My 30M boyfriend wants to break up with me 26F over not wanting kids right now. Is that worth breaking up over?

A Reddit user, 26/F, shares her relationship dilemma where her 30/M boyfriend wants to break up over her decision not to have children right now. Despite being in a seven-year relationship, the user is not ready for kids while still in school and wants to have a solid plan in place before starting a family.

Her boyfriend, however, feels unfulfilled by the delay and is growing impatient, citing examples of people in worse situations having kids. Although she has expressed that she does want children by the time she’s 35, the tension over timing is threatening their relationship.

‘ My 30M boyfriend wants to break up with me 26F over not wanting kids right now. Is that worth breaking up over?’

My boyfriend wants to break up with me because I am not ready for kids at this immediate point in time. I know ideas about kids is inherently a dealbreaker, but it’s not the fact that I don’t want kids, just not right now while I am still in school.

I am honestly distraught. We’ve been together for almost 7 years and have had our fair share of ups and downs. I fully regret us not already being married, but that should happen within the next year. He says he is tired of waiting and feels so unfulfilled by not being a father.

We are not in an ideal place in our life and I have been very adamant I want a real plan in place before bringing a child into this world. He literally said, “people in worse situations have kids all of the time. People in 3rd world countries have kids all of the time and are happy.

We have people around us that would provide support and hand me downs. We don’t needs “items” to make us happy” etc. I could go on. It all just made me flabbergasted tbh. I told him I DO want kids before I’m 35 (ideally starting when im 30) and he says he can’t wait anymore.

Edit: Ah, this is crazy. I’ve never aired so much personal business online; it’s honestly kind of embarrassing, but I am thankful for the different perspectives.
I love this man with every fiber of my being, and I absolutely want to give him babies one day.

The problem that has put off proposals, marriage, and kids etc, is a mixture of family drama and me trying to pursue my dream career goals as a veterinarian.

If I had only not done so poorly in undergraduate, I might already be a veterinarian. I have so many regrets from my past years and I am suffering from them now. I just don’t want to lose him and my goals.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

bibibijaimee −  Yes, being in different stages in life is a valid reason to break up. You definitely shouldn’t disrupt your education and aspirations to have a baby you’re not ready for. You’re still building your life.

He’s at a stage where he wants to build a family. You’re incompatible right now, and yes it’ll hurt and you’ll be crushed but it’s not the end of the world.

-secretswekeep- −  *I told him I don’t want kids before I’m 35.* You being 35 would put him at 39… that’s another 9 years you’re asking him to wait to have a child. IMO that’s absolutely reason to leave someone. Y’all aren’t on the same page with what you want in life.

Blak_kandy −  He’s right in breaking up but at the same time you’re not wrong for not wanting kids at the moment, you both should separate if you can’t reach a Middle ground rather than having a kid only 1 person wants

prettymiz −  I just want to point out that it while everyone is saying it wouldn’t be right to make him wait, that doesn’t mean they think it would be right to make you rush. PLEASE do not have a kid just to save this relationship. You may not want to break up, but it’s the right thing to do for all parties involved, including potential children.

Diligent-Bullfrog-35 −  If you can not agree on a timeline, yes it is 100% a reason to end the relationship. It is a very good reason to end the relationship, because even if you love each other your goals do not align. Also, DO NOT HAVE A CHILD JUST TO KEEP HIM.

It’s a long time to be together and you both probably wanted to get married, but if you two can not agree on a timeline for this, it’s best to get out now so that you can both seek out partners with the same family plan timeline.

ETA: it’s also a bad idea to have kids outside of marriage, but that’s just my opinion. Him pressing for kids before you are even married or have a wedding date is not a green flag that’s for sure

lordmwahaha −  You’re asking him to wait until he’s almost 40 to have kids. That is absolutely going to be a dealbreaker for a lot of people.

DescriptionNo4833 −  It takes two yeses for decisions like this. He’s in right to want to break up, you are in the right not to went any kids right now. If that’s his deal then unfortunately that’s his deal. I’ve only seen it go downhill when people only have a kid because their partner wanted one.

Cautious-Diver-9613 −  To be honest if his reason is “people in worse situations have kids all the time” then his reasoning is very immature. It’s your body so your choice, no exceptions.

I would however say, if you’re not on the same page then you have to call it a day. This will only cause more hurt to continue down a path of misalignment.

PhaloniaRediar −  You want different things, and those differences are not reconcilable. He wants children now, you do not. Whatever decision is made will cause resentment,

as you are either making him wait (which he doesn’t want to do) or you are forced to have children before you are ready (which you shouldn’t do). Sadly these are things that do lead to relationships ending, as it means you are incompatible.

ElephantNo3640 −  He wants kids ASAP, and you basically said you want kids at some point within the next 10 years. That’s not really any sort of commitment or compromise he is likely to take seriously. In his shoes, I would probably bail, too. He’s not getting any younger.