My (23F) husband (25M) admitted that his younger brother yelled at him for how he treats me?

A Reddit user (F/23) shares the complexities of her relationship with her husband (M/25). After enduring a period of mistreatment, she had almost left him, but he begged her to stay and has been making efforts to change.

Recently, he admitted that his younger brother (M/22) had yelled at him for not treating her well, which left the Redditor shocked. Now, her husband is seeking advice on how to treat her better, but she is unsure of how to respond. Read the original story below for more insight into their journey.

‘ My (23F) husband (25M) admitted that his younger brother yelled at him for how he treats me?’

My husband and I have relationship issues.I have been hesitant to leave him, mainly for the fact that we have a child together but also I care for him a lot. He got really dark a few months ago. Did and said a lot of things that hurt me (but didn’t directly hit me or do anything in front of our kid). I was ready to leave him because throughout our relationship, he never really treated me that great and I think i was just at my limit.

But when I tried to leave, he broke down and begged me to stay so I did. He changed since. He’s been treating me like an equal being. He’s been going to therapy for 4 months now consistently. He started opening up to me about things he didn’t before. I’ve been noticing that overall, he seems so much warmer to others, not just me.

Recently, we were driving and conversation about his little brother came up (he’s 22) and I was telling him about some things that his brother told me about his girlfriend. My husband randomly admitted that his brother told him to treat me better.

I was shocked because I didn’t think that anyone noticed or thought of our relationship like that. I never said a word to anyone. I asked him what happened and he seemed embarrassed and brushed it off saying that his brother “just kinda yelled” at him that he doesn’t treat me like a “woman”.

The crazy thing is that my husband admitted to not treating me well to ME then too. I didn’t know what to say so that was the end of the conversation. Since then, he’s been bringing things up randomly, asking what I like and how I would like to be treated.

My question is, how do I respond to this? Or do I just let him be to do his thing? My usual response is to just brush it off or say “whatever you want, honey” but I’ve been growing a bit of self confidence so I don’t want to brush it off anymore. (I’m also just still shocked that someone said something to my husband I guess. I dint know what to think of it. Got nobody to talk to about it 😭)

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

ash-leg2 −  You should be in therapy too to help you continue to gain confidence and work through thoughts like these. Keep up the momentum, don’t “brush it off”.

Psyched_wisdom −  If you are both working on the relationship, that’s great. But if he stops this “honeymoon” period and falls back this behavior, leave immediately. No matter what he says or does. This should be the last chance. Good luck.. Update me

Vegetable-Cod-2340 −  Op, you should be in therapy as well, his treatment took a toll on you. Work with a therapist about how to respond to his request and eventually it will become second natuare with you two both asking and giving what each other needs.

yourusualcap27 −  you grow a backbone and tell him exactly what you need/want from him and watch him if he follows through with it.. you are his partner and the mother of his child so you deserve respect, support, help, attention, love and kind words. you are both young and some couple counseling might help too so you can have a profesional middle man to help both of you get in the right place

ladidah_whoopa −  OP, I regret to inform you that if things got so bad that his little brother yelled at him, then pretty much everyone realized he was abusing you. Everyone saw it and was horrified and talked about it behind both of your backs.

Do not kid yourself. This isn’t just a small thing you can brush away because he’s getting better. I’m glad he’s going to therapy and hope he stays committed to improving. But you need therapy too, urgently.

You’ve been so throughly mistreated that you can’t even tell how wounded you are, because the respite from his violence has you over the moon. Well, the truth is you’ve floated so far from normal you can’t see the shore anymore.

Get some treatment, because by now it’s well known trauma this great never has the decency to just stay buried. It will come out, probably in a terrible way, in a terrible time and at a terrible place

Subspaceisgoodspace −  I am glad his brother told him to treat you better. When he asks, you answer honestly. If this is hard write a list of things you would like him to do like dishes, cook you a dinner, laundry etc.

Kubuubud −  You definitely need to be in therapy as well! And then find a third party for a marriage counselor. It’s great that he’s made huge improvements, but you need to remain cautious. Sometimes a**sive people do all of this growing and changing, but it’s just part of the abuse cycle. He could 100% be changed for the better, but you need to build your confidence so you don’t stick around if old habits return.

PTSSuperFunTimeVet −  Your child can pick up on this abuse as early as 3 years of age. It does not matter if it isn’t happening in front of the child or not. There are a great many social cues your a**sive relationship dynamic is known to your child. Kids pick up on as little as a stress shift by the mother.

When WWII was looming in the air, a significant increase of mothers brought their babies to their respective doctor’s offices all throughout Europe. The doctors were stunned.

Then there was a connection made. The mothers were experiencing elevated stress levels because they knew the imminent danger of war. The children picked up on that and were also stressed out.  If you are staying for your child…don’t.

CS1703 −  I had an a**sive ex, and it took me a long time to leave. I honestly believed he didn’t mean it, or that he was just so in love with me he behaved irrationally. I bumped into his brother shortly after, we had a drink together. He told me he thought my ex was awful to me. My ex’s brother told me about occasions my ex would come to him and ask “should I say XYZ” to me or “should I send this text?”

His brother told me he’d said, no. Those are awful and mean. And my ex shrugged it off and did it anyway. In summary… our exes knew they were behaving terribly and hurting us. They just didn’t care. Their own brothers recognised it, which means they did to.

Your husband doesn’t care about you, or he wouldn’t treat you this way. His own brother recognises it. Rebuild your life away from this l**er, for the sake of your child (who will be modelling their future relationships on how they say their parents interact) as for your own sake.

Leather_Persimmon489 −  Order your BIL pizza

How would you handle a situation where a partner admits their past mistakes, especially when someone else has pointed them out? Is it important to set boundaries and assert your needs, or should you let the person work through their changes? Share your thoughts below!