My [26F] mom’s [54F] plan to surprise my dad [55M] with a divorce is kind of cruel

One person from Reddit (26F) is grappling with her mother’s (54F) plan to divorce her father (55M) after nearly 30 years of marriage. While she’s supportive of her mother’s decision, she feels conflicted about the vindictive way her mother intends to handle it—by surprising her father with divorce papers while he’s distracted with hosting his best friend’s family.

‘ My [26F] mom’s [54F] plan to surprise my dad [55M] with a divorce is kind of cruel’

My parent’s have been married for almost 30 years. Their marriage is not great. My dad’s the kind of person who will come home from work and get angry that there isn’t dinner on the table. Growing up, my dad never treated my mother like an equal. She was expected to do all the housework and look after the children, and dote on her husband at all times.

My parents have been empty nesting for a few years now. I have one younger sister, and we are both out of the house and have our own lives. Neither of us kids have particularly LIKED our dad. Like, we love him in the way that you love family, and we are grateful that he provided for us and helped us pay for college.

But my dad is an a**hole who treats my mom poorly, and I never respected him for this. I recently got brunch with my mother, and she dropped some pretty heavy news. She’s planning on divorcing my father. I was honestly relieved and happy for her that she’s finally doing this, but her plan to do so is rather troubling.

My parents are Chinese immigrants. My dad’s best friend growing up (Daniel) and his family have been saving up for a trip to the US for years. They will be visiting my parents over Christmas. My dad, naturally, put the burden of this whole trip on my mother. He told her to organize their whole vacation, planning meals, reservations, activities, etc.

Basically my mom is expected to be the complete tour guide and handle all the stress and organization of their visit (including picking them up from the airport) while my dad just gets to hang out with his childhood friend and not deal with anything. My mom doesn’t even KNOW these people.

Apparently, however, this was the last straw for my mom. She is retaliating. She has only been pretending to organize this trip and faked a bunch of reservations and stuff to appease my dad. My dad thinks everything is organized and Daniel’s family is being completely taken care of.

Her plan, instead, is to serve him with divorce papers the day she is supposed to pick up Daniel’s family from the airport. My dad will be out of town on business up until the day Daniel arrives, so she will be moved out by then. Daniel’s family will be stranded at the airport, and my dad will come home to an empty house and no family.

While I support the divorce, I can’t help but feel like this plan is a little too cruel. She can be as vindictive towards my father as she wants, but to drag another family into this seems unfair. My dad completely deserves this, but Daniel didn’t do anything, and his family doesn’t deserve to fly into the US and face this level of commotion.

Is it my place to say anything? I voiced to my mother my concerns and she basically was like “f**k it and f**k him.” I barely talk to my father, but I don’t know who I should reach out to or who I can talk some sense into.

My dad has never been violent towards my mom or anything, but I’m also nervous about what would happen if I told my father the truth before my mom has had a chance to gather herself and move out of the house without him being present. It just seems like an explosive argument waiting to happen.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Curious_A_Crane −  Do not get involved with your mom’s plan. Seriously. Just because he didn’t abuse her physically doesn’t mean she wasn’t saddled with emotional abuse all these years, and she probably knows that shaming him in front of his friends is the best way to get her “revenge”.

Will Daniel feel some discomfort? Yes. Will it be life threatening or put him in any real danger? No. He will most likely be embarrassed for his friend. I might not agree with what your mom’s doing, but I haven’t lived through her circumstances with you dad. As long as she’s not physically/mentally hurting this other family. I say let it be.

NanaLeonie −  Could you maybe quickly pitch in and do some planning for the visiting family? This is a horrible way for your mom to handle it, but what occurs to me is that she is trying to get out of the house while your father is out of town. She may very well be afraid of him and feel this is the only way she can escape.

PurpleCorgi −  Stay out of it. It sounds like your dad is about to get a bit of karma.

yifrancisren −  Propose an alternative idea: Serve him divorce papers right before he leaves on his business trip, like, as she drops him off at the airport. She can immediately leave and wait for him to go on his trip. Make his professional interactions agonizing so he loses face in front of his coworkers. Make him scramble to plan the trip himself or tell his friends to cancel.

This still shames the hell out of him (what she wants) while making it less terrible on this random family (but he will still have to explain so he will still lose face in the process which is also what she wants).

Be at home when she drops him off to help her get the f**k out as soon as possible and pack while she’s driving him to the airport. Your participation in exchange for sparing this random family. I mean, it’s not the most dignified plan, but it gets s**t done without involving this random family as much which is what your worry seems to be.

Tbithrowaway33 −  I think you shouldn’t get involved. If you’re worried about Daniel, maybe make a brief guide to your city so he has some information on where to stay / what to do etc. and see if you can arrange a car to wait for him at the airport with the guide?

InfiniteCobwebs −  OP does NOT need to play substitute wife and organize events. I keep seeing this in the responses and it’s a really bad idea. If OP’s father gets the idea that he can call on her to arrange things for him,

it opens the door to an expectation of OP maintaining his house and life just like OP’s mother did. OP should stay out of the events. Her parents’ relationship is theirs to manage. OP’s father is an adult and can make alternate arrangements himself.

dredges_agridulce −  Don’t say anything. You getting involved could go wrong in so many ways! Best case scenario, you ruin this act of rebellion and risk your father taking preemptive measures to either block your mom from leaving our getting the closure in the way SHE wants for putting up with his crap for so long.

Worst case scenario, this revenge plan is really just a fantasy, one of what I’m sure is MANY that she’s had over the years. If you tell your dad and he abuses her or makes it difficult for her to leave, or worse, he MAKES her leave with nothing when she really wanted to stay, you will have taken part in destroying their relationship, and worse, your mom will feel betrayed!

Your relationship may never recover! Close your eyes and pretend you heard nothing. See how things play out and help it as needed. You will only regret getting involved and choosing sides. Airports ALWAYS have cabs. The friends will be fine.

feesha −  Is your dad coming back a few hours before his friend lands? Then he would be able to pick them up. Other than that, your dad sounds like a tool, and if he was my husband I would probably do the same as your mom.

ofmiceandmodems −  Ha! Stay the hell out of it. You don’t know HALF of what your mom had to go through with this ass. Let her have her justice. She deserves that much. It may seem cruel to you, but you’re not her. You have no idea what she’s been through or how she truly feels. If he’s been such an a**hole to her then this has been a long time coming.

[Reddit User] −  let it play out… he made his bed.

This situation reflects the tension and complexity of family dynamics, especially when emotions are high. How would you approach the difficult choice of standing up to your mother’s plan while considering the potential consequences? Share your thoughts below.

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/VSySE