My (26M) Gf (27F) said she wanted to end our relationship because I fell asleep out of exhaustion.
A Reddit user (26M) shares a heartfelt account of their year-long relationship with their girlfriend (27F), who has a history of an abusive past relationship.
Despite making significant changes to his life—such as losing 55 pounds, adopting a healthy lifestyle, and managing most of their household responsibilities—his girlfriend ended the relationship after he fell asleep from exhaustion.
She interpreted his nap as “lazy” and a sign that he wasn’t meeting her standards. The user wonders if he’s at fault and seeks advice on whether he’s missing something in his efforts. Read the original story below to see the details.
‘ My (26M) Gf (27F) said she wanted to end our relationship because I fell asleep out of exhaustion. ‘
My (27F) girlfriend and I (26M) have been together for just shy of a year. Throughout our relationship, we have had many fights and arguments. We’ve worked through a lot, but no one has ever cheated or done anything horrible. We both expressed before dating that we wanted to push eachother to be better people.
She started our relationship going to the gym and meal prepping; something she enjoyed and found made her stable. I wanted to go to the gym everyday and eat healthy, something I had been working on to get back into and doing in the past. I’m currently down 55 pounds from when we first started talking.
Her last relationship, and only relationship, was with a POS Manchild who was a**sive. It’s was a few years before that relationship ended and her and I began dating. Every time we’ve argued, I’m always the one at fault. Even when I know it’s not my fault, I put myself in her shoes and apologize.
I can think of only two times in a year she has owned up to being wrong, but mostly blames me for things that, in my opinion, are not actually because of me. She’s expressed frustrations with me bigger things like previously sleeping too much, not following through, and a host of smaller things.
Recently we started going to the gym every morning. I’ve been waking up at 6:00 a.m. to go without problem. We’ve built a routine in the evenings that’s I’ve had to practically beg her to do. I’ve expressed it’s the only way I can function is to go to bed at a decent hour and get 7 hours of good sleep.
She can function on 5 and doesn’t seem to understand why I need so much. The break-up stems from last night where she told me she was done and checked out. And I explained and expressed to her, after she said some very hurtful things, that I’ve done everything she’s asked. But it’s never good enough.
I’ve told her we’re going to the gym, yet she says, “it’s only been 4 days in a row.” I tell her I’ve done all the household chores in addition to my physically labor intensive job. It’s not good enough. She said it’s taken a year and that I’ve stepped on her and don’t care about her by not doing everything she’s asked, which I have it’s just taken time..
Ive: -Completely changed my diet to 100% healthy foods. -Done everything she’s asked me to do in regards to making her feel loved. -Cut my sleep patterns back from 10-11 hours a day to 7. -Keep our apartment in prestine clean (she has OCD) condition.
-Busted b**t to make sure her financial needs are met (I pay the entire rent $1600. -Quit dipping and am done with nicotine. -Lost 55 pounds by a year of healthy habits. Today we woke up and went to the gym like normal. After getting home I made her and I breakfast and I didn’t feel good so I laid down (I didn’t have work today).
I ended up falling asleep for 2 hours. I didn’t get much sleep last night because of the argument (about 5 hours if that.) When I woke up, she said she’s done. She said she’s done because it’s a slap in the face to take a nap when she’s told me that she sees it as lazy.
Even though 95% of everything we’ve worked so hard for and the routines we’ve set are in place. Am I delusional in thinking she’s not seeing it clearly? Am I at fault?
How do I help make her see how far I’ve come and how much effort I’ve put in? How do I help her understand that I’ve overcome so much and set so many healthy habits that me falling asleep isn’t purposely a slap in the face to her?
See what others had to share with OP:
FunBodybuilder4620 − NTA. And I’m wondering if her last relationship truly ended because HE was a**sive. Because honestly she is now being a**sive to you.
femsci-nerd − Hon, you did this all for her but now you need to realize you did this for yourself. Let her go. She is blind but others will see!
LingonberryNo2455 − Whoa! Why the hell aren’t you accepting her breaking up with you? She’s gifted you that, wrapped up in all those huge red flags you’ve listed. Seriously, she’s m**ipulative and controlling. The fact you’re asking this question shows it.
Re-read what you wrote as if a friend was asking for help. Then you will see it as it comes across to others. If she can’t accept you for who you are, and you have to live by her rules, her views, you’ll never be happy. NTA. Find the strength to tell her you accept that the relationship is done.
I’ll bet the minute you do that, she’ll realise she’s lost control and start love bombing you it was a mistake and not to end it. YWBTA to yourself if you stayed with her. Given how you describe it, I’m thinking she was the a**sive one in her last relationship or they both were.. (Edited to correct spelling)
LordTuranian − Her last relationship, and only relationship, was with a POS Manchild who was a**sive. It’s was a few years before that relationship ended and her and I began dating. Every time we’ve argued, I’m always the one at fault.
Even when I know it’s not my fault, I put myself in her shoes and apologize. I can think of only two times in a year she has owned up to being wrong, but mostly blames me for things that, in my opinion, are not actually because of me.
She’s expressed frustrations with me bigger things like previously sleeping too much, not following through, and a host of smaller things. You sure he was a POS Manchild who was a**sive considering what you just wrote?
CreepWalk13 − Why are you with this person. You said she was in an a**sive relationship, but are you sure she wasn’t the abuser, bc that’s exactly what she’s doing to you.
What exactly does she bring to the relationship? You sound very unhappy. Why would you stay with someone that makes you feel that way. Nothing you do will ever be right, and it will get even worse. Let her leave.
7625607 − NTA. I can barely function if I only get 7 hours of sleep per night. Keeping you from getting enough sleep just because she doesn’t need as much sleep is borderline abuse. Take all your self improvement and keep it up for yourself.
Limp-Star2137 − NTA. There is a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Your girlfriend is g**lighting you and abusing you.
And it sounds like she may have twisted how her last relationship ended. Im gonna guess it was 100% because of her. . Leave. And do not look back.
ApricotBig6402 − NTA. As a woman who has been with my husband for 8 years.. I’m telling you… walk away. You are enough for someone. Your partner has unrealistic expectations. Every thing you’ve said about you is giving green flags.
You are a catch OP! Now go find yourself a catch because she is giving red flags. She gets mad at you for sleeping. You pay all the rent and still do the majority of the cleaning? Yeah… no. You’re being taken advantage of. She is using you and you deserve so much better. Let her go and find your catch OP!
TechnicolorTypeA − After all that and you still want to remain in the relationship? Seems like she’s not putting in any effort, not giving you any kind of support, and worst of all blaming everything unfairly on you.
It’s nice when trash decides to take itself out. You deserve someone that at least respects you and can put in the effort instead of the relationship being completely one sided.
Disastrous-Plum-3878 − NtA – you’ve done heaps, she doesn’t appreciate anything – find someone who does. Keep up the.good habits too, make them about you not keeping a woman happy.
Do you think the user’s girlfriend is justified in her frustration, or does the situation highlight deeper issues in the relationship? How would you handle balancing personal growth with a partner’s expectations? Share your thoughts below!