My [25m] girlfriend [23f] went to the protests and now wants to see my diabetic [55m] [52f] parents, I said no and she and now her family thinks I am punishing her and trying to control her beliefs.

A man is facing tension with his girlfriend and her family after canceling a pizza night due to her attending protests during the COVID-19 pandemic. He is concerned about exposing his diabetic parents to any potential risk, given the pandemic’s impact. His girlfriend and her family, however, believe he is trying to control her beliefs and feel hurt by his decision. He’s now uncertain how to handle the situation and seeks advice on how to approach his girlfriend and her family. Read the full story below.

‘ My [25m] girlfriend [23f] went to the protests and now wants to see my diabetic [55m] [52f] parents, I said no and she and now her family thinks I am punishing her and trying to control her beliefs.’

My girlfriend and I have been dating since June of 2018. We are pretty close and her family is on good terms with mine. We do have our fights like every other couple, I find my girlfriend to be pretty ‘reactive’ and it has been a problem before in our relationship but we can generally sort things out.

Also, I want to add too, that I don’t live with my parents I normally have my own space but I moved in because of the lockdown and I didn’t want my parents out shopping. My parents are in decent shape, but we have a family history of diabetes my dad has Diabetes (Type 1) and my mom is prediabetic.

My girlfriend has been understanding in fact she took this lockdown super seriously and was frustrated that people weren’t taking it seriously enough. She started to go to the protests in our city, she asked me to go, I told her no that it would be irresponsible since I am with my parents. She was upset but understood.

We were going to have a pizza night at my house, and my mom invited my girlfriend’s family not knowing that my girlfriend was out at the protests. Once I heard, I told my mom’s and told my girlfriend, that until she self quarantines for two weeks I don’t feel comfortable with her and her family at my house.

My girlfriend was livid, and not only that her parents who are also hot heads just start getting angry. They start talking about how proud they are of their daughter for standing up to injustice, now I am punishing them by kicking them out of their house. That my mom didn’t care, that only I did, that I am driving a wedge between them. That I am trying to control their daughter’s beliefs. And her mom really just started yelling at me. Is this the type of son in law I am going to be?

This thing has been ridiculous, my mom didn’t know when she invited them. I didn’t say they couldn’t ever come, but please wait you might be infected. My girlfriend’s family is acting as if because she wore a mask she is 100% immune. I don’t know normally when I have disagreements with my girlfriend, it is just me and her.

But here it seems that both she and her mom mainly (dad is somewhat cool) are just hyping each other up. I think her dad is the most understanding but he is the quietest one in the family.

I don’t know what to do here? I know for a fact I am not going to risk my parent’s wellbeing to appease my girlfriend and her family. But what can I do to get my girlfriend’s parents to understand? Like they should know better? Her mom is a Physician’s Assistant so how is she just turning a blind eye to this? Do I just try to let things cool off?

**Tl;Dr- my mom invited my girlfriend to our house for pizza night not knowing that my girlfriend has been out at the protests. After I found out, I immediately canceled it. My girlfriend and her family have taken this as a huge personal offense.**

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

DrHugh −  This is just like the early days of the pandemic in the US: You’ll only know if you overreacted *afterwards*. If you underreact, by the time you find out it will be too late. If quarantines are fine for other people, but not for her, you likely can’t get her to change her mind. You know what’s important to you, and you are protecting it.

the_last_basselope −  To be honest, the fact that your girlfriend is acting like she cares so little about your parents’ health that she **would** come over and potentially expose them would be enough to have me rethinking whether she really does care about them as much as she claims

because the kind of person who would put their own wants ahead of the well-being of your parents probably isn’t someone you want to keep around. Ask her if she is legitimately asking you to put your parents’ health at risk for her to come eat pizza; if she is then rethink everything.

[Reddit User] −  You’re 100% right, do not doubt yourself. Somehow people have decided the global pandemic just isn’t a thing anymore. Despite COVID hospitalizations being on the rise in multiple states. Predictably the ones that opened early. You are right to be wary.

Your girlfriend doesn’t get to decide what is an acceptable risk to your parents. Also masks don’t prevent the wearer from contracting COVID. Theyre to protect everyone else if that person has COVID as it stops the spray of droplets. She is just wrong here.

cautionjaniebites −  You’re getting glimpse into what your future will be like with her and her parents. Are these kinds of fights what you want for yourself?

chaossalad −  You are completely in the right. My boyfriend and I both had covid in Mid March, and as a healthy 23 year old woman it promptly kicked my f**king ass. Down for 2 weeks, literally feeling at some point I would die. It was scary. I cannot imagine my parents getting it.

I am just now starting to see my family. My boyfriend’s family is more cautious. They invited us to dinner, and we entered through the back gate. Their dining room has french doors out to the patio, so we sat outside, they sat inside at the dinner table, and we talked through the screen door while we all ate.

It was a little strange and we had to talk really loud because of the space between, but it was still really nice. Something like this may be a good alternative if you have the setup for something like that!

czhunc −  You can’t control how someone chooses to react to something like this. You’ve made your point. This is about your parents’ safety. A reasonable person would understand this. If they choose not to be reasonable, it’s up to them how far they want to take this.

alittlebitcheeky −  I went to the BLM protest in my city. I wore a mask. I sanitised and washed my hands. I didn’t touch my face. I still contracted tonsilitis somewhere along the line. You don’t know the effects of your actions until later. Right now, it’s selfish of your girlfriend to want to see you parents.

It’s selfish of her to go out in public. Yes, black lives absolutely matter, and yes, protesting is so important. But so is taking care of eachother. Social distancing is important and so is avoiding people who are at risk in regards to COVID. 14 days isn’t too much to ask. If she wants to hang with them so badly then she can videocall.

xanif −  My girlfriend’s family is acting as if because she wore a mask she is 100% immune. Just because you wear a mask doesn’t mean you’re protected. There are sources saying that wearing a mask is to prevent the risk of transmission from you to other people, not to prevent you from catching it.

https://www.sciencealert.com/this-is-why-advice-on-whether-you-should-wear-a-mask-is-just-so-confusing

By contrast, the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in the United States has recently recommended everyone wear a (cloth) mask. However, this is to prevent infected people passing on the infection, not to prevent the wearer getting infected.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ded_AxFfJoQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BX9Y_XTs2EA

Now these are videos from months ago, and now wearing masks is recommended universally. Why? Because we didn’t originally understand the virus. It was not well known that

1) Approximately 25% of people who get COVID will never display symptoms

2) The virus has a 5-14 day period where a person can be contagious but symptoms have not yet been presented. Just because you wear a mask does not mean you are safe.

[Reddit User] −  It’s an issue of consent. She consented to putting herself into a situation. She must respect that your parents do not consent to being put in a situation where they could be infected. However if she’s living with you, you should not go see your parents either.

hastdubutthurt −  You’re protecting your family from the very real potential consequences of her actions. “I got covid from doing an honorable thing” is no less of a threat to your parents than “I got covid from going to a house party on spring break”. Their unhinged reaction to your completely sensible caution would make me completely rethink the entire relationship and if that’s a family you want to be part of long term.

Balancing personal health concerns with a partner’s beliefs can be difficult, especially during a global crisis. How would you handle a situation where your partner’s actions clash with your values? Share your thoughts below!