My (27f) boyfriend (23m) tried to throw out our bed so he could play a video game.

A woman is shocked to find her boyfriend dismantling their bed to make space for a VR headset in their tiny studio apartment—without discussing it with her first. While he’s excited about the possibilities of virtual reality, she feels their shared living space and her needs are being disregarded. How can she address his behavior and find a resolution? Read the full story below.

‘ My (27f) boyfriend (23m) tried to throw out our bed so he could play a video game.’

Me and my boyfriend have been living together for about a year now and for a while he’s been really interested in virtual reality. Now the problem is that our tiny studio apartment isn’t big enough to jump around in. He knows this, I know this, and we’ve had multiple conversations about how it’s a shame we don’t live in some huge house where we could dedicate an entire room to something like that.

I went out yesterday for a walk and a picnic yesterday and came back to my boyfriend dismantling our bed. I assumed something had broken and asked what had happened. Nothing was broken. He’d managed to order an oculus quest headset and had made the executive decision that we could swap our double bed for a Japanese futon??

There is no f**king room for this. Even if we lived on the ground floor (which we don’t), and I was willing to sleep on the floor (which I’m not), the room just isn’t big enough. It would dominate the entire room. Am I supposed to crouch in the kitchen whilst he plays? Our entire home is being compromised for what is effectively a video game.

I honestly don’t really know what to say. He thinks he’s being entirely reasonable to do this without involving me. I don’t even know what to say to him here since the whole thing seems so ridiculous and he’s so obviously being unreasonable yet is oblivious and keeps saying I’ll really enjoy vr and it’ll all be worth it. I told him I was worried he’ll damage the TV or my art supplies and he is convinced it won’t be a problem as they have sensors for that.

I love my boyfriend and he’s always been entirely reasonable and level headed until now and we always discuss everything. How do I get through to him about this? If it wasn’t so difficult right now I’d be considering moving out or leaving. I told him I’d throw it out the window when it arrived unless he was going to sit down and have a serious conversation about this but he just won’t take anything I say seriously. TL;DR My boyfriend bought a vr headset and wants to remove our bed to play it in our tiny studio apartment and can’t see this is unreasonable.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

edm_ostrich −  Tell him he better be able to get a virtual girlfriend on it to sleep on the floor with him.

myinquisitiveself −  he was dismantling the bed when you were away so he could finish the job before you got there, so that you’d be powerless. he doesn’t care about your opinion enough to talk about it with you..or enough to use his own common sense!? he definitely needs a good shake up, you’ve got to give him an ultimatum cos he’s acting like a child so he needs to get treated like one really. because currently it seems like he thinks his actions don’t have consequences, so you have to show him they do.

blanktotal −  Am I supposed to crouch in the kitchen whilst he plays? If you let this go, yes. Imagine that. He’ll be in a VR headset, completely dead to the world for hours and hours at a time, dominating your entire living space while you crouch in the kitchen. How is your apartment set up? Could you walk around him while he’s playing? Leave, go to the bathroom, come home, etc? How will you live while he gets what he wants?

Think about that, and then think about how he doesn’t care about any of that. He doesn’t care what you’ll do, he just wants what he wants. Your comfort and home be damned. Is that really the kind of relationship/living space/dynamic you want?

[Reddit User] −  Sounds like you’re dating a child. Is this the first time he’s selfish done something like this?

sammers510 −  Oh honey, I get you. My boyfriend got an oculus rift when they very first came out, I think he even preordered it. For 6+ months it was non stop VR is going to change our lives/the world, soon EVERYTHING is going to be available in VR etc. then it came, he put it in the living room originally, all the furniture had to be moved when he wanted to play, plus it’s wired so try not tripping over everything when your playing.

I hated it, but his house that we live in is large enough to get away from it if I needed to, it doesn’t sound like you have that option. Thankfully he eventually realized that it was incredibly cumbersome and in the way and he moved it to his office. I can’t remember the last time he used it, but I’m betting it was at least a year ago if not more.

I know he still loves VR but the tech just isn’t where he wanted it to be and as soon as it is he will be back on it and we’re going to have to make sure that it’s not dominating a shared space, we’ve talked about finding a house with a basement so he can have a gaming space that is also able to have guests easily hang out in.

I would just have a conversation, tell him you’re not attacking his hobby but that you’re not willing to change your life drastically for it. He’s really young and probably hasn’t had to be very considerate of someone else to this degree before and he’s gotta learn now that he doesn’t get to dismantle a shared space without approval of the people sharing it. If he takes it poorly and insists well then it’s in your court, do you want to be with someone who unilaterally decides important things? (A bedroom setup is pretty important).

You’re not his mom, you don’t get to tell him what to do but both of your should be trying to work it out while taking the other persons wants into consideration. It called compromise and your both going to have to do some of this if the relationship continues.
He has to understand if he doesn’t have access to a space that’s just his he doesn’t get 100% say.

Also don’t throw it out, destroy it etc. that makes you a way bigger j**k, you have no right to destroy/give away his property. The only leverage you have is your willingness to continue a relationship with him. I know you think you’re stuck but you’re not. It’s hard to leave without support but what happens if he hurts you? Cheats on you? Stops bathing and hordes 50+ cats? You need an exit plan always. Start looking into rooms for rent and other housing options. It’s not impossible to even find a room to share not just rent on your own if money is that tight. Being free of a bad relationship is worth the hardship it takes to do it.

The worst thing you can do for yourself is to let the other person know that you have no choice but to stay. Once they know that they know they can do a bunch of not ok stuff because you aren’t going to leave. Never let anyone think they have you on their hook no matter what. You are probably a wonderful person who deserves love and respect and shouldn’t settle for someone who only gives you one of those things. Ride or die is only for people who truly have your back and are willing to work out whatever comes along, not just one dictating how it’s going to be and the other person has to fall in line.

DoYerThang −  He wants what he wants. And he is happy to completely ignore you. You do not exist. Because you seek to get in the way of what he wants. I think the one regret I have is continuing to struggle to “get through” to someone who just did not care. Just only cared about himself and what HE wanted and needed. Don’t go through that.

[Reddit User] −  The thing that really gets me about all of these posts is when people say they love their SO and they’ve always been totally reasonable, but just this one time they went too far and dismantled a studio apartment for a VR system…you’re telling me there have been NO HINTS BEFORE THIS.

Trippygirl13 −  So throw it out when it arrives, and buy a single bed just yourself (the last part was a joke, unless you’ve got some spare money). It’s completely unreasonable, he has no right to make this desicion without you and you are entitled to reacting quite dramatically since he refuses to cooperate. Act as unreasonable as he is, give him a taste of his own medicine.

berth-ell-pup −  This is what happens when you date someone at a wildly different stage in life. No, it’s not about the age gap in early to mid 20s relationships – it’s about life experience. You’re 27. You’ve presumably been in the adult world with real responsibilities for half a decade. This kid is barely out of college. I bet this isn’t the first time something highlighting the maturity gap has come up, it’s just (hopefully) the most egregious.

Wtfisthisbsomg −  He will do this forever without therapy. I am divorced from my ex husband due to what I didn’t recognize as untreated gaming addiction (a long with a bunch of other s**t that I saw and ignored because I was a d**bass). Tell him you need to end the relationship unless he gets treatment because making big decisions without you that prioritize a game over quality is life is a deal breaker for you.

Also be prepared to follow through and leave, no matter how embarrassing you think it will be. I wish I had just been embarrassed and moved back in with my parents after that first six months of living together instead of getting married and then divorced… And still moving right back in with my parents except as an older person lol.