My (28M) bf just drunk called me to tell me (25f) his ex moved on too quick

After dating her boyfriend for a year, mostly long-distance, she finds herself in an emotional dilemma. During his trip back home, he had a chance encounter with his ex-girlfriend at a club. Later that night, he drunkenly called to express heartbreak over his ex moving on “too quickly,” leaving her hurt and questioning the stability of their relationship.

‘ My (28M) bf just drunk called me to tell me (25f) his ex moved on too quick’

I’ve been dating my current bf for a year now. We have been long distance since the start of 2018. He recently went back to his home country and on the second day of his trip, went out for drinks with his friends. His ex showed up at the club with her current bf and since they haven’t seen each other for more than a year, it made sense for the two of them to say hi to each other. One thing led to another and an argument started. My BF left the club feeling disappointed and too drunk of course.

He gets to the house and calls me telling me how heart broken he is. As a good gf of course I ask what the issue is. Only to find out that his ex moved on too quick and her presence still hurts him. One year has gone to waste. Feeling really hurt. At this point I feel like breaking up with him is the only solution. You really can’t be with someone who hasn’t moved on. I really do love him very much but it’s really hurts knowing that he still loves his ex. What do I do?

Tldr; My bf just called me to tell me his ex gf moved on too fast. Should I break up with him?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Fuchshaie −  I can understand having a sad drunk moment when you see your ex for the first time after a break up. It does seem like a lot though – you guys have been together for a year and he’s concerned his ex moved on too quickly?? Idk have a sober chat but be suspicious.

fermat1432 −  Have a talk with him when he is sober.

fforgetso −  He’s hurt and drunk him wanted to let you know. If you really like the guy, I think you should talk to him when he’s sober and ask a few questions. People saying “d**p him” without more info are being premature.

actuallyasuperhero −  I think you need to have a conversation with him about how he feels about his ex when he is sober and not hungover. Look, I’ve cried about some seriously dumb s**t while drunk. I cried because my cat ran away when I was teenager and my new cat did something that reminded me of her. That doesn’t mean I want my new cat to be my old cat or that I’m still broke hearted about my cat from 8 years ago.

It means I was sad about something that was a big part of my life changing and even now, years later, it was something that sucked. And breakups s**k. Even if you’re over them. Seeing someone you used to love be over you can feeling like r**ection, even if you don’t want them anymore. Especially if you’re already feeling drunk and vulnerable. If this is something you can’t get over, than that’s that. But if you love him, talk to him. Find out if this is actually him pining over the ex, or if he just needed to be sad and she became the target for those feelings.

cr1zzl −  When I was around 18 years old, I had my first real relationship. We were together for quite awhile and went through a lot. In the end I realised that I wasn’t in love with them (although I did love them) and wanted something else. We broke up.

A year later I met someone else who I fell crazy in love with, feelings I had never felt before (and when they broke up with me 2 years later it shattered my heart). However, a couple months after we started dating I found out that my 1st ex started dating someone new (someone I actually knew quite well), and although I knew it was bound to happen, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I started to cry. My partner at the time was there and asked me what was wrong and I cried and cried in their arms and told them how I was feeling (really hurt).

I realise now that I probably gave into those feelings a little too much and just spilled them all over the person I was with, which wasn’t fair on them. I see now how much that may have hurt that person. However, I didn’t see it like that at the time, I saw it as expressing my feelings to the person I loved. It didn’t take away from how much I loved them… it was just a shock to the system. That’s it. I was feeling something and wanted to share it.

Looking back years later, it’s kinda odd to think that I reacted so violently to the news of my first ex moving on, because I was BY FAR way more in love with my 2nd ex. Feelings are funny like that. Some might even say that you can have powerful feelings for more than one (or two or three) people in your lifetime (spoiler alert – of course you can). Please don’t listen to these people telling you to break up without even having a sober conversation with your partner. Communicate with them. And decide from there.

MsCreature −  Wait… dating for a year. Long distance since 2018? Either you had a break or the math is off.

crazybitchgirl −  Lol what?? You guys have been together for a year or so. He hasn’t seen his ex in like a year or so and is mad that she “moved on fast”….. while you guys have been together almost since they broke up?. And hes “heartbroken” over it? Girl this guy considers you a rebound. He was heartbroken that his ex moved on “fast” after a year while he has been dating you for a year.. You need to drop this guy.

feet4youu −  I personally would break up with him because I couldn’t be with someone still hung up on their ex like that. Anyone still in love with their ex does not have the heart or capacity to be in love with and give their attention to someone else. I’d also feel like I had been lied to (in terms of his overall feelings, and whether or not whatever he’d been saying to me was true), but if you’ve been together a year he obviously does like you. It’s completely up to you. Either decision is justified.

dent_1sxt −  Thank you all for your thoughts and insights.I will have a sober conversation with him. But right now, I need some time off for myself as it deeply hurts. Once again, thank you reddit.

feet4youu −  This is probably a stretch, but is it possible he wanted you to know? I’ve been drunk several times before, and unless you’re blackout drunk, it’s not difficult to reason to an extent. As in, some things are clearly still bad decisions even if you’re i**oxicated. Maybe that’s just me. So how much did he have to drink? I almost think he chose to call you instead of a “bro” or something because he wanted to confess to you he still had feelings for his ex. It’s possible he’s felt guilty and wanted to finally tell you.

It struck me as odd that he thought it would be wise to confide in his girlfriend over how torn up he is over his ex unless he wanted you to know. Does that make sense? Again, I could just be overthinking it, but based on my experience with alcohol, I can’t wrap my head around why he would call you over someone else for something involving an ex.