My [28M] parents [60s M/F] are about to meet my girlfriend [26F] and they’re going to weird about her weight, what do I do?

A man is anxious about introducing his girlfriend of two years to his parents due to their outdated and judgmental views on weight. Despite his girlfriend being a talented, accomplished individual, her weight and history with an eating disorder make her sensitive to potential criticism.

The man is torn between warning his parents to behave respectfully, preparing his girlfriend for possible negativity, or finding another way to ensure the meeting goes smoothly.

‘ My [28M] parents [60s M/F] are about to meet my girlfriend [26F] and they’re going to weird about her weight, what do I do?’

I have found what could very likely be the girl of my dreams. I could accurately use any cliche in the book to describe this woman. My world went from black and white to color when I met her, she knows me better than I know myself, and I feel complete for the first time. We’ve been dating for two years. We’re planning to move in together.

She’s never met my parents, and it’s starting to become obvious that I’m putting it off. I keep putting it off, because I know my parents won’t like her. My parents have very antiquated views about what a woman should be and one of those things is thin. My girlfriend has an eating disorder, she is 5’2 and roughly 200 pounds.

My family thinks if a woman is overweight it means she’s infertile, self centered (doesn’t care if her man finds her attractive), inactive, poor impulse control, and not a contributing member of society, I could go on and on. First of all, my girlfriend has been an athlete her whole life and competed at a national level all through college.

She went to an Ivy League school, graduated with Latin Honors, and is the youngest person to ever have the job she has where she works.. She’s unfucking believable. She’s so used to being the best and succeeding at things that her weight is a major sticking point for her and something she is very sensitive about.

I don’t know how to handle it with my parents if they make a comment (they did it to my brother’s old girlfriend, no reason to believe it won’t happen again) or if they’re just generally hostile. I’ve told her my parents are from a different time and place and are very sexist and whether or not they like her will have no bearing on how I view her but I still don’t know how to handle this.

My girlfriend really wants my family to like her since we’re going to move in together and I don’t know what to do about this. Usually we talk things out very directly but her eating disorder stems from a traumatic period in her life so discussing it has to be handled carefully and I’m not sure how to basically say “my parents are kind of morally bankrupt in some ways” without ruining any chance of a relationship between the three of them.

Should I call my parents beforehand and tell them if they plan to be rude they’ll just never meet her? Or tell my girlfriend if something happens she has my blessing to say “go f**k yourself” and walk out? Or something else entirely? I’m freaking out about this.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

FreshIndividual −  “Should I call my parents beforehand and tell them if they plan to be rude they’ll just never meet her? Or tell my girlfriend if something happens she has my blessing to say “go f**k yourself” and walk out?” Both. Absolutely do both of these.

Your girlfriend should not only know what to expect, but know that she has your full support. Though it might be awkward explaining it, the considerate thing is to explain it to her so she can go into introductions fully informed and prepared.

I know that’s what I would want, because the alternative is having the rug pulled out from under you and wondering if your partner knew and just didn’t warn you or if their parents just hate you specifically. It’s also very important to tell your parents so they know where you stand from the beginning.

Good luck to you! It really sounds like you’re in love with this woman, and I hope it works out.

PepperFinn −  Be honest with her. Tell her you are avoiding introducing her to them not because you’re embarrassed of her but because you’re embarrassed of ***them***.
Tell them they have backwards, 1950s views of womanhood and have been incredibly rude to your brothers girlfriend and you don’t want her to be treated the same.

You think she is the most amazing person ever and you don’t want her to think “less” of you for having a crappy family. Tell her she doesn’t have to put up with crap from them and if they cross a line you are both free to speak your peace and walk away.

Tell your family that she is the most amazing, accomplished person you’ve ever met and she and you will not tolerate any disrespect. That if they do you’ll both walk.

Chicken_Menudo −  It’s times like this I’m reminded of the following exchange in Shallow Hal: Hal – Okay, who do you think is the most beautiful woman in the world?. Mauricio – Wonder Woman. Hal – Okay… let’s say everyone else in the world thought Wonder Woman was u**y.

Mauricio – It wouldn’t matter. Because I know they’d be wrong. Hal – See! That’s what I had with Rosemary!. Mauricio – You’re right.

nailback −  Don’t do a long visit. Meet over coffee.

alli436 −  You sound like an awesome boyfriend to her, and she sounds amazing! This sucks so bad! It is a tough situation. The unfortunate thing is that it’s looking like no matter how things happen your girlfriend will be hurt, so she will need your support and you will have to be very reassuring to her.

If you can think of a way to put your parents in a situation/scene where they would have to behave, the meeting might go okay. Do they care about appearances or other people’s opinions? You could make it a small neighbourhood get-together or something. Or hold the meeting in a very public place and people who they behave around.

Use their fears lol. Even if the situation is perfect, they still might be rude and I think you need to prepare your girlfriend in a very gentle and kind way. She will be hurt, but talking about this beforehand is better than her feeling humiliated and upset because your family roasts her.

If nothing else, giving her a gentle heads up about the situation may be a good idea. I suppose it’s sort of like dating someone from a different cultural background if your parents are r**ist. It’s tough, but she’s in the relationship to be with you, not them!

You seem to love her very much, and I’m sure she know this! But she still struggles with body image and this won’t be easy for her so it won’t hurt to reassure her. Tell her that she’s beautiful and desirable to you exactly as she is. She may never have a good relationship with your parents, but you clearly love her enough for the both of them.

Sandmint −  Tell your parents beforehand about how commentary will not be tolerated. If they make a comment, you two will get up and leave. You are a united front with your girlfriend. At 5’2″ and 200 pounds, your girlfriend is morbidly obese, not overweight. That’s a BMI of 36.6.

A “normal” BMI is 18.5–24.9. 35+ is the category for m**bid obesity. She could really benefit both emotionally and physically from seeing a psychiatrist. You may be fine with her looks, but she deserves a life without disordered eating and an avenue to address trauma.

Chuck2793 −  Definitely launch a preemptive strike here. Tell them the situation, remind them it is your decision and that it is a courtesy you are even introducing them to her. You love her and that is all that should matter to them.

That said (and you know this) 5’2 / 200 is well beyond overweight. You sound like the kind of dude that is supporting her in trying to be the healthiest version of herself – it’s not at all about appearance but very much about fitness, heart health, etc. Keep it up dude and good luck.

[Reddit User] −  Go and see your parents beforehand. Explain about your girlfriend (don’t go into detail about her trauma, but explain cause and effect). Tell them of her achievements, let them know how much you love and respect her. Show them pictures so nothing is a shock. Now this next bit will be the hard part.

You need to lay down the law. “If you mention her weight, have any digs, or are hostile towards her in any way shape or form, I will cut contact/put you in a timeout for (1 week/month/year, you decide). The second time you say anything unkind it will be (2). The third offence will be (4, then 8 then 16 etc).

Make no mistake, she is the love of my life and if I have to, I will cut you out of my life completely before I allow you to cause her any pain, are we clear? This is not a joke, i will not relax my stance over time, and I will not back down on this.” The time out bit is uo to you, you may want to go nuclear from the first offence,

I don’t know, but be very very firm that any transgression will result in them losing something important to them (access to grandkids for example). Then do not leave your girlfriend alone with them. Like, ever, because they may say things behind your back to her and she may not want to upset you and tell you.

_Spiral_Out_ −  I’m just disturbed that this post was made about how to handle the situation but majority of replies are people commenting that’s she morbidly obese. What the actual f**k. If she’s wearing a size 12 she’s probably just thick and y’all way too hung up on numbers.

My mom and I are are the same weight but I wear I smaller size and I’m 2 inches shorter. I carry most of my weight in my chest so we are shaped differently. I think warning her is the right course of action. Also telling your parents beforehand so they know that nonsense will not be received well and you will not tolerate it. Good luck and hopefully it goes smoothly.

SnailCrossing −  What is with all these people commenting on the GF’s weight!? Totally irrelevant!! The issue here is the parents and dealing with them. OP didn’t ask for commentary on his GF’s weight!