My (30F) husband (32M) impulse bought a dog. [update]?

A woman shares an update about her relationship with her husband after addressing issues surrounding their new dog. She used therapy to communicate her concerns, and through open conversations, her husband stepped up to help more around the house. The couple is now in a better place, and they’ve decided to keep the dog. Read the full story below.

‘ My (30F) husband (32M) impulse bought a dog. [update]?’

Thank you all for the thorough responses. I read every comment you guys sent. A few months ago I read a post where a woman sat down with her husband and outlined everything she takes care of at home in a list format. Like, kitchen: trash, dishes, wipe counters down. Etc. That way of communicating really stuck with me and when we went to see our therapist, I used the same format to express how much I do for the dog.

My husband told me that owning a dog was a joint effort and since I’m home all day it shouldn’t be a problem. Which is when I realized that has been his excuse for everything. Cooking, chores, cleaning. I’m not sure how I became blind to it. I don’t know when I started bending over backwards to accommodate him.

We used to be a solid couple who helped each other out. I remember when I was still in school he’d come over to my apartment and clean the whole thing for me during finals. Or he took care of my elderly cat when I was away for a week and a half. He used to help me dry the dishes and it was always fun. We used to have so much fun and laugh all the time. At some point it all stopped.

I started crying right there in the middle of a sentence and he got concerned. I’m not a cryer the only time he’s ever seen me cry was when I had to put my beloved cat down a few years ago. But he held me for the first time in what felt like months and we had a serious heart to heart about how he made me feel.

Not only with the dog but how stressed I’ve been with my job, how lonely I am, I don’t feel important and how we don’t feel like a team anymore, that I’m worried about us. I guess it clicked for him because he really stepped up taking care of the dog.

He started going into work earlier so he can come home early and hang out and make me dinner. It happened slowly over the course of the last few weeks and the routine suits us a lot better. We hired a trainer to make sure we can understand the dog’s boundaries together and the dog sleeps in a dog bed.

Our bedroom life has slowly gotten back to where it was when we got married. We’re watching our favorite shows again and going out more. I’ve been putting my foot down more about my feelings and he has been receptive. We are still going to therapy for now.

As for the dog, we’re going to keep him. Is he a No List dog? Yes. But is he a good puppy with a big heart? Yes. We have the money to afford him and he took off after training. It’s nice having a dog again.

TL;DR: husband and I went to therapy, we talked through our problems, we are giving our marriage the time and attention it needs to mend. We’re keeping the dog.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

[Reddit User] −  This is a wholesome update. 🙂

NorthFocus −  Good job on the communication. Things can sneak up on people and unfair routines can c**ep in. I’m glad that you two seem to be correcting course for your relationship and it’s a big positive that he’s putting in a lot more effort now.

TonyWrocks −  This is awesome. Your story about the dishes made me think – my dad used to always say that the rising divorce rate was caused by the invention of the automatic dishwasher.

When he was growing up, many couples would stand at the sink and wash up the dishes together – one washes, the other dries/puts them away. That was a time for talking and connecting in the evenings. I know that’s an over-simplified idea, but it made me smile to think of him telling that story.

jollynecromancer −  Congrats on the progress!! Pro tip: clean Puppy’s skin folds with a baby wipe every other day or so… they start building up yeast in them, which is why so many bulldogs smell funky.

Taleof10tails −  Glad that things worked out with you guys. But you have to pay the dog tax. 🙂

lordliv −  Hello, I’m so happy with the update! I am the owner of a bulldog. They are hard work and the health problems can be overwhelming, but there is a lot you can do to help their quality of life. Frequent walks, lots of exercise, wiping out wrinkles, etc.

If you are worried about breathing, there is a surgery you can have on them to open up the nostrils and help them breath better. My parents had a bulldog before I was born and she was a happy and healthy dog who lived to be twelve. Good luck!

blerg91 −  I wish more endings happened this way, usually not the case. I hope things work out with the pup! I advise on getting him insurance now while he’s young so any health issues that arise are covered.

donnablonde −  I got teary reading this, so happy for you guys (and the dog!).

Lisbeth_Salandar −  Tbh I’d still be pretty livid about the dog and not able to trust that your husband will actually be there for you, if I were in your shoes. But it sounds like good steps have been made. Just make sure you all keep on the right path!

tren_lord −  This made me so incredibly happy to read. I’m so happy for you guys and that this experience with the dog was able to open both your eyes to the larger issues at hand. I’m a huge dog person myself and I see all the issues the bulldogs but omg are they cute and super friendly. Good luck and I wish your puppy a long and happy life with you two.

Have you ever had to confront a partner about feeling overwhelmed or unappreciated? How did you handle it? Share your experiences or thoughts in the comments.