My [25F] husband [35M] has been lying about working late for over a month now, leaving me alone to take care of our son. I’m furious and don’t know what to do.

A Redditor (25F) discovered her husband (35M) has been lying about working late for over a month, instead spending time at a friend’s house while leaving her to care for their 3-year-old son and 4-year-old niece. Feeling betrayed and overwhelmed, she confronts his dishonesty and refusal to help, only to be told he “needs his alone time.” Read the full story below for more:

‘ My [25F] husband [35M] has been lying about working late for over a month now, leaving me alone to take care of our son. I’m furious and don’t know what to do.’

My husband and I have a 3 year old son together. In addition to our son, I also take care of our 4 year old niece -my husband’s sister’s daughter- on Fridays because she is a single mother and works full time. My husband volunteered me, but I was happy to do it because I work from home and she’s a sweet girl. Plus it saves my sister-in-law money on daycare, so that’s good, too.

I originally agreed to do this because my husband works half-days on Friday, meaning he was home for the afternoon to help me out. Having two kids under 5 in the house is a handful, but I was able to handle the morning. Well, a month ago my husband told me his boss was upping his hours to work on a special project for the forseeable future.

He would have to work an hour later on the weekdays and go back to full-days on Friday. This was a disappointment, but I didn’t want to go put my sister-in-law in the tough position of trying to find and pay for a sitter on Fridays. So I figured I could handle the two kids, even if it would be tough. And I have.

It’s been difficult, I have to work later in the evenings because I don’t get as much done in the day, but I’ve been managing it. Last Friday, I was at the grocery store with the kids. I saw my boss’s wife and chatted to her for a bit. I made some comment about how much of a bummer it was how everyone was working more hours, and she looked confused.

She said if that was happening her husband wasn’t being a very good boss, because he was home every day like normal and working half Fridays. I ended the conversation and went home. That night I asked my husband why if he was working more, his boss wasn’t. He looked nervous and said that it was only for lower-level employees.

I said that was b**lshit and that he needed to tell me the truth. Turns out, he hasn’t been working more. He’s been going to hang out at a friend’s house every day and on Friday afternoons he just does whatever the hell he wants. He said he needed a break from how busy we are with our son and on Fridays with our niece.

I’m furious. First off, he lied to me. Secondly, he has left me alone to take care of *our* kid and *his* sister’s kid, who he volunteered me to take care of! And I have absolutely no idea what to do. I told him he needs to be home at the correct time from now on, and he responded that he still “needs his alone time”, and that the kids are “too much.”

F**king yeah, it’s a lot of work, but I have to deal with it all on my own? I mean, am I being unreasonable here? I get that it’s a lot, but I don’t feel like that gives him the right to unilaterally decide he can have some time off. What do I do?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

wemblewobble −  You both need alone time. So from now on, he is 100% completely responsible for the kid and chores on Saturday. You get to leave the house and do whatever you want. He is also responsible for telling his sister she needs to find daycare because he refuses to babysit because he wants to go play with his friend instead.

HeiligeTod −  I regained my trust in him and he stopped talking to the coworker outside of work. He doesn’t spend time with her alone anymore and he hasn’t had any sort of relationship like that with any other women since. Wait wait wait.

I don’t know if most people read this… but are you saying that you went already to counseling because he was having some kind of not-so-innocent relationship with a female coworker? And now you caught him lying about working hours? I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but that’s concerning.

tortiecat_tx −  This is imo a huge betrayal. Your husband is being very, very selfish, and so horrible. I don’t even have words to describe what he’s done! I think the first thing you need to do is think about yourself and your needs. Watching your niece alone is obviously not working for you, because you’re having to stretch *your* work hours

So let her know that because your husband is not helping you anymore, you can’t watch her. In terms of your marriage: I don’t know if I, personally, could come back from something like this. If your husband had any remorse or had stopped lying to you on his own or SOMETHING, I might be able to forgive and move on.

But he *still thinks he did no wrong*. He thinks he’s *entitled to disrupt your job and your life and abandon his son and wife for his own childish desires.* As long as he feels that way, he is not a good husband or father.

If you do stay together, I think it is important to carve out some alone time for each of you and for *both* of you. but that’s in the case you can get past this enormous betrayal and his refusal to give *you* any “self time”, which I don’t think will change.

teardrop87 −  Time to call SIL and tell her you’re no longer able to watch her kid on Fridays since husband decided it was more important to spend them hanging out with friends than helping you watch the kids.

Then, tell husband that if he wants to take Friday off, you’re taking off Saturday. He’s responsible for all 3 meals and the house work. You’ll be spending the mornings with the girls, and afternoons running errands. You’ll be home when you feel like it.

ms-pym −  That is infuriating. Do *you* get any alone time and could this be a bargaining chip? Both of you need some time to yourselves AND some time together without children. Could approaching it from this angle get you both wat you need?

gorillaice −  It sounds like he’s having an affair.

[Reddit User] −  This might need marital counseling before it blows bigger.

[Reddit User] −  When’s his next day off? Get up an hour early, let him know you have a full day planned, and that he’ll be looking after his kid because you need your alone time. Then go enjoy your day free of guilt.

hungrydruid −  Did you get together when you were 20 and he was 30? You said you’ve been married for 4 years, so presumably you dated for a bit. He was immature then and he’s immature now.

beaglemama −  he responded that he still “needs his alone time”, and that the kids are “too much.” F**king yeah, it’s a lot of work, but I have to deal with it all on my own? Ask him straight up if he wants a divorce because that’s where this is heading. 🙁 He’s a selfish a**hole.

Balancing parenthood and partnership requires honesty and shared responsibility. Should she demand accountability, seek counseling, or take another path? Share your advice below!