My (25 F) boyfriend (24 M) of 5 years just disclosed to me that he does not believe women should be allowed to vote

A Reddit user recently shared a shocking revelation: her boyfriend of five years disclosed that he believes women should not be allowed to vote, though he assures her that she would still deserve the right. This unexpected confession has left her questioning their relationship and wondering if it’s wrong to reconsider their future together.

‘ My (25 F) boyfriend (24 M) of 5 years just disclosed to me that he does not believe women should be allowed to vote’

I’m so confused, I don’t know what to think. I’m not even sure if this is the proper sub but I just feel that I need some advice.

In the time I have known him, my boyfriend has always fell politically independent, or so I thought. Politics was never an issue between us at all. However he just admitted to me that over the past year he’s grown more and more extreme in his views, to the point that he believes women have ruined the country (we are American) and that they should not be allowed to vote… He says he did not feel comfortable telling me about this sooner because he thought he would lose me.

I’m upset and I can’t tell if I’m wrong to be upset about this because I know that everyone is entitled to have their own views, but now I just feel as though he doesn’t even value my own input/views. He has assured me that he still thinks that I should be allowed to vote but that women in general should not…

This is a person I have been with for almost 5 years. We’ve talked about marriage. I don’t know what to think. In all other aspects he is the perfect, most amazing partner, and I can’t imagine my life without him in it. But this suddenly has me rethinking about a lot.

Am I wrong to be questioning our relationship over his new beliefs? As his girlfriend am I supposed to be tolerant and respectful of his views even though I may (strongly) disagree? I can’t tell if I’m overreacting to this or not. The whole situation has made me feel terrible and I’m so confused.

See what others had to share with OP:

LeatherDaddyLonglegs −  The best advice I ever saw was “Don’t marry a man unless you’d be proud to have a son just like him”. What are you doing, OP?

[Reddit User] −  So I dated someone for 3 years who at the end of our relationship casually mentioned he didn’t think the holocaust happened. I. WAS. SHOCKED. I too had the same feelings you are having and wasn’t sure what to do. In the coming weeks though he became more and more open with his radical viewpoints and it became abundantly clear that we would never work out.

It was so weird though to have someone I knew SO we’ll become a stranger in a matter of weeks. If I could go back in time to when he first told me that I would have left him then and there. It would have been a lot less ugly in the long run that way.

Edit: wow this really blew up. I’m not going to respond to comments below but I’ll address a few things a lot of people are mentioning here. There were other red flags before that I ignored and brushed off as jokes, for example r**ist or mysoginisric or h**ophobic jokes that when confronted he’d be like ‘I was just kidding’. We also had many substantial conversations where I believed that although we had different political views we saw eye to eye on all the big stuff.

For example, the sandy hook shooting happened when we were together and we both agreed stricter gun control was necessary after that. We both had different personal view points on a**rtion but both agreed that it was a women’s right to choose. We both were avid supporters of gay marriage We had a lot of deep conversations however world war 2 never came up. He was a veteran so we extensively discussed Middle East politics and current wars but hadnt ever discussed previous wars.

A lot of you are apparently avid world war 2 historians and bring it up much sooner than we did. I however was completely blown away when he said this on our nightly walk like nothing. i was madly in love with this man and this hit me like a ton of bricks. We fought bad. He called me names for not supporting his beliefs. There was no reasoning with him about this. As for his mental health he was diagnosed with BPD soon after this and was even hospitalized. It was really bad.

Idk if that was related to his remarks or not but I felt I couldn’t leave someone during all of that. So I tried to make it work anyway. He became more and more radical and the relationship ended horribly violently and dramatically. That’s all I’m willing to share on the matter. As for some of you on here spewing anti semantic s**t- get f**ked.

asymphonyin2parts −  I don’t think he gets a vote on whether you stick around.

jrai86 −  I seriously doubt that a man who thinks women shouldn’t be allowed to vote is good in all other ways. He’s clearly a misogynist. Do you really want to raise little girls with a man who thinks like he does? This is a deal breaker. He says not you, just women in general. That’s not true. If he could take away every women’s right to vote including yours, I bet he’d do it in a second. This guy is poison. What would your mother, or sister, or friends say if they knew he believed this? What would you say to them if their partner told them he believed this?

currentlypoopingxo −  He doesn’t feel that you deserve a vote in your country’s elections. Doesn’t seem like much of a leap to assume he doesn’t think you deserve a say in much else. I’d be out of there so fast. If he wants to act like an incel, make him live the life of one.

[Reddit User] −  but now I just feel as though he doesn’t even value my own input/views. Well yeah, of course. He sees you as a lesser being and a non-human. So why would he value your views? Break up immediately. Seeing you as subhuman and wanting to deprive you of basic human rights is a fundamental incompatibility.

AGentlemaninTulsa −  Yes you are wrong to be questioning your relationship. You should be getting the hell out of Dodge. It sounds like he’s gone off the deep end.

pomegranatepants99 −  HOW exactly did we (women) ruin the country? By voting? For what? This is a huge red flag. Basically bf is saying that as a woman you’re not capable of making your own decisions? That your decisions are dangerous? Imagine what a marriage with this person would look like. If you had children – especially FEMALE children – what would he teach them??

izthis4chan −  My ex boyfriend who I dated for 3 years said the same thing to me. He believed women having the right to vote ruined the USA, and that he believed that women shouldn’t have the right to vote (except me).

He ended up getting more misogynistic (or showing it more) as we dated and even publicly shamed me for not being able to wash dishes (I can btw, I’m Chinese and my parents didn’t allow the use of dish washers so he was unnecessarily just being an a**hole) when we were shopping at a supermarket and came upon a pair of gloves. (Other things as well, such as randomly calling me a b**ch and whore after I went out to dinner with my mom because he assumed I was going out to hook up??)

In the end, it means he doesn’t respect your views regardless of what he says, and that may (likely will) lead to him respecting you less and less as a person as well. 5 years is a long time and I understand your hesitation, especially if he’s been pretty much perfect otherwise (and dating nowadays is awful). I would have a conversation with him and see why he thinks that way.

I can’t give you advice on whether you should end your relationship or not; only you know the details of your relationship. However, in my opinion and personal experience, these types of guys tend to become abusive as time goes on because this way of thinking about women really poisons them. They will treat you well until things don’t go their way.

Edit: I should also add he started blaming my gender when we would disagree and say things like, “This is why women shouldn’t vote.” Or if we disagreed and I asked his POV, he would tell me that I wouldn’t understand because I’m a woman.

lifeslemon91 −  You’ve been given enough advice here, but the one thing I didn’t see while reading comments and your replies is this: I know you’re confused and you have every right to be, but I want you to think of it this way. You do not love him, you love who you thought he was. You love who he wanted to show you. He admitted that himself.

He has shattered your illusion and shown his true colours. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it’s painful. However, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.” This will not get better, only worse. If you’re okay with that, stay. If not (and I suspect you’re not), leave him asap, and cut contact. Above all else, remember: you’re stronger than you think. You got this.