My (28f) husband (26m) took his ex’s(26f) side, kissed her and went to a bar with her to spite me?

A Reddit user shares a troubling experience where her husband took his ex-girlfriend’s side during a tense situation. The user’s husband allowed his ex to behave flirtatiously with him, kissed her, and went to a bar with her to spite the user after an argument.

The user feels deeply hurt and unsure how to proceed, as her husband defended his ex and claims her reaction to the situation was the reason for his actions. The situation leaves the user questioning what’s right and what to do next.

‘ My (28f) husband (26m) took his ex’s(26f) side, kissed her and went to a bar with her to spite me?’

This happened maybe last week, and I am still a little shaken up by it. I really need advice. On what to do/how to fix this/what is right or wrong…. So my husband’s good friend was living with us over the summer. Since it will conceivably be the last summer he’s going to be here, he often had friends and whatnot over to visit.

Well, the night before he left, friend invited over a ton of his friends and his sister… who also happens to be my husbands long-term ex girlfriend. They were pretty serious, dated from when they were 15 to 19. She immediately starts acting like nothing has changed between them- like she’s still his girlfriend. Behaving cutely, asking him to do things for her, etc.

At one point, she’s eating chicken wings (we ordered a ton of food, and despite this awkward mess, I hung around) and chokes a little on the spiciness. My husband offers her a paper towel, and she thanks “her Sky-Bear”. This is when I ungraciously flip my s**t. I tell her not to call him that and she needs to leave, right now.

My husband immediately bridles and stands up for her. “No she doesn’t. She’s not going anywhere.” I’m a little stunned. I have no idea what to say, but I back down, not wanting to push him.
“Okay, she doesn’t have to leave, but I’m going. And it’s weird that the person in this situation who’s the wife has to leave.”

“Fine.” He retorts and tells me he and his ex, and his friend are all going to the bar. And no, I’m not invited. I leave and go to bed, but before they go, I go down to use the bathroom and see him and his ex kissing. Mortified, I run back to bed. He joins me about three hours later, well past midnight.

I ask him why he’s acting the way he has been, and he admitted he just didn’t like me reacting so strongly against his ex, and my tone irked him. We fell asleep, and I have no idea what to say or do. Apparently my irrational bitchiness drove my husband to kiss his ex and go out with her to a bar for a few hours without me.. Now what the f**k do I do?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

[Reddit User] −  EDIT: based on all of your reactions, it gave me the courage to confront my husband. I really don’t know what to say. He was completely confused. He told me such an event never happened. He hasn’t talked to his ex in years, much less kissed her, and he would never think inviting her over without consulting me would be okay.

I texted his friend, and he didn’t remember ever doing something like this, either (inviting over a ton of people and sister). I even texted a person invited over- he kind of laughed and said he hadn’t been over to our house in months. I texted him the same time I was texting husbands friend, so there was no way for them to collude.

Woaaah…. ?? You should see a psychiatrist. No matter what is going on, it will help you deal. I think you should talk to more people you remember being there and see if you can piece anything else together. This is very serious and there are two possibilities I can think of.

One, your husband is lying and asking his friends to cover for him, which means you should get a divorce and therapy. Two, you could have a serious brain thing, like a tumor, causing false memories/amnesia type stuff, and you should see a therapist and a neuro specialist.

hastilywritten −  EDIT: based on all of your reactions, it gave me the courage to confront my husband. I really don’t know what to say. He was completely confused. He told me such an event never happened. He hasn’t talked to his ex in years, much less kissed her, and he would never think inviting her over without consulting me would be okay.

I texted his friend, and he didn’t remember ever doing something like this, either (inviting over a ton of people and sister). I even texted a person invited over- he kind of laughed and said he hadn’t been over to our house in months. I texted him the same time I was texting husbands friend, so there was no way for them to collude.

If this is true, you should make your way to the nearest hospital as soon as possible because you have a serious medical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.

shineyashoesguvna −  With that edit…. Go see a doctor. Like immediately

Flubberguard −  Schedule a consultation with a divorce attorney. And I don’t mean that to be cheeky or funny, either. That kind of cold, intentional disrespect and cruelty is just mind-boggling

popcorned −  Wait, what? What’s up with that edit..either you just dreamt all this OP or they are gas-lighting you…either way, I’m confused.

booo-you-whore −  Apparently my irrational bitchiness drove my husband to kiss his ex and go out with her to a bar for a few hours without me. No. Your husband being a s**t person drove him to kiss his ex. You did absolutely nothing wrong! You’re his priority, she isn’t. His reaction to your being uncomfortable with how she acts around him is bizarre.

He was more concerned about his ex than his own wife. Let that sink in for a moment. If I were in your place, I would leave. Why? Because the moment he sided with her + kissed her meant he lost respect for you and your marriage. Who’s to say this won’t happen again? People don’t just go around kissing their exes because their wife got mad at them.

BurleyQGirl −  Most men don’t respond to their wife being rude to another woman by almost instantly making out with the other woman. I’d be pretty surprised if this was the first instance of inappropriate behavior between the two of them. Before we got to the kissing I was going “oh well maybe she didn’t realize she was being overly flirty and inappropriate, you’re right,

you could have set some boundaries in a more low-key way…” but hell, clearly she DID realize exactly how girlfriend-y she was being and clearly your husband was on board with it.
And he supposedly did it “to spite you”? I hope he doesn’t feel like that mitigates his behavior at all. There’s not a “it’s not cheating if you’re doing it to p**s off your spouse lol” rule.

[Reddit User] −  I think you mean your EX kissed his ex… This guy is garbage. Divorce and go be happy and appreciated properly elsewhere.

[Reddit User] −  Wow. So your husband never got over this ex and kissed her and came to bed hours later? Sorry but much more than a kiss happened and you ate heading for a split.