My [27m] fiancee [26f] and I are finally in a place where we can get a dog. She just admitted that she doesn’t want a dog, and never has. Considering ending things over this.

A 27-year-old man is facing a tough situation with his fiancée, who admitted that she doesn’t want a dog despite him expressing this desire throughout their relationship. After recently moving into a pet-friendly home, he’s feeling stuck between his lifelong dream of owning a dog and his fiancée’s ultimatum: it’s either her or the dog.

‘ My [27m] fiancee [26f] and I are finally in a place where we can get a dog. She just admitted that she doesn’t want a dog, and never has. Considering ending things over this.’

Hi reddit. My fiancee Ali and I have been together for 4 years, living together for 2, recently got engaged. Our relationship has been great for the most part, one of the few things we disagree on is animals. I love animals and Ali feels indifferent towards most animals.
To give a little background about me – I’ve always been an animal lover. Throughout my childhood, my mom hated animals, especially dogs.My mom never let us have any pets and she used to tell us that once we were adults we could have whatever animals we wanted.

When I moved away for college, I lived on campus for 4 years (and therefore couldn’t have any pets). I’ve wanted a dog for as long as I could remember, but up until recently it wasn’t in the cards for me to have a dog. Ali and I currently live in a not-so-pet-friendly city for renters. I always lived in apartments that never allowed pets, even with a pet deposit.

When Ali and I met I told her about wanting to get a dog someday. Ali told me that she doesn’t like a lot of dogs, but would be open to the right dog. This was in the very beginning of us meeting – I basically made it really clear that I will own a dog one day. Throughout our relationship, I would occasionally bring up wanting a dog. Ali would remind me that our apartment doesn’t allow for pets (which was true). Ali and I agreed that once we moved into a place that allowed for pets, we would look into getting a dog.

About 2 months ago Ali and I moved into a house just outside of the city we work in. The house is a good size for the 2 of us (plus extra), the landlord is pet-friendly, and the house has a huge, fenced in yard. It’s a much more residential area, and there’s a dog park about 3 blocks from the house. On top of the house being perfect for a dog, I’m in a financial place where I can afford a dog. I make very good money and I don’t have to travel for work. I’m mentally prepared for potential pet fees and other expenses for having people watch the dog.

Since we’re finally settled in the house, I decided to mention to Ali again about going to the shelter and looking at the adoptable dogs. Only this time, Ali didn’t have an excuse for why we couldn’t get one. After a few weak excuses (i.e. sometimes we go away), Ali broke down and told me that she doesn’t want a dog. In fact, she’s never wanted a dog. She was hoping I would forget about my dreams of wanting a dog.

I’m not sure what to do. I’m trying to reason with Ali but she said her answer will always be “no” to a dog. She just doesn’t like them and doesn’t want them. She basically gave me an ultimatum – either her, or my potential dog. I’m feeling s**tty about this, because I always made it clear to her that I was going to want a dog someday. I feel like she was banking on something unrealistic, and now she’s putting me in a lousy spot. Is there a way to compromise on this?

TL;DR – Girlfriend and I can finally get a dog, she admitted that she doesn’t want a dog and never has. She gave me an ultimatum – either her or a dog.

See what others had to share with OP:

usualfamilyissues −  I think the bigger issue is the way she communicates and has basically lied to you about something that is really important to you. It is a big breach of trust. I think that is something that needs to be considered carefully. She has now put you in the horrible position of being “the bad guy” who she would tell people picked a “dog” over her! When the reality is that she has intentionally misled you about something that she knows is very important to you – or at best, completely discounted something that is very important to you. She isn’t treating you with respect or like a partner.

Starcrossedforever −  I never wanted a dog but my husband did. I agreed to getting one because it was important to him. Our agreement was that he takes care of all dog related things. The dog whines to go out at 2am? My husband gets up and deals with it. He vomits on the floor? Still husband’s job. I’ve grow to adore the dog too and now help out more, but knowing that I didn’t have to deal with the bulk of the issues really helped me adjust.

I can’t say this will work for you, but maybe there is a way to compromise here. Maybe she’s afraid of the upkeep and cleaning? I understand being upset she lied and don’t blame you if this is a deal breaker. If you are open to discussing it, I would just suggest seeing why she doesn’t want a dog.

bravepig −  Good news is, you can meet plenty of nice girls at the dog park near your house.

[Reddit User] −  She’s banking on the fact that you’ve built this whole life together in order to force you into giving up your dream of owning a dog. And now that she’s confronted with her lies, she gets to act like you’re being petty and choosing an imaginary pet over the woman you asked to spend the rest of your life with. You either stay and give in to her long con, never getting your dog, or you break up and she gets a sob story about how she was dumped for a hypothetical dog.

Have you ever seen this type of behavior from her before? Has she been passive aggressive or m**ipulative or uncommunicative before now? If not, it may be that she agreed early on because she didn’t want to jeopardize things and didn’t realize how much it meant to you until it was too late, and then just completely mishandled things. If she has, then this is just a bigger example of what a m**ipulative a**hole you’re engaged to. I hope it’s the former, but the fact that she won’t discuss it and she put an ultimatum on you to force you into doing what she wants is a big red flag that suggests the latter.

[Reddit User] −  It isn’t about the dog. It’s about her lying to you for the entirety of your relationship. That is not the way to have healthy communication. She knew you’d not date her if she ever told the truth, so she lied. She dated you under false pretenses. Is that really the kind of person you want to marry?

[Reddit User] −  A dog will love you forever and unconditionally you know. Just saying.

enrichmentonly −  Well, if she’s given you an ultimatum, then no, there’s no compromise. What a d**k move on her part. Bring a dog home and tell her she can pack her things.. So sorry about this.

moonlightracer −  She pulled a really hurtful long con on you. She lied to you for years and years just so you would stay with her. That’s incredibly unhealthy for a relationship. It doesn’t matter what she lied about. She has terrible communication techniques and lied to you for years. I would never be able to get over that. What else is she willing to lie about in order to get you to stay with her?

[Reddit User] −  Dog stuff aside, she is not a woman who is ready to be a wife. This is her major conflict resolution strategy. Tell half truths/lie, avoid, and hope her partner changes (drops) common reasonable and mainstream things about himself.

I love dogs but I do not want to own one in the city. It’s just so much more of a micromanaging responsibility. If I shacked up with an urban dog owner I’d be very up front about not wanting dog responsibility. No poop and scoops, no walks, and I would prefer to stay later at parties if good times are still flowing if he had to go walk the dog and be responsible. The misrepresentation of her stance and enthusiasm super sucks and has complicated problems. But, I personally feel that cohabitating with your dog that you’re responsible for seems like a good compromise.

gamerladyM −  Part of my requirements for a partner include being a cat lover. It’s non negotiable for me. My cat is a part of my life and no one can ever change that. You made it clear that having a dog was part of your future plans on multiple occasions. I don’t understand how she could think you would change your mind.