My (21F) boyfriend (23M, 10 months) just told me today he doesn’t like the idea of present-giving and I shouldn’t expect any for Christmas. I’ve already spent $100+ on him.

A Reddit user shared their disappointment after discovering that their boyfriend, Rob, doesn’t believe in giving Christmas gifts, despite their expectation of exchanging presents. The user has already spent over $100 on his gift and feels undervalued, as Rob doesn’t plan to reciprocate but is willing to accept his gift.

Now, the user is questioning the relationship and whether this is a dealbreaker. Read the full story below to delve into the complexities of differing views on gift-giving in a relationship.

‘ My (21F) boyfriend (23M, 10 months) just told me today he doesn’t like the idea of present-giving and I shouldn’t expect any for Christmas. I’ve already spent $100+ on him.’

I’ve been dating Rob since February and I thought things were going really well until today. I know it’s already ridiculously late to speak about presents and I wish we’d discussed this earlier, I just assumed even if we hadn’t spoken about giving presents we would still be exchanging some.

Well, today I brought up that I couldn’t wait for Christmas and I was wondering what my parents were going to get me, and he started going off about he is so against presents and the idea of gifts. I was taken aback and asked, “so your not giving me anything?” And he said nah. He told me he’s never bought anything for anyone so I shouldn’t expect to be different.

We spoke for a long while about why and such, but it’s not important as in the end he still isn’t going to give me anything. I feel as if things have changed since this conversation, in only a few hours. I feel as if I’m obviously not too important to him if he hasn’t gone out of his way to get me even a tiny gift.

I made it clear I do like giving and receiving presents, and I told him I’d already bought his, so he said he’d take his then. Is it wrong of me to not want to give him his present if I won’t be receiving one? I think it’s a little selfish he’s going to accept his present without giving me anything. I don’t want to break up, but I wondering how important this relationship is to him.

This may sound melodramatic, but I’ve never been with someone with such odd views on Christmas. What do you guys think? Should I take his present back? Should I give it to him and ask if he’ll make an exception and buy me at least a little something? Or should I keep the presents for myself…?

Also, if things were to go downhill, is this s ridiculous reason to break up over? Have you ever met someone with similar opinions? Thanks in advance!

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

[Reddit User] −  I told him I’d already bought his, so he said he’d take his then. “I’m not getting you anything but I’ll happily accept the $100+ of gifts you bought for me without reciprocating!” Yeah, no. You take that s**t back and buy yourself a nice gift.

katrina_devort −  Can you return his gift? If you’re not going to receive anything, then neither should he. And if he complains, you can tell him that, too. “You said you’re not really a ‘gift’ kind of guy and since I won’t be getting anything, I didn’t think it was fair that I spent this much money on you.”

PerksAndRec −  He sounds like a bit of an ass, to be honest. It’s not just about him not believing in gifts. That’s fine. What rubs me the wrong way is that he basically told you that you are no more special to him than anyone else he’s ever been with. I worked a long time in retail and I think Christmas is pretty cheesy and stupid.

But, it makes a lot of people close to me happy, including my SO, and I still participate every year. It’s not really about the gifts, it’s about making people feel good. If he cared about you, he’d do the same.

[Reddit User] −  and I told him I’d already bought his, so he said he’d take his then. That’s not how it works. If he’s against presents, then he shouldn’t want or expect any. It’s fine if he isn’t into Christmas gifts, but since that’s an ABNORMAL view (compared to most of our culture), then he should have brough that up sooner.

And just because he’s not into gifts doesn’t give him the right to spout off about them being wrong and stupid. He should have said something a while ago like “I’m not sure where you stand on Christmas, but I’m not into the whole gift giving thing so please don’t feel the need to buy me anything. However, if you are into Christmas I will happily get you a gift”.

That’s all wrapped up in the Love Langauges…he should be speaking to you in yours (giving you a gift), and you should be speaking to him in his (not giving a gift). Honestly, he sounds pretty self-absorbed with how he went about this, and unconcerned about your feelings.

[Reddit User] −  my boyfriend hates getting gifts too. we decided to stop getting gifts and instead treat ourselves to a fancy date. however, if I told him I’d gotten him a 100$+ present, he’d be HORRIFIED and guilty, and keen to get me something in return. I think the fact he’s 100% ok with receiving an expensive gift from you with no intention to reciprocate is more concerning than the fact that he doesn’t want to get you a gift.

[Reddit User] −  Take it back and buy yourself whatever it was you were hoping that he would get you. My guess is that he waited this late before Christmas to tell you he was against gift giving so that you would already have bought him something. That way, he didn’t have to spend any money and he still got some cool new s**t.. Nope

Take that s**t back and get a new jacket or boots or something. If he asks you about it, just say *Since we aren’t doing gifts for Christmas I decided to buy myself something nice* Odds are, he will get immediately pissy once he realizes that he is in fact, not getting anything. And that is the moment you will know exactly what kind of person you are dating.

beanfiddler −  My wife’s not into gifts. I learned it the hard way our first holiday season when I dropped almost $100 on a nice necklace and she got me nothing. She grew up like that, though, so she didn’t “get” why it was important to me. But you explained to him why it’s important to you, right? After I explained, she got into the habit of small gift giving.

Even if it wasn’t a physical gift, she’d do something nice for me in the spirit of the season. She learned to “get” it, to see why it’s nice to know that someone’s thinking about you. That’s what a relationship about: respecting each other’s values. If gift-giving is important to you, make sure you clearly state so.

If he cares about you and your values, he’ll make a token effort to put some thought into a gift or gift-like favor. If he doesn’t, then that’s a bad sign. Even if it’s something he doesn’t think is important, it’s still important to *you*, and someone who respects you should at least support you in what is important to you.

So return the presents. But make it clear that you expect some sort of special token — a favor or a gift or some indication of any size that he gives a s**t about you and the holiday. He probably thinks that he’s doing you a favor by forgoing gifts, but tell him he’s not. Say that you like the giving spirit of the holidays, and that you like to give something to the people you care about this time of year. That’s hardly crazy or unexpected.

What’s crazy is someone that *never* thinks that there’s a special occasion to give someone a token or favor as a show of affection. If he just doesn’t like gifts and gift-giving, that’s one thing. But if he doesn’t give a s**t about special occasions and sharing them with the people he cares about, that’s a fundamental difference in core values, and a good reason to break up.

[Reddit User] −  If the present’s something you want, keep it. If it’s not, and seeing his reaction to the gift won’t be present enough for you, take it back and tell him you’ve decided it’s better to skip the gift exchange than have an unequal one. But if gift-giving is important to you, and he doesn’t want to do it, I do think you need to give some serious consideration to just how compatible you two are.

Remember, this won’t just be Christmas: it’ll be birthdays, Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, little random gestures of appreciation just because he thought you might like something… Some people would be fine with skipping all that, but if you’re not one of them, it’s better to acknowledge that now than spend years feeling sad and resentful.

ihearthiking −  So, basically, when he says that he is “against the idea of presents”, he means “buying them for others” not “getting them” (since he said he would still take what you bought him).

WhiteTiger311 −  He told me he’s never bought anything for anyone so I shouldn’t expect to be different. My goodness, how selfish can someone be? What do you guys think? Should I take his present back?. That’s what I would do personally.

Is this clash over gift-giving a sign of deeper incompatibility, or is it something that can be worked through with better communication? Have you ever experienced differing holiday traditions or values in a relationship? Share your advice and thoughts below!