My (29F) friend (26M) is upset at me for “discriminating” against men I don’t find hot in the club.

A 29-year-old woman (F) shares a situation with her long-time friend (26M) who is upset after a night of clubbing. She rejected several men on the dance floor, only dancing with those she found attractive. When the friend confronted her about her behavior, claiming she was discriminating based on looks, she defended her actions.

The conversation escalated, with the friend calling her shallow and questioning her professionalism. The woman is now unsure whether to address the issue with her friend or distance herself for her safety.

‘ My (29F) friend (26M) is upset at me for “discriminating” against men I don’t find hot in the club.’

We have been friends for eight years. We went out clubbing Monday night, with one other guy and one other girl. I brought them to my favorite place, and we got drinks and started dancing with each other.

I had a few different guys come up and try to dance with me and I rejected a few before I was approached by one I found hot and decided to dance with him. The same thing happened a couple more times and I went home with the third man I danced with other than my friends.

I saw my friend again yesterday at his place, and he asked me “Why did you say no to dancing with so many guys, yet you danced with a few of them?”

I told him “I was just waiting for a hot one.”
He replied “So if a guy isn’t hot you won’t even give him the honor of dancing with you?”
I said “I can be picky about who I dance with if I want to be.”
Then he asked me “Do you discriminate based on looks in your work as a doctor?”. I said “Absolutely not!”
He said “Somehow I doubt it. You seem shallow and I doubt you leave that in the club.”
I asked him “Are you upset with me?”

He said yes, and I immediately got up and left. I’m starting to feel afraid of him because of his attitude. Do I talk to him about it? Or is he beyond help at this point? I’m not sure if I should just avoid him for my own safety.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

hysterical_abattoir −  If you danced with random guys you aren’t into, he’d just accuse you of leading them on. Weird logic (or lack thereof.)

ObsessedEasily −  Is he honestly comparing who you chose to dance with at a club to who you chose to see as a patient in your professional capacity as a doctor? He’s being willfully obtuse; there’s no way anyone is this clueless. Also, he said you *seem* shallow.

That’s an odd way to phrase it when you’re talking to someone you’ve known for eight years. After almost a decade of friendship he should know your character by now.

Has he made strange comments like this before? Personally, I wouldn’t want to remain friends with someone who insulted me out of nowhere. It may be better to avoid him.

[Reddit User] −  He’s giving of major “She friend-zoned me” vibes. F**king gross.

GoingPriceForHome −  Beyond help. When a man is saying your s**ual preferences and consent = discrimination, he’s basically saying you should dance and bang any man that approaches you. I wouldn’t feel safe around a man like that, and I’d warn your other lady friends about him too.

one_bean_hahahaha −  How many women does he discriminate against because they’re too fat or too u**y?

Tivland −  r/Niceguys He was pretending to be a friend and was hovering around waiting for what he thought would be his chance. Stay far, far away.

JackBz −  One of the most insane jumps in logic I’ve ever read re: asking if you discriminate as a doctor. The fact that he also had a night to stew on this weird intrusive thought of his and bring it up to you the next day makes me think he’s beyond help

mormagils −  I don’t understand why people don’t get that the _purpose_ of s**ual/relational tastes is to discriminate. That is the whole idea. If we weren’t trying to discriminate, we’d date/f**k anyone.

But instead, we are usually looking for a limited number of people to date/f**k, usually even excluding all the way down to everybody except one person.If someone accuses me of discriminating in my dating or s** life then my response would be “well obviously, I’m glad you noticed.”

Acornwow −  Your friend is salty. I can guarantee he doesn’t live his life by the standards that he’s telling you that you should.. Dance with whomever you want.. Date whomever you want. Be friends with people that don’t make you feel bad for having your standards.

ionlyreadtitle −  Just let it go. He sounds like a real l**er.