My (24F) FIL (50sM) took a swing at me while I was in labor.

A woman (24F) endured an incredibly stressful encounter with her father-in-law (50sM) while in labor with her first child. The FIL, who has a history of abusive behavior, barged into the hospital room uninvited despite prior instructions barring visitors. After verbally harassing her throughout her pregnancy, he escalated during the labor, attempting to hit her before being restrained by her husband and hospital security.

The altercation caused significant emotional distress, contributing to complications during the delivery. Now, she struggles with deciding whether to go no-contact with her FIL, which would affect her relationship with her supportive MIL and her child’s relationship with her grandparents.

‘ My (24F) FIL (50sM) took a swing at me while I was in labor.’

I’ve been married to my husband (27M) for two years. His dad (50sM) has always been an issue for me. At first I thought it was because I’ve been no contact with my own father, an abuser about whom I could write pages about the s**t he put me and my family through, but I slowly realized that he’s an a**hole in his own right. R**ist, ignorant, and a convicted wife-beater to boot. Recovering a**oholic, etc.

I get along *very* well with my MIL(50sF), though, and consider her a dear friend. We had our first child this last month. My daughter is perfect. From the moment I found out about her, she became my heart. My husband and I were absolutely and completely besotted, even before she was born. No one except our moms knew for the first three months (I have a history of pregnancy loss)

and he took this personally, citing my “issues with men” to my DH. Even to the point of my FIL telling my husband that the “real reason” we didn’t want to find out about the s** of the baby because if it was a boy I’d probably abort (side note- I’m extremely close to my stepdad, brother and many other male relatives and have no issue with men, just abusers regardless of s**).

The pregnancy was hard on me. I didn’t gain enough weight, was on and off bed rest due to cramping and bleeding. Ended up going to 43 weeks, which was a miracle in and of itself, and was cleared for a natural birth. Of course, FIL bitched about it, said that if a c-section was good enough for MIL

(who has major medical issues leading to my DH being her only child and a planned c-section leading to a hysterectomy) it should be good enough for me, that this baby would die (which hurt like hell because of my previous losses, about which he knew), that the longer I stayed pregnant the fatter I’d get (note- I was underweight my whole pregnancy) and the less attracted to me my husband would be, and a million other nasties.

I finally went into labor three weeks ago. Unmedicated, in a hospital but with a midwife. Was long and horrible and one of the best choices I’ve ever made. About 13 hours in, FIL and MIL decide to burst in. NOPE. I’ve told the hospital not to let anyone in (I don’t want my own father and stepmother even knowing about my daughter let alone coming to the birth).

I flip a s**t. Maybe it was being 13 hours into labor with an 11lb baby. Maybe it was just the piles of horrible abusive s**t he’s been shoveling onto me and my husband and my MIL for as long as any of us have known him. But I completely lose it. Tell him to get his abusive ass out, tell him that nothing is coming out of my ladybits with him in there so if he wants to meet his grandbaby, he needs to scram.

Basically the sort of yelling you’d expect from a woman 13 hours into labor who is faced with someone she deeply dislikes but tolerates for her husband’s sake. He turns purple and goes at me, hand raised, before he realizes where he is. My husband grabs him, has him in a chokehold (husband has a good 50lbs and 6in on him).

I think my husband would’ve killed him if hospital security hadn’t taken him out. With just my husband, mother and MIL in the room, the baby came within two more hours, after interventions- the stress from the encounter caused my daughter to go into distress, and myself to completely panic and shut down. The opposite of what was needed in labor, in short.

So… what do I do now? What do we do now? I want to go no contact, but that would mean losing contact with my MIL with whom I get along well, and my husband losing his parents, plus my daughter never knowing any grandparents but my mom due to my dad not being in my life. What do I do?

See what others had to share with OP:

[Reddit User] −  Go no contact with FIL. If MIL decides that means no contact with you and with her son, that is her choice, NOT yours. She can come visit you on her own. She can arrange to meet with you when you’re out on her own. She can have you over when there’s no chance of FIL being home. If she CHOOSES to go no contact with you and your husband, that’s not on you.

You daughter should not know your FIL. She’s not missing out on anything healthy or good. She’s not going to be psychologically scarred by not seeing this one relative. She might very well be psychologically scarred by being around an abusive a**hole.

[Reddit User] −  I’m actually getting angrier and angrier reading OP’s replies. I understand you guys are victims here, but I’m getting pretty upset. Your MIL has so many options. She has disability, medicare, food stamps, social security, and any assets her husband has. Her abusive piece of s**t husband is not her lifeline.

You can call Dial-A-Ride, she can live in a very nice assisted living facility that can help her get to the movies, to doctor appointments, out to dinner, to church, etc. YOU HAVE OPTIONS. It is going to take effort on everyone’s part, but you are not helpless. I understand what it’s like to be a victim: you are so deeply embedded in the group version of reality, it’s very hard to break away from it.

You second guess yourself: it would be easier to all just work around him and accommodate him! Call the police to file a police report about the hospital incident. This will not get him arrested. Then, Get an order of protection against him. It won’t send him to jail to get one. You have plenty of evidence. Keep him away from you and send the message he is not welcome.

In the meantime, put together a plan for your mother in law: Get her documents in order and help her fill out the paperwork, and drive her to the various state offices to get her on disability and medicaid. Research facilities where she could live near to you guys that would be appropriate for a lively person of her age to live. Research costs of in-home care if living with you guys is an option.

If he breaks the order of protection, CALL THE POLICE. Then he will get arrested. But it won’t be the end of the world because you guys will have a plan in place and your MIL will be taken care of. She can sell the house and get the money, sell her cars and get the money, live on his retirement/pensions…etc. Her life will IMPROVE with him out of the picture IF you guys work together and get her safety net squared away.

[Reddit User] −  Your daughter does not need a grandfather who put her life in danger before it had officially begun. If your husband wants to maintain his own relationship with his dad without involving the rest of you, or your MIL wants to (and can) see you without her husband, that’s up to them. But you are 100% entitled to no contact, and your daughter’s safety needs to be protected.

If anyone does not understand why you are putting your foot down, you probably need to reassess their continued presence in your life as well. Or if that’s not an option (i.e., your husband, although it sounds like he’s going to be on board), go to counseling to discuss what healthy boundaries look like and why FIL can’t be trusted to respect them.

Cultooolo −  I’m going to say something mean. I’m sorry,but it has to be said, based on your responses. Letting your child be around an abuser when you have a choice about it, is just as bad as if you hit her yourself. It’s your job to protect her. You know what to do.

playblu −  ITT:. Everone: “Go no-contact”. OP: “Yeah but…”

[Reddit User] −  You actually want your daughter to have a relationship with this slimy piece of s**t, really? What kind of awful, sexist, r**ist s**t do you want him telling your precious little girl? What kind of hurt do you want him to inflict? When you marry someone, you are making a choice to make your spouse your family.

You are making a choice and publicly declaring that your spouse is the most important person to you, that their needs supersede the needs of others. This is why marriage is such a big deal. You leave your old family to make a new one. Therefore, if your old family is infringing upon the needs and well-being of your new family, your new family gets the priority.

A vow was made: to protect and honor above all else at all cost. He didn’t make a vow to his parents, he made a vow to you. Your daughter will only benefit from having two parents who love her enough to make the tough choices to protect her. My paternal grandfather is a child molester. He kept the entire family in silence about it, that’s how m**ipulative and horrific his mind games were.

My dad was the only person who had the guts to stand up to not only his father but his entire family and declare that he wasn’t going to allow the abuse to continue on to his daughters. I did meet this grandfather a few times before my dad went no contact. I never missed him. I grew up without him. I always understood why he was not allowed around–he was a bad man.

And as an adult I can tell you that I was never deprived of any love. In fact, his absence only allowed MORE room for MORE love. I *ADMIRE* my father for having the courage to protect me and my sisters. From the moment I was old enough to understand, maybe in middle school, I had nothing but the utmost respect for my father.

And I was grateful to have been protected. I knew what that meant. I knew it was hard for him to turn his back on his parents. Your daughter will not ever suffer from being protect and kept safe–emotionally and physically. As for your MIL, my dad faced that situation too.

He tried to cut out only his dad, but his Mom was such an enabler and in such denial that she couldn’t follow my dad’s rules about no contact with his father. So he had to cut contact with her, too. I’d suggest inviting your MIL over for private visits. Offer her a place to stay so she can leave her abusive piece of s**t husband. Otherwise, she needs to make her own choices in this life. Abuse destroys families.

That’s on them, that’s not on you. It will be hard, I’m not denying that. Welcome to parenthood. You have to make f**king tough choices and face difficult truths that were once very easy to ignore. This is it, right here. This is what being a parent is all about. Now are you guys going to have the courage to protect your daughter, or will you bow under the pressure to step up because “it’s hard”? No one ever said parenting would be easy.

ReadyForHalloween −  What in the absolute f**k….this person…i will not say man, because no true man acts this way….should not be around a child, if you let your child be near this animal you are responsible for the suffering and trauma he will cause your daughter, it is your responsibility as a parent to protect your child from people like this.

burner221133 −  This is horrible, but can we please stop using DH as shorthand for husband? I feel like half the people reading this won’t know what it means.

faloogaloog −  Geez, not only would I never let him see or be near my kid, I’d get a restraining order too. I doubt anyone will blaim you. If MIL wants to be see you all she will find a way. It’s thoughtful of you to be considerate of the others feelings,

but at this point it’s about safety, well-being and the influence and environment your child will grow up in and around. And f**k him, he doesn’t deserve the consideration and your child doesn’t need an abusive, poor excuse for a man grandfather.

zombiesandpandasohmy −  Go no contact. First time MIL comes over with him, she gets cut too. Yes, she’s paraplegic; she can get a nurse to help her, have your SO pick her up, hire some dude off craigslist, whatever. I guarantee you she’s going to bring your FIL over with her just because she’s been his victim the last 30 years or so, and he knows how to work her.

She’s likely never going to pick anyone over him, he’s got her so brainwashed. You and your SO should start discussing either getting her away from him, or cutting contact with her just to prepare yourselves for when you’ll have to do so. Your daughter will be harmed by having this man in her life in any form. It’s possible he will m**est her, but it’s 100% certain he’ll mentally and likely physically harm her.

You’ve already decided he’s got an anger problem so he’ll never be around her; this is actually the step you should have taken in the first place. Frankly, I think you are taking this way way too well. **Your husband will be better off without him in his life too -and he really needs therapy to help him deal with things.**

He shrugged all this crap off, and only finally stepped in when it almost got physical. What if he had stepped out of the room for a bathroom break or something? **Protect your daughter over everything else -even your MIL’s feelings**, how hard it is to go no contact, whatever issues your SO is likely struggling with.

Toxic relationships, especially with family, can be incredibly complex and emotionally draining. In situations like these, prioritizing safety and emotional well-being is paramount. What would you do in her position—go no-contact, establish firm boundaries, or try to maintain some connection for the sake of family unity? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/oCLuY