f**king controling tool who needs binned with other useless tools.
FairyCompetent − He’s a full on monster, never speak to him again.
MckittenMan − What in the actual hell? That was not your boyfriends call to make. These were memories, videos, etc that held a lot of significant meaning to you. A major piece of who he was as a person that made you feel a level connection to him still. You’re allowed to remember your passed brother in any way you wish.
What’s he going to do next? Go through the photos you have of your brother and toss them all into the garbage saying to “get over it”. Telling you that you cannot visit his grave because you have to let go. F**k that. Don’t let go, cherish your passed brother.
Your bf even accused you of being intimate with your brother. What the F is actually wrong with your BF? Please d**p this unempathetic BF. This is m**strous behaviour. Get rid of this POS human.
Sit down with your sister. Go through her account since she still has access to his account and retrieve all the photos and videos you’d like to keep of your brother. Your phone will have a screen record option. And if you’re tech savvy on pc, you can even record the videos on desktop.. This was wrong on so many levels.
No_Commission_9079 − Absolutely heartbreaking to read. Is there a way for you to get access back to the account? You can grieve and remember and cherish your brother at your own rate. You do not need his permission or help – thank you very much.
Please d**p this sack of s**t! I’m not a fan of redditors always going to this conclusion but this is outrageous and your friends are losers. Get a new group of friends and a new boyfriend or spend some time alone living your life the way you want, which I’m sure your brother would have loved for you. He has shown you who he is. Don’t doubt it.
Mellykitty1 − OP I rarely comment on this type of posts but I want to tell you two things: 1- I’m so profoundly sorry about your loss. I can’t even imagine what you’re been and still are going through.
Your grief is your grief and NO ONE has the right to tell you how to live with it. Take all the time you need, do whatever you need to make you feel less sad about it. Grief is just love, with nowhere to go.
2 – D**P THIS POS OF AN IDEA OF A MAN. Dude it’s nearly 40yo and is jealous of your deceased brother?!? (may he rip) and accusing you of being intimate with your BROTHER?! Is this twat a porn addict or something?!. Jesus f**king Christ!!
WHAT IN THE EVER LIVING F**K IS THIS F**KING B**LSHIT?!??. Omfg!! I’m so angry for you!! And your “friends”?! Tell them to get bent!! A whole other level of stupidity!! Girl in the name of everything sacred, get rid of this controlling waste of skin of a bf and get better friends.
He doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you. I hope you find a way to access his account again in the future and I hope one day, years from now, you’re in a happier place, with a decent partner,
in your beautiful kitchen on a Sunday morning having a coffee and talking about your brother with a warm feeling in your heart and you won’t even remember this moment anymore.. Sending you lots of love.
kecksonkecksoff − You actually are grieving the loss of a connection with your twin brother, at the hands of your boyfriend. That’s an absolutely despicable thing to do, I personally couldn’t get past it.
ElegantMulberry4168 − The man & the mutual friends all need to go
Grief is deeply personal, and the way we process it varies greatly. Was the boyfriend’s action an overstep, or was it a misguided attempt to help her heal? How should she address this breach of trust? Share your insights below!