My (29m) girlfriend (24f) cancelled weekend plans to attend a house party, invited a male friend. Am I being unreasonable in ending it?

A Reddit user [29M] shared concerns about his relationship with his girlfriend [24F], who canceled their weekend plans to attend a house party with a male friend instead. The situation was further complicated by her history of one-on-one outings with men, some of whom have expressed romantic interest in her.

The user feels their differing boundaries and maturity levels may indicate incompatibility but is questioning whether his standards are unreasonable. For the full context and insights, read the detailed story below.

‘ My (29m) girlfriend (24f) cancelled weekend plans to attend a house party, invited a male friend. Am I being unreasonable in ending it?’

Last weekend I had arranged a week in advance for her to join me kayaking in Sydney harbor as it’s something she’s wanted to do.. ​ She asked to reschedule at the last minute to attend a house party with a work friends without inviting me. I agreed as a free day would help me focus going to the gym and personal errands etc.. ​

The following day we saw one another and she revealed she invited a male friend who is not a work friend but someone who is new to town and has no friends. Previous to this he had invited her to brunch which I expressed as not something I would do with the opposite particularly given she had to make it clear during it that she was dating someone.. ​

She had re-pieced her nose, and was acting distant the last few weeks. She stated he had a drink at her place and attended a house party together. My gut feeling suggested her inviting him instead of myself did not reveal much consideration for me and sat her down and said I would have to rethink seeing her.. ​

She said, she wanted to attend by herself, and that he asked to see her and she figured two birds one stone. She informed me without me having to ask which was good communication but was surprised I would see this as a disappointing action. She cried and I conceded I should give another chance, perhaps I was overthinking it.

She has many male friends,some are long friends but some are men who to be frank probably are romantically interested and she likes the attention; as she’s had a recent coffee date that he felt was a date. I spoke to her about this, and it appears she is unable to set clear boundaries besides communicating she is dating someone – as she has gone on 1 on 1 ‘dates’.

I said, this is a boundary I am not comfortable with as it’s not something I would do to my partner and perhaps we are not compatible. Am I being too old fashioned in this regard?Additionally, given the age difference, there is differences in maturity and values systems.

At her age I was old enough to understand this behavior is naive at best or deceitful at worst as some of these friends have expressed romantic interest.. ​ Note she pursued me after a break up and I was also just a male friend. I said to her I also have options with friendly members of the opposite s** but I set clear boundaries with female friends.

I know my value, and feel that her actions reflect that she doesn’t.. ​ Am I being unreasonable? I’d like some insights from objective third parties to see if I am simply holding her to a too high standard..

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Throwaway1121115 −  Been there, done that. Run dude. You seem level headed and understand this is wrong – don’t ignore your gut feeling here.

middleagedlothario −  She’s not ready for a relationship. Stop wasting your time.

Lincoln183 −  Yeah, it’s just a matter of time until one of these male friends becomes her next BF. Of course they all have the hots for her. And she likes it. Plus she goes on dates with these guys. Plus what she did with canceling on you and then going to that party with that guy–inexcusable. Do you know what really happened and what didn’t happen with this guy?

Do you believe her account of it? You should definitely give your relationship with this girl a serious rethink. Sounds like she’s already checked out and is too chicken to tell you.

ElvisAaron −  Everyone who has had one of these girlfriends will tell you to run, me included. These line-crossing attention-seeking issues dont ever go away bc they refuse to see the problem. They get too much of a validation high from it, so theyll need to make you the bad guy for having an issue with it, and those manufactured issues lead to her crying on one of these guys’ shoulder.

En-TitY_ −  Personally, my last ex used to do things like this, she was unable to set clear boundaries and often did things that I considered inappropriate for a relationship. In the end it boiled down to the fact that it gradually erodes your trust in them, you feel like you’re not particularly important and are taken for granted and if this is the case what kind of relationship is worth that stress?

She ended up cheating multiple times, very long story, but essentially the signs were there that she just wasn’t able to understand how to properly be in a relationship. I left it too long, but my advice to you in this situation is get out and don’t look back. There will be someone who instinctively understands these things without you having to be a teacher and babysiitter to what’s effectively an emotionally immature person.

HotJoe336 −  She has many male friends, most of which are not life long friends but rather men who to be frank probably are romantically interested and she likes the attention. I spoke to her about this, and it appears she is unable to set clear boundaries besides communicating she is dating someone – as she often has gone on 1 on 1 ‘dates’.

You knew what you were getting into but committed to her anyways. Kick this attention whore who is dating multiple other dudes right under your nose to the curb.

playerknowmore −  You are too different; you set boundaries and she tests them. She canceled plans with you to hang out with a random. If you stay with her be ready to write descendingly sad Reddit stories.

[Reddit User] −  I’ve dated this girl and I’m telling you now that this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of personal issues she is not dealing with. No rational person would make the decisions you’ve outlined here and not understand why they are inappropriate.

She either A: understands what she is doing – but can’t control herself because she has an insatiable need for men’s attention, desire, and affection or B: she is naive to the extreme and too emotionally immature to process how her behavior affects her relationships with the opposite s**.. Likely, both.

Run, don’t walk, to the nearest woman who can wrap her head around the idea that men don’t take women in relationships (that they just met) on 1-1 dates ‘as friends’.

Do you think the user’s concerns about boundaries and compatibility are justified, or is he overthinking the situation? How would you handle similar challenges in a relationship? Share your perspectives below and join the conversation!