My (31f) boyfriend (32m) and I were casually talking about kids and our future. He said he’s going to get a DNA test when the baby is born. I’d that inappropriate to say?

A Redditor (31F) shares her concern about her boyfriend’s (32M) comment during a casual conversation about their future kids. He revealed his intention to get a DNA test when they have children, which she finds hurtful and indicative of distrust.

Despite having a strong and committed relationship, the comment leaves her questioning its appropriateness and whether it’s common practice among couples. Read the original story below:

‘ My (31f) boyfriend (32m) and I were casually talking about kids and our future. He said he’s going to get a DNA test when the baby is born. I’d that inappropriate to say?’

We don’t have kids yet (nor am I pregnant), but have talked about having them in the next few years. We’ve also talked about getting married. We both absolutely love cars, and I jokingly said, “what if our kids don’t like cars.” He said he’s going to get a DNA test whenever we have kids. I thought he was joking, but turns out he’s dead serious.

I expressed to him how his pre-determined desire to get a DNA test automatically implies that he does not trust me and anticipates continuing to distrust me. I told him the statement makes it sound like I’m unfaithful or plan to cheat on him, or that he doubts me.

I have given him no reason to believe that I’m unfaithful (he knows I’m absolutely obsessed with him, he’s my best friend), so this statement came as a shock to me. He also said, “I wouldn’t tell you that I’m getting it done,” but I let him know that even sharing this with me is so hurtful and disappointing.

Am I wrong in feeling like this is such an inappropriate thing to say to your partner in a committed, faithful relationship? Or is it normal for couples to get DNA test of their baby after it’s born?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Desperate_Fox_2882 −  “I wouldn’t tell you that I’m getting it done.” Welp, he just showed you who he is. I would also wonder what other sneaky s**t he does/will do. The trust in him would be gone, and if it was me, I wouldn’t date a person who would do s**t behind my back

REMreven −  There are some weird social media people that don’t understand bias in statistics that looked at how often the child wasn’t the father’s and falsely extrapolated that to the entire population rather than realizing that people that get DNA tests are often already suspicious that the child is not theirs.

Puzzleheaded_Ad7742 −  Tell him to get an STD test every month for the rest of your life together starting this month. If he agrees to that, you will agree to the DNA test as well.

Awkward_Kind89 −  I’d instantly be suspicious of him. Cheating partners are very strong projectors. Meaning they project their own behaviour onto you. He is cheating, or is planning on cheating, thus he suspects you of cheating, because if he would, why wouldn’t you. Sneaking behind your back with a DNA test is also super sketchy. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him.

DifficultBrilliant86 −  Don’t have children with a men that doesn’t trust you

Quiet-Hamster6509 −  While it’s great he’s open and honest, I wouldn’t pursue a relationship/marriage or family with someone like that.

AnniaT −  It’s giving red pill nonsense.

Mean_Environment4856 −  He’s flat out telling you he doesn’t trust you. This isn’t the guy you want a future with.

Tinkeybird −  Well, having been married a really long time, if my husband had said those things to me I would have lost faith in him. I don’t mean to imply that you can be married for 37 years and not disappoint each other on occasion, but he’s telling you upfront he’s going to do things in your marriage that he deliberately will keep from you.

Is that a deal breaker? I could say “well, ok, let’s get genetic testing for all of us off the bat.” But saying the quiet part out out loud “I’ll never tell you I’m doing it” is of more concern than the genetic testing.

Adults frequently say really dumb stuff to each other but my concern is who is he being influenced by to think your intent is to cheat and why does he think being sneaky is the correct approach? I think those to issues are important.

My husband has said a few dumb things over 37 years but distrust in me or being sneaky are definitely not on the list. It would never have occurred to him that our daughter wasn’t his or to sneak genetic testing.

[Reddit User] −  That’s not a long-term type of man. That is a very odd comment to make as if he views you as a “sidechick” you don’t say that to a woman you view as your wife

Is it reasonable for someone to request a DNA test as a precaution, or does it inherently undermine trust in a relationship? How would you address a partner’s doubts about fidelity without damaging the bond? Share your thoughts below!