My (26/F) boyfriend (28/M) has become suspiciously close to a model (26/F) he photographs, and has a practically n**ed photo of her as the wallpaper on his phone.

A 26-year-old woman is concerned about her boyfriend’s growing closeness to a model named Rachel, whom he frequently works with as a fashion photographer. The boyfriend has been staying late at studio shoots, texting Rachel constantly, and has a photo of her (in a state of undress) as his phone wallpaper. While the boyfriend insists there’s nothing inappropriate about their relationship, the girlfriend feels uncomfortable, especially as Rachel has started distancing herself from her. The girlfriend is struggling with feelings of insecurity and jealousy, despite trying not to act on them.

‘ My (26/F) boyfriend (28/M) has become suspiciously close to a model (26/F) he photographs, and has a practically n**ed photo of her as the wallpaper on his phone.’

He’s a fashion photographer. Meaning he works alongside many beautiful women in his profession. Stylists, hair and makeup artists, and of course, models.. This is actually how we met.

I modeled my way through college and he photographed me, after which we became friends and eventually started dating. We have been together now for almost three years. I’ve since stopped modeling, but he is still a photographer. Never once in our relationship has he given me any reason to question his fidelity. With the exception of me, he has never dated or even befriended any of the models he has photographed. That was, until, Rachel came into the picture.

I’ve met Rachel. She seems like a fun chick, the type of girl who draws a lot of positive attention just by entering a room. She’s beautiful but her personality really shines through. She makes you feel like you’re her best friend when you’re talking to her. A very *cool* person through and through.

That said, I’m not the only one who feels this way. My boyfriend also adores Rachel. The first time he photographed her, he stayed late at the studio and discussed ideas for their next shoot for nearly three hours. He was actually late for a night out with me because of it, but he’s always had terrible time management so I didn’t think anything of it. The lateness has now become a steady, recurring factor in their shoots together. They hang out long after the stylists and makeup artists leave the studio.

They also text a lot, and he’s always smiling to himself and laughing when he reads the messages she sends him. At first he would show them to me and try to include me in on all the fun (without me asking) but he abruptly stopped doing that around two weeks ago. He tilts his phone away from me now when Rachel messages him.

I’m not the jealous type but if my bf had a history of doing this with the other models, I’d let it slide. The fact that he is *only* like this with Rachel (and me, I suppose) makes me wary of what might have transpired between them. Rachel herself has stopped talking to me. We used to communicate and have an easy, casual friendship via IG and Snap chat, but she pretty much ignores me now. Guilty conscience? I don’t know.

The real kicker is, my boyfriend now has a photo of Rachel as the wallpaper on his phone. He’s apparently proud of the concept and the editing, and claims it has nothing to do with Rachel herself, which is totally believable, but … doesn’t sit right with me. I told him that and he told me I was being irrational. Rachel is single by the way. She and her bf broke up around three weeks ago, so you be the judge.

I really don’t want to fall into the jealous gf trope but what else am I to think? I don’t want to make crazy demands and accuse my bf of cheating on me, even emotionally but he really does seem to be fond of this girl in a way that really hurts me. He has other female friends and he doesn’t act that way with them. He’s capable of being friendly with a girl without flirting or acting suspicious, but with Rachel it’s different.

He has slowly become very attached to her and I feel like I’m losing him. I have expressed this to him a couple of times but he always tells me I have nothing to worry about and that he and Rachel are just “kindred” when it comes to photography. The long nights, constant texting, and phone wallpaper mean nothing. Oh btw, she’s practically n**ed in the photo and it wasn’t taken for any sort of publication; just for fun.

Am I being irrational? Unreasonable? How would you feel in this situation? What would you do? TL;DR – photographer bf has been growing very close to one of his models and acting dismissive of my concerns regarding their work relationship. He has a practically n**ed photo of her as his phone wallpaper. Wtf am I supposed to think?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  Yeah, I’ve watched exactly this play out with a friend who is married to a fashion photographer. Sorry, who was married to a fashion photographer, before he “upgraded” her to his “Rachel”.

liverpoolfc4evr −  So she broke up with her bf 3 weeks ago and yours started hiding messages she was sending him 2 weeks ago? Not to jump to conclusions but that’s an interesting timeline. Also, having a semi n**e pic of someone you’re hanging out with as your background when you’re with someone else is totally inappropriate no matter how good the editing is. How would he react if you had a similar picture of one of your male friends as yours?

high_snobiety −  It sounds like you’re so worried about being considered a jealous person that you’re not taking any action to something that is incredibly inappropriate. This isn’t just something that’s in your head… Your boyfriend is basically acting like he’s single and your one of his friends whose sat at his whilst it happens.

I couldn’t give two fucks about if he likes the concept of his photography, that doesn’t justify having a girl as his wallpaper when he’s actively texting her and acting like a schoolgirl when she texts him. If this was me I’d be asking for a discussion about what he feels is appropriate and how he’d feel in your shoes. Stop worrying about coming across as ‘crazy’. You’re well within your right to be questioning nearly all of this…

[Reddit User] −  If my girlfriend had a practically n**ed photo of some other dude she hangs with as wallpaper, I’d be in rage. IMO, he’s acting at least disrespectful towards you.

ShelfLifeInc −  The long nights, constant texting, and phone wallpaper. Point out that these things bother you, and *don’t* let him tell you, “you got nothing to worry about, babe” or “you’re being irrational”. These things are bothering you, regardless of whether he’s sticking his d**k in her or not, and he should respect you enough to not just dismiss your feelings. If you say, “You’re upsetting me with your behaviour,” he doesn’t get to say, “No I’m not.” But if he continues to walk over your boundaries, you need to have enough self-respect to walk away.

Waitingforadragon −  I think what is telling here is the fact that his behaviour has changed. He’s gone from being open with his messages from her, to hiding them. Why the change? I understand that some people like to keep their friends’ messages private, but to go from being open to suddenly hiding them is odd. I think the change in Rachel’s behaviour towards you is highly suspicious too.

I’m not really sure where you go from here if he keeps dismissing your feelings when you bring it up. I think maybe I’d ask him outright if something was going on and tell him that I don’t want to be cheated on or lied to and that if he was falling for someone else I’d rather that he just left me. Obviously you have to find your own approach.

gr4pefruits −  I’m a photographer. While the phone wallpaper thing isn’t unusual in this profession, if it makes you uncomfortable, your boyfriend should respect your wishes and remove the photograph instead of calling you irrational. F**k the concept and editing, and f**k his “kindred” relationship with Rachel. I’ve never met a decent Rachel in my life btw. Good choice on the name.

acciointernet −  So…she and her bf broke up 3 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago your bf started hiding her texts from you. He gaslights you and tells you that you’re being “irrational” for being worried about this. He started dating you after you modeled for him. Honestly, I don’t blame you for being suspicious and you’re not being unreasonable at all. In fact, I think the most worrying thing is that he jumps to gaslight you and make you feel insane instead of saying “I’m sorry, I see how it can be misinterpreted, but I promise this is platonic. What (reasonable) things can I do to assuage your fears?”

To me, his response shows a distinct lack of respect for your feelings. Even if he wasn’t actually cheating, it’s awful of him to tell you that you’re being irrational and refuse to even hear you out and try to reassure you.

In the end though, the question is: is this someone you want to be with? Would you be okay with this being the way he behaves when you have concerns about his behavior with another woman? What does that say to you about him? Putting aside the issue of whether or not he cheated (I’m guessing he’s absolutely emotionally cheated on you, if not physically), can you live with the fact that your boyfriend reacts to your worries in this manner?

Katerena −  Let’s just ignore everything to do with her and him for a second and just focus on him and you. He dismisses your feelings and calls you irrational. That’s the biggest red flag in your entire post. What would you do for him, if he came to you with this same problem? Would you prioritize his feelings? Make sure he felt that he was your number 1? You might even drop your relationship with the other person just to show that the one you love is your BF. If he can’t even do the bare minimum, which is acknowledging your feelings, then don’t you think your relationship may be very one sided?

He may be emotionally or physically cheating, from everything you’ve said it sounds very likely. But even if he isn’t, I just don’t think he’s a very good partner and I think you should re-evaluate your relationship with him.

ConcertinaTerpsichor −  Time for an exit strategy for you.

How would you approach a situation where you feel your partner is becoming too close to someone else? Communication is key, but it’s also important to listen to your own feelings and express them without feeling guilty. What would you do if you felt your partner was crossing a boundary with someone else, but they didn’t see it that way? Share your thoughts and any advice on how to navigate trust and relationships in situations like these.