My (27F) boyfriend (30M) spent our anniversary with another girl because he was angry my ex (28M) visited my parents.

A Reddit user found herself at a crossroads when her boyfriend, Mark, skipped their anniversary as “revenge” for her ex visiting her sick father. After forgiving him, she later discovered he had lied about where he was that day.

Things took a darker turn when her ex, Jason, reached out to say that Mark had been harassing him online. Confronting Mark only led to more denial and hostility, leaving her to question whether their relationship was salvageable. Read the original story below…

‘ My (27F) boyfriend (30M) spent our anniversary with another girl because he was angry my ex (28M) visited my parents.’

Two weeks ago, it was mine and Mark’s anniversary, we’ve been dating for two years. We had plans after he finished work, but he never showed up. I tried to call and text him, but he ignored me all day and didn’t contact me until after 1am. He was drunk and went on a rant about how I deserved this because I shouldn’t have invited Jason (my ex) to my parents’ house.

I was pretty mad at him and told him I thought we should break up. He ended apologizing profusely and assuring me he would never do something like that again and he was just feeling insecure. I decided to give him a second chance. To clarify about Jason, we had an amicable break up three years ago because we didn’t like having a long-distance relationship whilst he was away for med school.

My dad had a heart attack a week before my anniversary and Jason\*\* went to see him since his mom is friends with mine. Me and Mark turned up whilst he was there. Jason was discussing some of the treatment options the doctors had given my dad with my mom. He left a little while later.

When he left, my mom made a comment about how helpful Jason was. Mark mentioned later that he didn’t like that Jason was there or what my mom said about him, but I reassured him he was there as a family friend and not an ex. He seemed to be over it after that.

Yesterday, Mark’s friend Penelope mentioned how Mark had gone out with her and a group of her friends that day. I’m furious because he told me he had spent the day at a bar alone getting drunk. Mark doesn’t understand why I’m angry over this since I already forgave him for missing our anniversary.

Jason’s mom called me the day after to ask if she could give him my number. This was very random since he’s always respected my decision not to stay in touch with him, so I figured it had to be something important. I gave her the go ahead and Jason called me later in the day. He sounded pretty irritated on the phone and asked me to tell my boyfriend to leave him alone.

Mark had been harassing him on facebook all day since I moved out. He’d sent him some n**ty and threatening messages and he also commented on every picture that included me on his profile. Mark’s messages read like he was drunk, not that that is an excuse. Jason did block him, but Mark kept making new accounts. I was super embarrassed by his behavior and apologized to Jason and told him I’d talk to Mark.

Mark denied it. He tried to say Jason faked the screenshots he sent me to make Mark look bad. When I told him I didn’t believe him, he got angry and tried to twist it back onto me again. He asked me why Jason even had my number, why we were even talking to each other and he accused me of letting him ruin our relationship. He also made a comment about how I should just go f\*ck Jason if that’s what I wanted.

I think my relationship is dead. I wanted to try to address his jealousy and how he handles it to see if we could work things out, but he just isn’t willing/able to talk about it without getting defensive. The last conversation I had with Jason was him sending me a screenshot of Mark apologizing to him but this just feels performative now.
I don’t really know what I’ll do now but I’ll post a final update when I’ve made my decision.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

D_Nicole91 −  Wow. Mark really let his jealousy ruin his relationship. How embarrassing!

SteakNotCake −  I had to double check your ages after reading the update. Your (I hope EX) boyfriend is super immature. First he ignored you and went out with another woman on your anniversary instead TALKING to you and figuring out why your EX was at your parents house. Then he starts harassing someone when things don’t go his way. He’s showing you how he reacts to conflicts. Imagine being married to this man or having kids with him. =/

loopsicorn −  Just leave him. His behaviour is childish and unacceptable. You’te better off without him. Jason sounds nice tho… Yk, just saying.

hecatonchires266 −  Time to leave him lady. You do not deserve this embarrassment at all because your boyfriend can’t handle himself.

MidwestCPA91 −  Yikes. This is not the behavior I would expect from a well adjusted 30 year old. I don’t see how this relationship is salvageable

[Reddit User] −  After ditching you on your anniversary I was prepared to suggest moving on from him. The update though only seals the deal. Harassing the ex is going way too far. He is clearly jealous, childish and hot headed. You deserve better.

Nibesking −  Yeah, that thing with Mark is brain dead. You guys can get together and all. But Mark looks like the guy who will keep the resentment up his b**t forever.
Just let him go. You definitely will find something better.

The-Scarlet-Witch −  I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again. Mark is a man-child with no comprehension of how to behave as a decent human being. He’s breaking some exceedingly simple rules: 1. You do not harass the friendly ex of your current girlfriend. 2. You do not make your girlfriend’s time of loss (especially of a parent) about you.

Cut your losses with Mark. See a counsellor to deal with grief and this compounded trauma of a bad break-up at a key time. Make sure you let your friends and loved ones know what you need too; they’re sure to be ready to help you, but may need an idea of how.

Whether that’s coming over with prepared meals or helping you focus on something else, you’ll be better off surrounded by those who care about you. I’d also call Jason once if you feel okay with that and tell him how much his visit to your father meant.

When you’re in a clearer place, maybe consider if that LDR is something worth picking up again. Internet strangers have commented on how mature, compassionate, and kind Jason appears to be — and those men aren’t a dime a dozen.

dianaprince76 −  Ditch him. He’s way too old to be doing crap like that. Especially the stalking of the ex.

boniumbones −  Mark is a super, astronomical ….a**hole. You need space from this guy, forever.

Jealousy can be a poison that destroys trust. When a partner refuses to communicate and resorts to lies and harassment, is there any way forward? What would you do in her situation? Share your thoughts below!