My (21F) boyfriend (24M) has a “small crush” on a girl he delivered to. Is it okay to be worried about this cause to me it seems bigger than just a small crush?

A young woman is grappling with feelings of insecurity after discovering her boyfriend of five years has been nurturing a “small crush” on a girl he delivered groceries to. Despite his claims that it’s normal to have innocent crushes in long-term relationships, his actions—frequent Instagram checks,

recording her TikToks, and keeping her address in his notes—suggest something more significant. She contrasts this with her own harmless celebrity crush and questions whether she’s overreacting or if his behavior crosses a line. Read on for the full story and share your perspective.

‘ My (21F) boyfriend (24M) has a “small crush” on a girl he delivered to. Is it okay to be worried about this cause to me it seems bigger than just a small crush?’

We’ve been together for 5 years, and recently I found out my boyfriend was frequently (for a year) checking the Instagram profile of a girl he delivered groceries to. I asked him about it and he told me he was just curious. Later he confessed that maybe he has a small crush on her.

He brushed it off by saying it’s normal to have innocent crushes, and even claimed he read that people get crushes every 6-12 months in long-term relationships. I don’t mind that he finds another girl attractive—I understand that can happen in a long-term relationship.

What matters to me is how you handle it. It’s okay to notice someone else, as long as you let that feeling fade. But the fact that he was “feeding” this crush by repeatedly looking at her photos and even recording her TikToks makes it feel like he was allowing those feelings to grow rather than letting them pass.

He’s been holding onto this crush for nearly a year, which feels like more than just an innocent, fleeting crush. What bothers me most is that he accused me of being hypocritical because I have a celebrity crush on Evan Peters. But to me, a celebrity crush is completely different.

It’s a distant admiration for someone you’ll never interact with. In our 5 years together, I’ve asked him multiple times who his celebrity crush is (mentioning people like Madison Beer or Megan Fox), and he always said he doesn’t have one.

He acknowledges they’re attractive but claims he never felt a “crush” on them. Yet, with this girl—someone he interacted with when he delivered groceries to her and they smiled at each other—he suddenly does feel a crush. And to be fair, she looks like any other girl (no shade).

That makes it feel deeper than a harmless celebrity crush. He also recorded her TikTok, and put her address down in his notes, which feels weird and kind of obsessive. Additionally, at the time he met her, we were going through a rough patch and arguing a lot.

He says he wasn’t thinking of her as a “second option,” but it’s hard not to feel like she was a fallback if things didn’t work out between us. How would you feel in this situation? I feel like I’m overreacting (mainly cause he’s told me that). Is it normal to hold onto a “crush” like this for almost a year?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Wise_Investigator282 −  it is absolutely not normal to cyberstalk someone you saw once for a year. creepy. an emotional affair hurts the partner because it pulls time and attention away from the relationship. if this o**ession is harming your relationship or harming you it is wrong and he should stop.

SubstantialMaize6747 −  Recorded her address in his notes?!?! Wow, nice to know you’re dating a stalker, I guess!! What a c**ep! It’s potentially also illegal as he’s taken personal identifiable data from work.

When you wake up and realise that his behaviour is not only bad bf behaviour, but weirdo stalker behaviour, you might want to a) tell the girl and b) tell his company.. How terrifying for that girl! Jeez

Opening_Track_1227 −  Wait, he is stalking a customer on social media that he once delivered groceries to (a year ago)!? Sis, you are underreacting.

Careful_Pie4290 −  HE PUT HER ADDRESS IN HIS NOTES?!?!?!?! How could you even possibly think for a second that you’re over reacting?! You’re under reacting!! I would’ve dropped him right then and there, hellllllll nooooo

Expensive_Grass5716 −  No this is quite abnormal. I see handsome men all the time, but I would only stalk their social media if I actively wanted them. Sounds like micro cheating to me

edm-princess −  it’s creepy that he lurks her like that. is there a chance they text or talk? i don’t know what’s worse, if they do talk or if he stalks her like this without them talking. either way it’s incredibly disrespectful.

AtmosphereOptimal795 −  Yes people get crushes. But no, you don’t broadcast them while in a relationship.

pineconesunrise −  Having a crush in a long-term relationship? Totally normal. Discussing your crush with your partner? Depends on the relationship but many are fine with it, not necessarily a red flag. Spending a year checking (and recording!) the socials of a woman you met once? Not at all normal or healthy, imo. Even if he was single this would be nuts.

Traeyze −  This isn’t a crush he developed on someone he sees regularly or a parasocial crush on a celebrity you enjoy the work of. This is a girl he delivered to once and then unethically exploited his position to cyberstalk and has done so for a year now.

And yeah, that’s a concern. Like there just doesn’t seem to be any positive purpose to what he is doing. Silent daydreaming about a girl he met in one innocuous interaction and knows nothing about yet still follows feels kind of creepy.

Unusual-Sentence916 −  Seems a little stalkers-ish…