My (23f) bf (28m) checks out EVERY SINGLE WOMAN?

A Reddit user shared that they’ve been in a relationship for four months, but one issue has been bothering them: their boyfriend frequently checks out other women in a way that makes them uncomfortable. Despite addressing it before, the behavior hasn’t changed, and they’re struggling to figure out whether they’re overreacting or if it’s valid to feel insecure.

They want to have an open conversation with him without seeming controlling but also want to feel valued and respected in the relationship. To find out more about their dilemma and how they plan to address it, read the full story below.

‘ My (23f) bf (28m) checks out EVERY SINGLE WOMAN?’

I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for about four months now. Things have been going pretty well overall, but there’s one thing that’s been bothering me since the start that I’m struggling to get past. When we first started seeing each other, I noticed that he has this habit of checking out almost every woman he sees.

It’s not like he makes any rude comments or tries to approach them, but it’s very obvious. His gaze tends to linger, and I can see him visibly checking them out from head to toe. I’m talking about everywhere we go – whether it’s walking down the street, at a party, in a store, or even when we’re just hanging out with friends.

It makes me uncomfortable every time, and I can’t help but feel a little insecure when it happens. I’ve addressed it with him once before, and he reassured me that he doesn’t do that anymore. He said he used to have that “bad habit” when he was younger but had worked on it and outgrown it.

At the time, I tried to brush it off, thinking maybe it was a one-time thing, or perhaps I was just overthinking it. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust that he would respect my feelings. But after four months, nothing has changed. Every time we go out or even when we’re just walking down the street together, I catch him checking out other women.

It’s still very noticeable, and no matter how many times I let it slide, it’s making me feel uneasy. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overreacting or if it’s valid to be uncomfortable with this behavior. I understand that people have different levels of attraction to others and that it might just be a natural, subconscious response for him.

But I also know that we’re in a relationship now, and I want to feel valued, respected, and like I’m the one he’s paying attention to. I’ve tried not to let it affect me, but when it happens, it’s hard not to feel like I’m not enough or like I’m being compared to every other woman he sees.

It’s still relatively early in our relationship, but I think it’s important to have an open and honest conversation about it. I want to address it in a way that doesn’t make him feel bad or like I’m attacking him, but I also want him to understand how it makes me feel.

I don’t want to seem controlling or insecure, but I can’t keep ignoring something that consistently makes me uncomfortable. I’m just not sure how to bring it up without sounding like I’m making a bigger deal out of it than it is. Should I bring it up again, or is this something I should just accept? How do I approach this without making him defensive or upset?

I don’t want to ruin the relationship or make him feel like I’m trying to change him, but at the same time, I think it’s important for him to understand where I’m coming from. I’m hoping for a positive, constructive conversation that can help us move forward and make me feel more secure in our relationship.

See what others had to share with OP:

ConsistentCheesecake −  People who stare are rude, full stop. I am always so shocked by these posts because there are so many rude, lecherous, gross men who try to justify it by saying that they can’t help it, or that women don’t notice them do it. Did none of these men have parents????? “Staring at strangers is rude” is an extremely basic lesson to learn about living in a society.

I’d bring it up one more time and say, “You know how you told me that you don’t stare at women anymore? You do, and it’s very overt and obvious, and it makes me uncomfortable. It’s rude and it’s disrespectful to me and to them.” There are decent men out there so I’d find one of them to date instead if he can’t grow up.

aenflex −  Yeah, ‘checking out’ people is normal. But making it obvious to anyone that happens to glance at him, including his own partner, is definitely a little off-putting. I mean, unless you want to stay quiet about it and let it fester, you could just sit down with him and explain the way it makes you feel.

You don’t have to be rude about it, you can just explain that while you appreciate that he’s observant, the blatant-ness of it all just makes you uncomfortable. Nothing wrong with that at all. Watch for other red flags, though, since this is a new relationship…

nova9001 −  Checking other people is ok but if you are it to the point its so obvious, it shows something wrong. Its not normal, its embarrassing for you. Do you want to introduce people to your bf and let them see him behave like this?

IncredibleBulk2 −  Or should it not make me uncomfortable? Retrain yourself not to ask this question. Listen to your discomfort and trust it. It is there for a reason. It is a part of you. You should not dismiss so central to your existence. I’m not saying that you need to go nuclear when you feel uncomfortable – – just recognize that this is an evolutionary adaptation to protect us.

When you feel it c**ep in, remove yourself from the situation and recall what just happened and what about it would make you feel that way. Your feelings aren’t good or bad, they just are. You never need to judge yourself for having an emotion.. ​

MuchChickenScratch −  “..without making him feel bad?” He should feel bad if he’s intensely staring at other women when he’s out with you. It’s weird for them, weird for him (whether he knows it or not) and definitely weird as hell for you. Gosh, where is his pride…he’s allowed to think they’re attractive, but as for being creepy? No way. You’re his girl, aren’t you?

You most certainly have a say in this and he needs to stop. The trick here is to not come across as if you’re just throwing a fit out of being jealous and controlling. My priest’s wife used to say, “don’t tell a man no, just tell him what will happen if he continues. This is how you deal with men.” Gosh! That is the best advice I have gotten in this area.

You can approach it from the standpoint that you don’t want to be the girl with the boyfriend who’s creeping on everyone, or that if someone else’s boyfriend did that to you, you’d wonder why on earth she was putting up with it. Sometimes presenting it as if both of you were in two different places makes more sense.

Ultimately, I said “bye bye” to a guy mainly for this reason. He was not only hitting on other people out of “sincerity” but wouldn’t listen when it made me uncomfortable. Be wise.

phelgmdounuts −  this without making him feel bad? Lol why would he feel bad? You’re allowed to speak up for yourself and address issues in your relationship. I’m sure he’s not concerned about making you feel bad when he ogles women or making those women feel bad when he creeps on the. It’s an early relationship. Tell him you find it disrespectful. How he responds will let you know who he is.. ​

hawker86 −  To be fair, they often do it by accident and wholly subconsciously, but — by God — if you ever get the excuse “it’s natural” then girl you’d better start shitting in the woods, because that was natural too once but we’re not Neanderthals anymore.

weissduboir −  That’s super disrespectful to you, and generally kinda gross. It’s okay to find people attractive and sometimes your eyes do wander, even if you are in a healthy relationship, but doing it so obviously to every single woman is just rude and shows terrible social skills. Is he genuinely unaware that he’s doing it?

If you want to stay with him, you should let him know that he still has this ‘bad habit’, that it’s super obvious, and that it needs to change. But also, you don’t have any obligation to stay with him. You haven’t been with him long, and besides the fact that it’s rude and disrespectful, I can imagine that going anywhere with him must be pretty embarrassing if he’s acting like that. He needs to grow up.

yousoycrazy −  I mean most children learn that its rude to stare so I definitely think its weird and innapropriate. I’d probably bring it up initially in a light hearted way saying he’s staring too much and see what he says

Krunzuku −  It is a pretty immature thing for a 28 year old man to do, as “normal” as people would say. I think a 28 year old man should be able to behave better then a 14 year old boy full of raging hormones is doing. Which makes sense considering he is dating down 5 years to a 23 year old.