My [26F] sister in law [31F] always goes into my bedroom for no reason. How can I get her to stop?

A Reddit user is frustrated with their sister-in-law’s repeated visits to their bedroom without a clear reason, feeling it’s an invasion of privacy. Despite trying to hint at the issue, the sister-in-law continues to enter the room, which includes a recent awkward incident where she opened the user’s bedroom door while they were resting.

The user is unsure how to approach the situation without creating tension but wants to establish boundaries.

‘ My [26F] sister in law [31F] always goes into my bedroom for no reason. How can I get her to stop?’

Before anyone says anything, I know how stupid this sounds. But hear me out. I have my own home with her brother, and all three of our bedrooms and our only bathroom is upstairs. The only reason anyone has to be upstairs is to go to the toilet, or possibly to my daughter’s room if their kid is playing there too.

I’ve noticed whenever my SIL comes over, she just walks on through to our room, which I kinda feel like is an i**asion of privacy. All the clean laundry comes to our room, and if we have visitors we tuck away a few things in our room so it’s invariably the messiest room in the house and the one we least want people in.

But no matter what she’s always in there, and seemingly for no reason at all. It’s usually to ‘see my paint colour’ (it hasn’t been painted in over a year) or ‘see the cat’ or ‘look out the front window’. The worst was today – I came home from work early as I’m feeling ill.

I knew she was coming over with her kids and my partner kindly said I could stay in bed and not worry about coming down to be sociable etc, especially with the kids over it’s a lot when you have a headache. He said he just wasn’t gonna mention I was home at all because the kids would come try and chat and play if they knew I was here.

So I’m listening to them play in the next room and SIL comes up to check on them and sees they are all fine. THEN SHE OPENS MY BEDROOM DOOR. I’ve stuck my head under the covers and she hovers then closes it again. Wtf?? Why is she always opening my bedroom door like what is she expecting to see?

I just feel like because we’re all adults it’s an unspoken boundary, you don’t just hit up someone’s bedroom without having an invite to come see or a legit reason.
Am I weird for thinking this is irritating and not being able to make any sense out of it? Also I know that everyone is going to suggest I just talk to her about it but how awkward is that?

‘Yo I know you’re in you’re 30s now but please stay out of my room?’. I have tried in the past to hint that I hate having folk in there because that’s where all my laundry goes for ironing and all the spare toys get stored to create extra play room. She don’t give a s**t.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

hybbprqag −  My sister was like this. She has a habit of wandering about, aimlessly looking through things. I just told her bluntly, “Hey, could you stop looking through my stuff like that? I’m an adult now, I need some privacy.” She was actually very apologetic. She didn’t realize what she was doing and has since stopped completely. There’s something to be said for direct communication.

Mabelisms −  She’s nosy, bottom line. Just clearly tell her no. “Please don’t go on our bedroom.” You don’t have to give her any more than that. ETA and her brother should be the one to say it, not you.

[Reddit User] −  It’s incredibly inappropriate. Get a lock for that door.

JackNotName −  Also I know that everyone is going to suggest I just talk to her about it but how awkward is that? So,…. you already know what you need to do.
Guess what, it is time to adult. Adulting means ignore the awkwardness and having those conversations anyway. Why?

because reasonable boundaries are necessary. “Yo, SIL, I need you to respect my privacy. Stop going into my bedroom. Nope. No excuses, there is literally no reason for you to enter without asking my permission first.”

YellowLantana −  She’s proven that she’s impervious to hints, it’s time to be direct. Actually, the incident today would have been an ideal time to bring it up. When she poked her nose in your room you should have sat up and told her that the door was closed because its your private space and you would appreciate it if she would stop encroaching –whether or not you are home.

You could also tell your brother that you are fed up with her nosiness and that the next time you catch her at it, you will not be polite about telling her off. If he doesn’t step up and tell her to stop, you will have to do it yourself.

Rugger79 −  Any chance she has a pill addiction?

_Cornfed_ −  One of those swinging axe on a rope traps will get the hint across.

teresajs −  Change out the doorknob to one that locks. Then, lock the bedroom door whenever she visits.

SoulsticeCleaner −  Is she ever in there unsupervised? This could be a stretch, but a friend of mine had a huge opiate addiction and NONE OF US KNEW. She told me part of how she got so many pills was gaining access to her friend’s bedrooms and bathrooms and looking through their cabinets/drawers.

She said the hardest part was coming up with an excuse to gain unsupervised access to those areas, but she could always think of something.

CafeteriaMonitor −  I would get your husband to ask her to stop going into your bedroom. Yes it’s nosy and inappropriate. I would start keeping the door locked when she is coming over as well.