My ( 24F) husband (27M) told me he didn’t find me attractive at all after I gained weight. I lost the weight, and now I feel different. Now what?

A young woman (24F) reflects on her marriage after her husband (27M) admitted he didn’t find her attractive when she gained weight, prompting her to lose it. Now, at a lower weight, he’s affectionate and attentive again—but she feels conflicted.

His past rejection has left her questioning the authenticity of his love, which seems tied to her appearance. Struggling with these emotions, she wonders what to do next. Read her story below.

‘ My ( 24F) husband (27M) told me he didn’t find me attractive at all after I gained weight. I lost the weight, and now I feel different. Now what?’

Me and my husband have been together since I was 19. After a few months, I moved in. We’ve since bought a house together and finished college. Oh, and got married. When we first started dating I was 140 pounds ( l am 5’8) and he was 180.

After a few years I was almost 200 pounds- I know a massive increase. But he also weighed 230 so I didn’t think to much in it. After a while, he told me that I was big and no longer pretty and that I needed to lose weight. I was shattered.

I developed an eating disorder and felt like I was abusing my body to get to a certain weight. Well, I finally made it to 130 pounds. Yet, he is still at 230ish. I don’t even care that he weighs 230.

But now he treats me completely different… such as now he is always trying to “love” on me and wants to hang out with me. Which I thought is what I wanted. But now I feel worse because my weight really does determine how much he loves me.

When I was almost 200 pounds, he wouldn’t even kiss or hug me only s**. I want to be loved for me, not just my appearance. I don’t know how to feel.

Check out how the community responded:

takeoffmysundress −  Time to lose another 230lbs 😉

dessertchef11 −  Tell him he’s the fat and unattractive one now.

matchamagpie −  So you were good enough to have s** with at 200 lbs but not to kiss or hug and treat as a human being he is supposedly in love with?
Yeah, no. Leaving would be healthy for your self respect

[Reddit User] −  As a 37m, I can tell you 1 thing for sure. If a man loves you, he wouldn’t treat you like this. Would be totally different if he said “we” should do this or that not “you” should. He has shown you how he sees your value.

This also shows that in the long run, he will leave you. Beauty only lasts so long, then you add in work, stress, kids… Once you hit that point, he will leave for his 24-year-old coworker.

whichwitch9 −  You got a reality check. He cared more about your appearance than you. He doesn’t even care about the double standard that he also gained weight. That he wouldn’t even hug or kiss you and withheld all affection was damaging to you, and it should a clear objectification.

He had no concern about how you felt as a person. You also know if anything happens to cause you to look less than perfect, he’ll do it again A lot of women’s attraction is based on feeling comfortable and safe.

You likely feel neither around him, so it took out the attraction. Emotional security is important for women. You can try couples therapy, but, really, this is probably a relationship ender. Especially if you want children cause gid knows how he’d react in a pregnancy

TwiztidKitten78 −  Sounds like you need to lose 230lbs more

Starmines_ −  I’m sorry hun but he’s toxic AF, and is a s**tty person. He called you fat and unattractive when you gained weight, instead of supporting you and helping you motivate yourself? Because of him you feel unloved and developed an eating disorder? Nah, I wouldn’t tolerate that s**t if I were you.

He’s not the right one. I know it’s hard to hear but he doesn’t love you for you. You should leave him, only if you really want to, but he’s a walking red flag. Just know that you’re beautiful either way, and you deserve better.

Kyki1027 −  Honestly I don’t think it’ll ever be the same as it was before. Since he let the cat out of the bag you can never put it back in. This man gave you an eating disorder! Please you deserve better!

WhatIsThisAccountFor −  You and your “husband” were 20 and 22 two days ago. He was also your boyfriend two days ago.. Idk why you’re lying lol

Calamity_Howell −  He doesn’t love you for you. He would rather you destroy yourself, your body, your emotional health to be “thin and pretty” for him. If you were still with him in 10 or 30 years and you became sick or disabled and struggled to diet and exercise because of your needs,

do you want to be with someone who will withhold affection because you aren’t being pretty enough for him? He is showing you now that you will never be able to need him, this relationship only serves him.