My [21F] Partner [26M] of 3 years has required me to make a lot of sacrifices for him in the last 6 months, and it is effecting my health and grades. Then found out I have substantial savings while he has none. He is demanding that I hand over money.

A Reddit user (21F) shares their struggles in a relationship with their partner (26M) of three years, who has been demanding a lot of sacrifices from them, including time and money. The user feels that their partner’s demands, such as driving long distances, helping with family matters, and contributing large sums of money to his needs, are negatively affecting their health and academic performance.

The partner, who has no savings and is facing financial difficulties, has now requested access to the user’s bank account, citing their future together. The user is torn between being supportive and preserving their well-being.

‘ My [21F] Partner [26M] of 3 years has required me to make a lot of sacrifices for him in the last 6 months, and it is effecting my health and grades. Then found out I have substantial savings while he has none. He is demanding that I hand over money.’

My boyfriend and I have been studying together at university, and while he is studying part time, working part time and engaging heavily in his amateur acting career. While I am studying full time and working part time. We share one subject at uni together.

On top of this he is trying to pick up another hobby while looking after his grandfather who is in his final stages in a nursing home. As you can imagine, for the past 6 months he has very little time to cut out of his week to spend with me. None, in fact. I have been fine with this for the most part.

I have been driving 45 minutes 3+/- times a week to get to his house so we can steal a few hours together, but he doesn’t have time to spare. This is an inconvenience I can live with. However he has been asking me to do a lot of other things too; He has frustrated me multiple times with demands that I visit his grandfather (Who does not recognise me) for two hours, which turns in to 4.5 hours.

Or help him with a family matter, which lasts 5 hours or so. Every time this happens, he promises he will drive me home, and every time he says he doesn’t have time anymore and I need to catch the train home (1 hour + walking). I have spoken to him about how this is unfairly effecting me, and he seems to take it on board, but just forgets again the next time he needs something.

After forcing me to spend $600+ on his best friends’ destination wedding, the weekend before we both had two major exams due, He demands that we switch our exam times because he didn’t spend enough time studying and he needed the extra day. I concede and he squanders his spare day sleeping because he “needed it.”

I take my classes very seriously and I feel very fucked over by his demands. I understand that family matters/best friends are important things, but he has eaten in to hours and hours of my study time, and my grades are dropping. Not only that, but it’s effecting my emotional health also. I have expressed to him that it is effecting me badly, but he tells me I’m being very unsympathetic and selfish.

What’s more is that I have about $10K in savings. He recently became aware of this and has demanded that I help him pay his bills because “we’re a team” (He is broke). I helped him with a few, but drew the line after $500 because he is very irresponsible with money and there’s only so much I can pour out before it seriously effects me.

He is also demanding that I give him access to my bank account because “we are in this together” and he wants to marry me one day so we should “start sharing now” I don’t really know what to do. I want to be a good girlfriend and do what he needs me to do right now, but it’s beginning to effect my health. Should I be giving him more money? Am I being selfish with my time and funds? At what point is it reasonable to say no?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Ninja-iris −  I’m not going to address him because you have already gotten the idea about how he us treating you. Instead I am going to talk about you. You come across as a caring, nice and smart young lady, but you need to assert yourself and your needs. If someone askes you time and again to give of yourself it’s completely acceptable to say no.

You need to practice saying no, and putting your own needs first. College is only a small periode of your whole life, and you should put your education first right now. It’s okay to ask your girlfriend to travel far for you, but it is also okay for your girlfriend to say no. Asking is fine, demanding is not. Take care of yourself first right now. Take some time off and don’t use your money on his bills, it’s just stupid. Trust me.

oh_boisterous −  He’s a disrespectful ass. You’re not a team…you’re not even married and he doesn’t give a s**t about you. He’s a selfish, entitled little s**t. Stop giving him money immediately and put your education first. A degree will last a lot longer than your relationship with this creep.

tervie −  I wish I had a gf who spends all her time and money on me while I treat her like garbage. Good deal for him definitely

gokotta −  Don’t merge finances until you’re actually married. I’m not saying you should get married (it sounds like a terrible idea, based on what you’ve written above) but “wants to marry [you] one day” is not a strong enough justification for putting your financial future at risk.

teresajs −  D**p him. D**p him fast. He is a user and doesn’t care about you.

bad_blood9 −  I wouldn’t be giving him much of your time and energy anymore, let alone your money. Please hold onto your money!

butterjutter −  You are NOT his mother. You aren’t obligated to take care of his grandfather, you aren’t obligated hand over your savings because “we are in this together”, cause you guys aren’t. He is responsible for his own savings. Just because he “wants to marry you one day so you might as well share with him now” is not how it works.

He has proven himself to be irresponsible with money and seems to have already started taking you for granted. I really don’t want to be the person to say d**p him (and I really suggest dumping him) but he is taking advantage of you. So for the sake of your grades, your emotional health, and your finance, break up with the j**k.

Then, write down a list of things that he has wronged you with. Trying to take your money. Disregarding your needs like studying, spending time with him.  Forcing you to. Forcing you to spend money on him. It’s okay for the girl to spend money on her guy but only when it’s agreed on by both and done fairly.

I hope you will be able to open your eyes and see that he is no good for you..  Etc. And every time he tries to get back together and you feel tempted, go through the list and remind yourself that the good does NOT outweigh the bad.

reddfoxx1 −  Learn to say no. Then, learn to say I’m breaking up with you.. Quit the team!

BoldStrategy_Cotton −  You are in a very deeply abusive relationship with a lying user who is trying to rob you. I want to be a good girlfriend and do what he needs me to do right now, This is RIDICULOUS and proof of how well trained he has you. You need to leave him.