My (26F) friend’s (26F) boyfriend (28M) gave me an inappropriately expensive gift for my birthday. How do I react?

A Reddit user shares a dilemma after receiving an unusually expensive gift (worth 750 Euros) from a friend’s boyfriend at her birthday party. While the gesture initially seemed thoughtful, discovering the item’s cost raised concerns.

Especially given the boyfriend’s financial struggles and reliance on the friend for shared expenses. Now, she’s unsure how to address the situation without creating tension. Read the original story below for the full details.

‘ My (26F) friend’s (26F) boyfriend (28M) gave me an inappropriately expensive gift for my birthday. How do I react?’

Last week, I celebrated my birthday with my friend group. We’re all fairly close, and whilst we’ve never discussed presents/gifts explicitly, we all kind of naturally fell into an unspoken pattern around what kind of birthday gifts we give to each other: we do gifts, but they’re usually in the 10-40 Euro range.

Think things like a book, a voucher for theater tickets, maybe a nice bottle of wine. That kind of stuff. We’re all young professionals or grad students, and that just fits our general income level. A good friend of mine brought her boyfriend to the party, and he gave me a gift of his own, separate from my friend’s.

Without going into too much detail, it was a small object that had a very thoughtful connection to a trip I took in winter. I was genuinely very thankful for the gift and thought it was lovely.

However, when I unpacked the item at home, something about it just caught my eye. Certain parts of the item that I would have expected to be made of glass didn’t….look like glass. I ended up googling the maker’s mark on the bottom and found the exact same item online, for the price of….**750 Euros!**

Now. It’d be one thing if this guy was a trust fund kid for whom that kind of money was just peanuts. I’d still feel uncomfortable, but at least there’d be some logic to this then. But my friend’s relationship with this guy already has massive problems,

largely centred around him being underemployed and making her pick up the tab for their shared lifestyle to an undue degree. We honestly all expect the relationship to fizzle out soon, because they obviously aren’t compatible in some key aspects.

So now I’ve got this **750-Euro-item** on my shelf, and I’ve *no* clue how to handle this. It feels extremely inappropriate to have this thing. I’d feel uncomfortable accepting this sort of gift from almost anyone I know, but the fact that it’s a) a friend’s romantic partner (I’m gay and her boyfriend knows, but still)

and b) said friend has issues with her partner’s handling of his finances just makes it even *worse*. It’s also a highly specific item that I don’t think he’d be likely to just *have*, so I’m pretty certain he must have bought this for the occasion and must be aware of its value.

What do I do? My friend seems to be totally unaware of the value of the item. Do I tell her? Do I contact the boyfriend and ask him what the f**k he was thinking? How would you handle this?

See what others had to share with OP:

RantyMcThrowaway −  I’d bring it up with your friend. There is a CHANCE that he got a really, really good deal, or even a decent knock off at a lower price. But honestly, if he’s bad with money,

even something half that price would be pretty inappropriate. Talk to your friend and offer to return the gift if it turns out to have cost as much as you suspect it did.

Let them know you are incredibly grateful for his thoughtfulness, but it wouldn’t feel right accepting such a lavish gift and that their company and friendship is all that you ask for. Just be honest about how you feel and let your friend decide how she wants to proceed.

kei-bei −  Another take – could it have been an inheritance/hand me down he had that he didn’t have an interest in keeping and your friend knew you’d genuinely be interested in? I’ve had friends regift me things from their relatives simply because “I’d love it harder” which I think is the sweetest thing (and always true 😅)

unispecte −  Could you maybe start by sussing out where the boyfriend may have gotten the item, just in case he did actually get it for cheap somehow? If I were in your position I would play dumb at first and just say something like “Oh my friend saw (item) you gave me and wants to buy one for himself,

do you mind telling me where you got it from so I can let him know?” and maybe he’ll tell you if he got it secondhand or in another cheap way. Or if he’s being dodgy about it you could then proceed with “I was looking into it for (made-up friend) and saw the item actually costs $750. I don’t really feel comfortable accepting a gift that expensive.”

I think you’re right to feel uncomfortable if it really did cost that much, but personally I would just want to confirm that he actually paid that price for it before saying anything.

MelJay0204 −  Idk it sounds like maybe he came to have it through less than scrupulous means?

Amar_Akbar_Anthony20 −  Return the gift and stay far away from the guy. I would tell your friend too. friend has issues with her partner’s handling of his finances just makes it even worse. This is exactly why you need to tell her.

GeorginaW03 −  I think you’re overthinking it, probably got it from a charity shop or a thrift stall

AnimatorDifficult429 −  Don’t communicate with the bf, yes tell your friend 

BreakMaleficent2508 −  I don’t think the potential issue is the price but rather he had a separate gift for you, which seems a little odd. Was it from both of them? May be dating myself but there’s a Friends episode where Chandler gets a very thoughtful and expensive gift for Joey’s girlfriend…because he’s in love with her.

I don’t actually think it’s worth getting involved from the perspective of “he’s bad with spending I should tell my friend” — let them deal with that aspect. I would just keep an eye for other signs he is interested in you.

adalia36 −  That’s approximately 850 US $. If your gift is the real deal that gift is very inappropriate from someone you barely know. What did your friend think about his over the top generosity?

[Reddit User] −  If you said thank you for the present when it was presented to you, then its a done deal. Calling someone out for giving you a nice present will only cause drama and it will seem as though you don’t want the gift.

It sounds like a nice gift that you liked.. DO NOTHING. If drama is brought to you, politely say that they can have their gift back. You understand.

How would you navigate this awkward situation? Should the user confront the boyfriend, discuss it with her friend, or handle it discreetly? Is there a risk of jeopardizing friendships by addressing this issue? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/MuvuY