My [25f] boyfriend [24m] got a fake number pretending to be my ex [25m] just so he could talk to his ex girlfriend [20f]
A Reddit user (25F) discovered that her boyfriend (24M), Max, had been pretending to be her ex (25M) using a fake number to talk to his ex-girlfriend (20F), Brooke. After confronting him, Max admitted to using this tactic as an excuse to reconnect with Brooke, whose messages with him had previously been inappropriate. The user is now feeling betrayed and angry about the situation. Read the original story below:
‘ My [25f] boyfriend [24m] got a fake number pretending to be my ex [25m] just so he could talk to his ex girlfriend [20f]’
My Boyfriend – Max. My Ex boyfriend – James. Max’s Ex girlfriend – Brooke. 2 weeks ago I received a text from an unknown number, claiming they were my ex boyfriend James. I believed it was James as he did write a status on Facebook saying he had a new number. It was just casual talk “how are things?” “How’s your new boyfriend?” I replied platonically and friendly as we did end on good terms.
My current boyfriend Max said if I am talking to my ex then he should be allowed to speak to his ex Brooke. I said that’s fine, you can speak to who you want although you know I won’t like that. I wasn’t happy because the only reason I ever stopped him talking to Brooke is because their messages were always flirty and she still sent him nudes.
So I asked him to block her, and he did. But He said he would talk to her anyway because I am speaking to James.. That was that. A few days later, Max went to make dinner, and I was up in the bedroom. I was looking for some socks from Max’s drawer, and I found a cheap mobile phone that I never saw before. I looked on it and it was the texts I sent to James. I was livid. He was pretending to be my ex boyfriend?
I confronted max straight away, and he admitted that he wanted to get back in touch with Brooke, and he thought if I spoke to my ex James, he could use that as an excuse to be able to talk to Brooke. I am pissed off. I am really angry that he had to do this behind my back. I asked to see his messages between Brooke and they are all flirty and just borderline inappropriate.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
hawthornetree − You have separate problems here: * A partner who is willing to tell really huge lies (impersonating someone else is a huge lie) and who tests you covertly. * A partner who bean-counts (“what I’m allowed and what you’re allowed must be exactly equal regardless of context”) * A partner who has flirty conversations with others.
Deliberate, premeditated, planned lies, is beyond the pail. Bean counting isn’t going to age well. The tendency is there in most people, but this one is pretty extreme. You don’t want someone who demands absolute fairness (and uses any concession as leverage later) if you are making big decisions together, because those big decisions (eg. whose job gets priority when you move) can’t be made absolutely fair.
The wanting attention from others is kind of gross, but you could choose to overlook it or live with it, or given him an outlet for it (some version of opening the relationship). Up to you what you think. However, the bean counting doesn’t bode well for a negotiated solution.
firefly232 − he admitted that he wanted to get back in touch with Brooke… Wow, I don’t think there’s any coming back from that, personally…
60sgal − Hell no. This is some next level s**t. So he wants to stay in contact with an ex who sends nudes (1) then he decides to buy a burner phone, impersonate your ex (2) then use that as leverage to speak to ex, and is totally comfortable lying to your face (3). You don’t deserve this. This is a terrible thing to do to someone and I don’t think a relationship could ever recover.
Doughchild − This is the type of crazy s**t that would make it relationship ending. At the surface, it doesn’t ‘look that bad’. But this guy spun an elaborate story, using your past to manipulate you to get in contact with someone who’s his ex for a reason. Do you really want to be with someone who treats you this way? Uses whatever you share to get his way?
And this was ‘innocent’ info, no deep dark traumatic stuff. He had to order a phone, he had to figure out how to set it up, he planned specifics about what to say to you and he was prepared to use the texts against you. That’s a bit more steps than just a small mistake. Apparently he wants his ex back. Go let him have her. You find someone better. No sunk costs fallacy.
MrsValentine − Wtf? That’s so crazy. He’s obviously super invested in getting those nudes from his ex.
[Reddit User] − How is this even a question? Forget why he did it, which is psychotic. Forget that he obviously still has some sort of feelings for Brooke, and that he doesn’t respect your relationship. Forget everything except the fact that he went out of his way so much to manipulate you. Name one reason you’d even want to stay with him. I’ll wait.
SailorCheese − Wow, your boyfriend wanted to resume (presumably inappropriate) contact with this other woman so badly that he lied and manipulated this whole situation. It’s bad enough on its own, but the fact that he put so much thought and effort into this stunt especially tells you what kind of person he is. Personally, I would get out and be glad I dodged that bullet.
crystal_3001 − Time for someone to move out. Maybe Brooke will take his crazy, manipulative ass back.
littlestray − Your boyfriend: * Keeps tally while rigging the game, demanding fairness in a field that sabotages you, * Has emotionally cheated and seen his ex n**ed in the past, * Impersonated your ex in order to circumnavigate your attempts to forgive his cheater behavior and move on in order to continue emotionally cheating/attempting to cheat,
* Believes that just by merit of past intimacy his ex and your ex are the same. He’s incapable of seeing that you and your ex ended on good terms and are capable of a platonic relationship probably because that’s how he is, incapable of a platonic relationship. He keeps an ex who doesn’t respect your relationship around because he doesn’t respect your relationship.
Relationships are built on trust. You’re building a house on a bog, there’s nothing you can do but condemn it and build elsewhere or accept that it will buckle and sink no matter what you put into it.
mangolover − Wooooooow. It’s funny, on the face of it, it’s a simple text that’s actually tamer than a lot of stuff on this subreddit. But then you look deeper and realize that your bf LIED to you specifically in order to MANIPULATE you into letting him CHEAT on you without getting suspicious. This guy is conniving and manipulative. If I were you, I would not be able to come back from this. It’s too gross.
This situation is a clear violation of trust. Should the user give her boyfriend another chance, or is the betrayal too much to move past? What steps should she take to address this broken trust in their relationship? Share your advice and thoughts below.