My (22f) Aunt (50f) might be getting baited by a guy she ‘met’ on instagram and I don’t know how to talk to her about it.

A 22-year-old is growing increasingly concerned that their aunt may be falling victim to an online romance scam. After introducing her aunt to Instagram as a platform to share her art, the aunt became involved with a seemingly too-perfect man, “Andy,” who claims to live nearby but has displayed red flags, including unkept plans, suspicious behavior, and a sudden engagement after only a few months of online interaction.

The aunt, who is disabled, lives with her mother, and has little romantic experience, may be especially vulnerable to manipulation. The poster struggles with how to broach the topic without alienating their aunt or seeming unsupportive. For more context and to join the discussion, read the full story below…

‘ My (22f) Aunt (50f) might be getting baited by a guy she ‘met’ on instagram and I don’t know how to talk to her about it.’

A little about my aunt – she’s a ‘former’ artist, extremely overweight, and disabled, lives with her mom. I say ‘former’ bc she used to be pretty big on the professional scene in our area, selling her artwork, but after her illness, stopped making art. Until the last year or so. Since she doesn’t leave the house much, I thought I would open up her world a little through social media,

and give her a new platform to share her art through. I thought I did great, fielding her questions, teaching her how to block people who make her uncomfortable, etc. At first, she posted all about her art, and it was super cool to see her getting ‘out there’ again. Now her feed is mostly motivational quotes pasted over generic ‘inspiring’ images; typical boomer-on-facebook aesthetic,

down to very slimming filtered selfies where she doesn’t even look like herself. It’s a 7layer salad of cringe. Whatever, right? Enter ‘Andy’. She started showing us pictures of this smoking hot guy around thanksgiving (2018). We’re talking nice tan, totally ripped, perfect teeth set in his head below the two sapphires he’s calling eyes.

He’s got a german sheperd, and was supposedly in the marines. He looks like perfect social media bait. Like, too damn good to be true. And he’s into my aunt. (Andy also apparently lives in a city about 2 hours away, so meeting him is plausible, but he has to come to her since she can’t drive.). None of us think he’s real.

He does weird s**t like claim he doesn’t know how to use facebook or instagram, even though they MET on instagram. She started sending him gift cards almost right away. On Christmas Eve, he was supposed to pick her and my grandma up to take them to our Xmas Eve dinner. We knew they had a ride, didn’t know who the ride was, bc usually my uncle drives them.

We get a call 10 minutes before my mom, gf, and me are leaving for the dinner, saying that Andy hasn’t shown up yet and they need a ride. So we give them a ride, and wonder why the hell none of us knew Andy was ‘coming to dinner’. Her instagram posts about him are still cringe-worthy – she posted a picture of his dog and called it “Her baby, their son, etc.’

and said of the dog ‘mama loves you baby.’ She randomly texted me once, asking how to do a background check; when I asked what was up, she just said someone was being shady and didn’t say anything more on the subject. Cut to this morning, my gf wakes me up to show me a post she made that says she started a painting of her ‘boyfriend/fiance’.

Record scratch. Freeze frame. WHAT? Is this the same woman who wouldn’t stop badmouthing about my uncle getting engaged to his girlfriend after a year, saying the gf only wanted him for money?? We hadn’t even heard of this guy until Thanksgiving, and to my knowledge, no one except maybe my grandma, assuming he exists, has met him.

Now, 3 months later, she’s ENGAGED?? Now, my dad, her brother, has been pretty disengaged, saying anything he needs to know about this guy, he’ll learn in time. And I get it – she’s missed most of the major milestones that society sees as important; as far as I know, she’s never had a significantly long adult romance, my brother and I are the closest thing to kids she has,

she hasn’t had a drivers liscence for my whole life, she lives with her mom. She’s lonely, and the attention probably feels great, but I’m worried still! I don’t want to see her taken advantage of. I feel like I should talk to her but I don’t know how to without making her feel…..like I’m out to get her?. Please, any advice would be great.

See what others had to share with OP:

Stereobracketmount −  When/if you confront her, make sure to have hard evidence and to give her a way out of feeling embarrassed or ashamed. “He fooled *us*” is a lot easier to agree with than “he fooled *you*”. She’s not going to want the fantasy to end, and certainly not if it means looking dumb.

CaroqHail −  There’s no way this guy is real. I wonder how she would respond if you showed her a similar episode of the Catfish television show.

remyetienne −  1000% a Romance Scam. They’re always US military or working on oil rigs. They are often single parents due to being widowed. They have weird names, like two first names or two last names. They have new accounts and all their photos were posted on the same day. They are probably in a Nigerian internet cafe. I have a slightly popular instagram and I get hundreds of romance scammers messaging me.

ihavesensitiveknees −  Some guy was scamming my widowed Aunt on Words With Friends. He was a widowed German guy working on an oil rig and had two daughters living with family. They ask for gift cards or money to come see you. She somehow got him to call her once when my mom was around demanding that she speak with him and he had a Nigerian accent.

We reverse imaged the guy’s picture which ended up being a fairly well known motivational speaker. It is apparently a big scam on WWF.

PurpleUnicornCupcake −  I had an old coworker who got catfished a couple of times and sent $1k+ to her “boyfriends”. She was sweet but overweight and older- still living with her parents. I remember her showing us a few pics that looked like stock model photos- clearly fake.

People told her he wasn’t real but apparently they would talk on the phone and he even sent her flowers a couple of times but he always had an excuse why he couldn’t meet… Hope your aunt can come to terms with reality but perhaps she knows but is in denial and just wants to act out this fantasy.

phan_tastic −  My friend was talking to a really hot, I mean smoking hot guy. She was Indian. He was apparently American. A week of talking through tinder and everything was off but she had love goggles on. She sends me a picture to show off and I’m like this guy is too hot. I do an image reverse search.

Turns out to be a Brazilian super model. His complete bs story about being with the cia, with the American contingent for the air show was all a big fat lie. She immediately realized her folly.
To be fair to her. She was 7 but this guy was a 10.. I digress. Reverse image search, if this guy doesn’t exists and doesn’t know how to use insta then those pictures shouldn’t show up.

Dogzillas_Mom −  If she’s 50, she’s Gen X, not a Boomer. She *should* have a better sense of social media. FTR, I am near her age and I saw this coming from just the title. She is def being catfished. She also doesn’t understand that love bombing is something that controlling abusive people do to rope someone in. That concerns me even more than the catfishing.

I’d try to first, do some googling and background checking *with* her. Pay money to one of those background check sites (cancel after a month). That gets you access to public records quickly so you can find if this guy’s been to jail ever or whatever. Depends on where he lives. If he’s in Florida, you’re golden because Sunshine Laws. (*OMG he could be Florida Man!*)

And then I’d also recommend the Socratic method. Ask her questions until it dawns on her what’s up. Does she really think you can be in love with someone after a month or two? How well does she really know him? Have they even met? Have they had s**? How was the s**, are they compatible? Since she’s never been in a LTR that you know of, she might not realize that LDRs are fake intimacy.

She’s in love with the idea, not with the man, because she doesn’t even really know the man. Have they even Skyped or done Facetime or any sort of video conferencing? Google Hangout? No? Has there been any face-to-face interaction? How does she feel about being stood up on Christmas? Is that the action of someone who loves her?

What does he do for a living (and is that verifiable? Is there a company website?) See if you can find some “How to tell if you’re being catfished” articles and share them with her and talk about them. You could use the hypothetical “I have this friend, tell me what you think” approach. So you could spin a similar story and see what advice she would give herself.

I’m very concerned with you. Dudes like this prey on people like her. It makes my blood boil. He pretty much has to be shady in some way, maybe he’s trying to get her money, maybe he’s just an abusive a**hole who is trying to worm his way into her life so he’ll have someone to knock around. Either scenario gives me the chills.

InTheBinIGo −  This makes me so so sad. I weirdly can picture my elderly dad doing this, especially because he’s horrible with social media. I’m not sure how close you and your aunt are but try prod for more details. Have they even met? If not, have they ever talked via video call? Voice chat is not enough. If she gets upset, let her know it’s out of concern. You don’t think she’s stupid but you just wanted to check.

[Reddit User] −  So has she actually met him?