My (23F) sister (30F) is upset I babysit my friends’ (23M and 22F) baby over her nightmare kid. How can I get my family to understand that her kid is a nightmare?

A Redditor shared a story about the tension with her family over refusing to babysit her nephew, a child with significant behavioral challenges, while happily agreeing to babysit a friend’s well-behaved baby.

Despite her clear reasons, including her nephew’s difficult behavior and her sister’s refusal to seek help for him, her family has sided with her sister. Her sister has even resorted to personal attacks, making the situation even more volatile. Now, she seeks advice on how to make her family understand her perspective. Read the original story below…

‘ My (23F) sister (30F) is upset I babysit my friends’ (23M and 22F) baby over her nightmare kid. How can I get my family to understand that her kid is a nightmare?’

I’m a 23 year old childfree woman (idk if this is needed for the story), and my sister is 30 with a 4 year old son. She’s a single mom, ex-husband is not in the picture and has no contact with her or the kid. I’m gonna get straight to the point, that kid is a nightmare to be around. It’s not his fault, it’s my sister’s fault.

He very clearly has behavioral and mental health disorders, even at his young age. However, my sister was and is very ablest and refuses to accept that her son has problems. The kid screams bloody m**der whenever something doesn’t slightly go his way, screams and cries when he’s o**rwhelmed, has meltdowns to certain sounds and textures.

Like I said, I don’t blame the kid for these issues, but my sister refusing to get him treatment or help makes the kid a nightmare to be around. So, as a result I don’t babysit the kid when my sister asks (more like demands) I do so. This causes a lot of fights between us and our family.

I have a friend, 23 M, who’s married to a wonderful lady age 22 and they have a baby boy together who just turned 1. Yes they got married and had him young, but it’s not my place to judge them. This past weekend they asked me to babysit for them, and I agreed for a few reasons.

Their kid is calm, well behaved, and a general good kid/toddler/baby to be around. I love babysitting him. Also, they asked me nicely and understood that I might say no because I’m childfree. They were polite about their request.

A thing about me is that if you ask me to do something politely, even if it’s something I wouldn’t usually agree to, I’d probably do it because you were nice and polite. So for these reasons, I happily agreed to babysit the boy.

My sister also asked me to babysit her son that day so she could have a day to herself, and I refused and told her I was already babysitting for my friends. She was pissed, to say the least. She said a few comments about how I was an ass and not a good sister, but I thought she dropped it after that.

This past weekend, while I was watching the baby, my sister started banging on my door. I looked through the window and saw that she had her kid and a care bag with her, and I knew she was trying to drop him off and make me babysit.

She was banging on the door, yelling at me and calling me heartless and a baby hater (while I was holding a baby, ironic) and that I better open up and do my sisterly duties. I put the baby in a different room to keep him from getting scared by the noise, and told my sister through the window to leave, or I would call the cops.

She started cursing for a solid five minutes before she finally left. I had the whole thing on my doorbell camera and sent it to the family group chat. Surprisingly, my whole family is on my sister’s side. She keeps arguing with me about how I’d rather babysit a kid not even related to me over my nephew.

I reminded her that her kid is a nightmare to be around, but she keeps saying that for family you help out. My sister has been cold since, and keeps sending me text messages to provoke me into arguing with her more. She’s also started saying some pretty ablest and n**ty things towards my friend’s wife.

My friend’s wife is on the spectrum and has BPD and my sister keeps saying that she should have been sterilized and never should have passed her issues to her kid (btw, her kid has shown none of the signs that autistic infants usually show so idk what my sister is on).

I will admit that I do feel a bit guilty because I never consider babysitting my nephew, but I jumped at the opportunity to babysit my friend’s kid. My sister, dad (66), mom (64) and brother (33) are all calling me an a**hole and saying that I’m just using the CF label to avoid family responsibility.

I need advice on how to get my family to see my perspective on this. How can I explain to them that the issue isn’t the idea of babysitting, but it’s the behavior of the kid?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Drawn-Otterix −  Just ignore your sister maybe even block her. She isn’t entitled to you as a babysitter. As for your family, black kettle them, “So when are you babysitting sister kiddo since family should care for family?”

NoxWild −  Stop justifying, arguing, defending, and explaining your No. Do not give excuses like “I’m already babysitting another child.”. Nobody is owed your time or labor. Simply say, “No, I can’t do that,” and if they won’t accept it, *hang up on them.* Your sister’s n**lect of her child’s needs is shameful.

One day soon, she will have much, much bigger problems than not being able to find a sitter for him. If she plans to send her child to public school, her n**lect will become extremely obvious when he is unable to manage himself and she tells mandated reporters she refuses to get him the help he needs.

PreparationScared −  Good news, you don’t need to get your family to see your perspective! You can mute the group chat. You can tell them the topic of who you babysit for is off the table, and stick to it. If anyone starts talking to you about babysitting for your sister, you say “i’m not discussing that, next topic.”

If they don’t stop you say “i gotta go, love you” and you hang up, leave the room, whatever. You absolutely get to choose what you do and what you discuss.

This is not like calling CPS, you don’t have to give them her name or your name. Let an expert hear about the child’s difficulties and see what they say.

Liu1845 −  Anyone who tells *you* to babysit should be told *they* can volunteer themselves.

WhatHappenedMonday −  You need to be honest with your family about what a nightmare the child is. Ask them to babysit if they disagree then block the idiots. Make sure your sister does not have key. Get security cameras and block her. Life is too short, and family can be idiots. I prune ruthlessly those who cause disquiet in my life.

SnooWords4839 −  It’s not your responsibility to take care of your sister’s kid. Tell them to babysit if they think family should help.

Capable_Garbage_941 −  No is a complete sentence. If anyone else asks why, just tell them the truth.

zanne54 −  “Before you jump to label me an a**hole, I don’t see any of you stepping up to perform your “family responsibility” of babysitting nephew. Put up or shut up.”

Houseleek1 −  Saying that someone should be sterilized is beyond the pale. Many mentally ill or POC used to be sterilized without consent as ruled the Supreme Court in the US. There are still 30 States where forced sterilization is legal.

With today’s movement toward more racism and classism, even threatening WWII solutions, your sister had better watch her mouth. You may be the only tolerant person in your family if they try to force you to bend to your sister’s will knowing how terribly your sister’s kids has been mistreated.

You are either going to learn that you can maintain your boundaries even if your whole family is pressuring you or how far under the thumb of this crazy sister you’re willing to live.

CloudySide7 −   She’s also started saying some pretty ablest and n**ty things towards my friend’s wife. My friend’s wife is on the spectrum,

and has BPD and my sister keeps saying that she should have been sterilized and never should have passed her issues to her kid. I think more people need to focus on this. That’s some certain German 1930s political party stuff she’s saying…

How would you handle this situation? Is she wrong for prioritizing her boundaries and comfort over her sister’s demands? Should she feel obligated to babysit a difficult child because it’s “family”? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/aYpyS