My [25/F] boyfriend [30/M] has been texting nonstop with his friend’s wife [30s/F] for the past 2 weeks… weird or fine?

A 25-year-old woman is questioning her boyfriend’s behavior after he admitted to texting his friend’s soon-to-be wife every day for the past two weeks. While he initially framed it as friendly and supportive, his defensiveness when discussing it raised red flags.

The woman wonders if this is simply a harmless friendship or if there’s more to his unusual behavior. Their relationship history includes previous issues with excessive texting with other women, adding to her unease. For more context and to see how others have responded to similar situations, read the full story below…

‘ My [25/F] boyfriend [30/M] has been texting nonstop with his friend’s wife [30s/F] for the past 2 weeks… weird or fine?’

My boyfriend has this group of friends who he has been friends with since middle school. I’ve been dating my boyfriend 7 months. His friend is engaged to this girl and getting married this weekend. My boyfriend apparently said to his friend something like “Hey, I want to congratulate your wife-to-be and welcome her to the friend group, since you are like my brother, now she’s like my sister.”

When he initially told me this, I didn’t see it as a red flag. But last night, he comes out like this- “Babe, I need to tell you something. I’ve been texting with her every day” then proceeds to tell me she’s basically been gossiping and talking about random stuff to him. The way he said it sounded borderline confession-y imo. He started getting defensive and acting weird.

I didn’t say anything to trigger that really, I just said “you know it’s interesting that you guys talk to eachother’s wives/girlfriends”(in a nice tone.)He goes “what do you mean by INTERESTING?!?!!” And proceeded to grill me and accuse me of being insecure over it. I said “let me make myself clear, I’m fine with you talking to her, text her as much as you want babe.”

But his whole vibe continued to be off. I wasn’t suspicious but now I’m starting to be. This isn’t the first time there’s been an issue with him excessively texting another girl all the time. I want to trust him but his behavior/attitude is making me uneasy. What do you think?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Squig173 −  Imo the texting thing is besides the point and I would be more worried about his reactionm. I think you need to talk to him again but set the tone early on about how you are worried about his reaction during the conversation, not about the knowledge of him talking to her often.

alex4nderthegreat −  That is just plain weird… “Hey babe, I’m texting this girl all the time and we share all sorts of things while texting”. “Okay can I see it?”. “No freaking way!”. “Why?”
“Because we’re texting about stuff that is inappropriate for two people who are already in a relationship”

that is basically what I got out of this post and it sure is ducking weird… I would demand seeing the texts or leaving that dude… And even if the texts turns out to not be inappropriate it’s still weird as duck…

Hoosierdaddy1964 −  Please don’t ignore the giant red flag waving right in front of your face.

bgk67 −  That is shady as F**k. Is his buddy comfortable with this? Does he even know to the extent he is texting her? Probably not. He approached you in a way that is essentially confessing, because even he knows deep down it is shady as F**k. Totally NOT appropriate.

YellowLantana −  He met someone new they clicked, and they are now cultivating a separate, intimate, relationship. You don’t have to contact her fiancé to get some kind of assurance because the situation is not okay with you. Fidelity is not just about love and s**, in includes maintaining boundaries with others and your boyfriend is not doing that.

That’s why he “confessed”; he knows they’ve gone beyond what is right and is trying to justify his behavior as being “open”. Except it’s not. Nothing about their “friendship” is acceptable — he refuses to listen respectfully to your concerns, he doesn’t recognize any boundaries, and she’s not a friend to your relationship.

The next time he texts in your presence, ask to see the phone. If he tries to claim some sort of “privacy”, tell him privacy is not a shield to conduct a secret relationship. Do not argue with him about seeing the messages. If he refuses, just get up and leave. f he allows you to see them, read the out loud. Don’t comment or let him “explain”, just keep reading and let him squirm.

Do not later accept a phone with deleted messages. The bottom line is that he’s now has an unacceptable emotional tie with his friend’s fiancé. He’s already betraying you and him. Unless it’s shut down, it will only get worse.

DFahnz −  Fool me once, shame on you.. Fool me twice…

twinkiebell1 −  Why aren’t any of his friends texting you privately and welcoming you into the group? Maybe because that’s not a thing! Doesn’t sound normal to me.

[Reddit User] −  Everyone is saying to tell the friend and… As much as I would like to, there is no chance in hell. I can think of 99 ways that’ll backfire on me. Worst case scenario, you tell the friend, he discovers the texts aren’t all that innocent, your BF gets pissed and dumps you, and you’re free from a guy who has done shady s**t in the first 7 months of a relationship.
Win all the way around far as I can see.

la_patineuse −  Why would you be fine with having a partner act in an untrustworthy manner? You are insecure because you are dealing with a man who is not a safe partner. You haven’t been together even a year and he has already done this more than once. To make it worse, he’s doing it with someone who is about to be married.

People like your boyfriend who do not understand the concept of boundaries, invite chaos into their lives and those around them. Is that really what you want in yours?