My (32f) 15 year friendship (30f) is fading out

A woman reflects on a 15-year friendship that feels one-sided and exhausting, filled with unreciprocated support and growing distance. Now, she’s torn between addressing her feelings and accepting the painful truth of their fading bond. Read her story below.

‘ My (32f) 15 year friendship (30f) is fading out ?’

I (f32) have been best friends with Kelly (f30) since we were young. We were fast friends and have irreplaceable memories and so many “only you would understand” moments from our teens that I still refer to as some of the best times in my life.

We were like sisters in our high school years, and she was definitely was and always is in the little sister role. Bit of backstory- Kelly had somewhat of a rough upbringing and had a lot of trauma from her childhood/early teen years with zero supervision or enforced rules, so she grew up young and fast.

Her family are very kind people and I love them dearly, but they never really gave her any ambition, structure or guidance which let her run wild and free to do whatever she wanted, even putting herself naively in questionable situations at Preteen age.

I grew up opposite with parents who cared too much (in my teen opinion) and I did anything I could to wriggle out of their grasp. with the same goals in mind, we got close quick. By the time I met her, she was a wild child and I loved her for that, but soon learned that it wasn’t all a walk in the park.

In a way I took on the role of big sister, we partied together, caused a ruckus and did normal teenage girl activities, I always knew when it was time to reign things in. She pushed everything to the limit, which usually resulted in some sort of mess id console her for or pick up the pieces to.

Things like this happened over, and over and over. When you’re young, everything’s a drama, it’s all new, and makes life exciting. With this in mind, The problem is as we grew up we started to drift apart. In our early 20s, my goals shifted to focus on my career and my relationship/family.

I still enjoyed a good time here and there, but my days of getting wild were fading by choice, and I was okay with that. She chose to continue to live spur of the moment and in turn made irresponsible decisions she’d call crying with looking for sympathy or assistance to whatever consequences ensued.

I have seen this girl blow up more relationships, jobs, living situations and friendships that I can count. And I have been there for her without judgement. If she needed ANYTHING, a place to crash, a ride, to vent, items, support, anything at all, I have always been there for her.

Even if she was dead wrong and her world was collapsing around her, I did what I could to love her through it because she was my best friend. I can’t say the same about on my end l. If I needed her, it depended on if she was available, her mood etc.

It has always been frustrating to me as my life has been no walk in the park, but no one picked me up when I was down except myself. If I called with something going on, I had a good 2 minutes before the conversation flipped to her gossip or dilemma. If I needed a favor, she was out with other friends, or too busy.

I’d get snapchats of her out with her friend Emma going to events we had talked about with no invite extended. infrequent checking in phone calls or texts, but if she needed a favor or had a problem or real life question about her bills, I was on speed dial.

The years rolled by, and not much has changed in that regard. We still see each other here and there, but when we do, it’s almost awkward. We don’t have much to naturally say to each other except the past. Our lives have completely turned in different directions, and I’m not sure how to feel about it.

I got married and had a child, she was in my wedding. A few years ago she had a child, I was the first person she called to tell she was pregnant, threw her a shower and spent a lot of money on multiple parties with a couple other friends and relatives, took off of work to be at dr apts with her, bought/built her what she needed to get ready etc.

She chose her friend Emma to be godmother and to be in the delivery room with her, and I didn’t even get a notification that her child was born until 10 hours after or meet her child until a month after she gave birth. That stung hard but I couldn’t be mad that she made her decision, but that hurt.

I recently got out of an a**sive relationship and have been living alone, and after the first few days, she has not once checked in on me or offered to visit/meet up unless there is an event or reason to. Shes grown up now, and has a whole new life in which I was proud of her for, but still shows she hasn’t learned any lessons from her mistakes.

Just making poor decisions on a different scale now and I am just sick of how it seems the little interaction we do have now is typically still watching her drama unfold. I’m so sick of being expected to support and condone bad judgement in the name of friendship, and so sick of feeling insignificant to someone who has always asked a lot of me.

I don’t know if she truly realizes the magnitude of energy I’ve given her over the years with little to no appreciation or reciprocation. It’s not about money, time or even energy, it’s the lack of awareness. I don’t think she does anything she does in malice, I really think it’s ignorance and naivety.

Recently she did something in her personal life that I won’t mention due to specifics, but I’m appalled and disappointed this time. I can’t pretend to support behavior I find reprehensible and had some time to reflect on our friendship as a whole. She probably carries a lot of trauma that triggers this sort of behavior, and I do feel for her on that level.

I love her, but I’m also sad to realize that I think our friendship has faded. There is no confronting her, she is the type that will severs ties for disagreeing or calling her out on things she victimizes herself for. We have never had a real “fight” before, we’ve always managed to avoid that territory, but I have never really let it rip before.

I’m in the wrong for holding in alot of my feelings for a very long time, but if I say how I feel now, this friendship will 100% be over. I know this, because I know her very well. Just writing that sentence made me realize that is an issue in itself. That was a lot. If you read this all, I owe you a copay. Opinions? Is it worth attempting to address?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Flat_Health_5206 −  I say let it rip. It might be the only time she ever hears the truth. Do it in person. You could also just ghost her. Ultimately it doesn’t matter, since the most significant relationship in your life is going to be with your spouse and kids.

I wouldn’t go out of your way to try and “save her” or anything. Only God can do that. What did she do this time…infidelity?

Aggressive_Sky8492 −  Why do you need to “confront her” or “call her out”? Instead, could you just tell her how you feel using I statements?

If you’re going to fade on the friendship anyway you have nothing to lose by communicating all the problems you have. It doesn’t sound like you’ve ever communicated your feelings to give her a chance to change and be a better friend.

Friendship breakups can be as heartbreaking as romantic ones. Should she express her feelings and risk ending it, or quietly accept that some relationships naturally fade with time? What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts in the comments below!