My [17M] sister [21F] has been missing for 6 months, I feel lots of rage

A young Redditor (17M) is grappling with the emotional turmoil of his sister (21F) running away six months ago. Once a bright and kind presence in his life, his sister struggled under the weight of toxic relationships and family tension before leaving without warning. Though she has been found safe and asked for privacy, her absence has left her younger brother feeling a whirlwind of anger, grief, and confusion. Read the full story below.

‘ My [17M] sister [21F] has been missing for 6 months, I feel lots of rage’

My big brother told me to write it here. He’s helping me write this. Sorry if it is a bit all over the place. My sister, Laura, has always been a very sweet girl. She was always respectfull and kind, intelligent, pretty. She was great to me while growing up, and she loved kids.

Laura is adopted. We all are. Her biological parents died. Our adoptive parents are not bad people but they are very…weird. For example they do not say ‘your T-shirt is ugly’, they say ‘you are ugly’.

Laura was studying at University. Had good grades. 2 years ago she got a boyfriend: Jens. He was an a**hole. He cheated on her, told her how he wanted to beat her, was mad cause she did not cheat on him etc. He went out with other girls etc. After4 months he broke up with her.

Laura had never been the Same. She told us about how Jens would date all his ex’s for at least a year. Even the ones he did not love. Laura felt like a loser. To top things of, she had been bullied by the girl he cheated on her with. She was threatening her etc.

6 months ago, Laura told out mother that she did not want to return to the city she studied at. We had seen it coming,for 2 weeks she only slept, did not eat. Our mother told her ‘To think long and hard’ and How she was going to be a ‘loser working at a supermarket’. They got into a huge fight and Laura went to bed.

The next morning she was gone. She took a train and further we do not know. She posted on Instagram ‘Goodbye’. Police came and our mother was not able to answer a single question: her friends, hobby’s, what she liked, the subject of her bachelorpaper,… Our mother could not answer a thing.

It’s been 6 months. Police found her. But she told them she wishes to be left in peace. As an adult, they have to respect that. I miss my sister. I am also mad. At her. But especially at my mom, and Jens. For being so mean and hurting her, while in fact she was so sweet. I don’t get why she ran away. How she could do that. I feel a lot of anger towards people. I would like to know how I could handle this? And if any of you know or could explain why people run away? Thank you

Tl;dr: My sister ran away, I am very mad at people like my mom and her ex-bf for doing this. How do I handle these feelings?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

DFahnz −  A lot of times people run away because they are being emotionally abused and they don’t think the situation can change. They want to put distance between themselves and the abuser so they can heal.

And make no mistake, calling someone ugly or telling them they’re going to be a loser is very mean. The fact that your mother couldn’t answer a single question about Laura is very telling.. How does your mother treat you?

rightintheshit −  I don’t get why she ran away. How could she do that. Your mom’s only involvement in her life was the time spent insulting her. It sounds to me like Laura made a healthy decision to separate herself from the negative presence your mom had in her life.

[Reddit User] −  At 21, your sister is not a runaway. She moved out to be independent. If she wants to work at a supermarket and live on her own that’s her choice. It stinks that you are caught in the middle of that choice, but your sister had a right to her own life. Even if that life does not involve your parents. It sounds like she was escaping a toxic situation.

Have you or your brother tried to reach out independently? If you do manage you get her contact info, definitely do not use that time to convince her to come home or tell your parents about her life.

takemeawayyyyy −  Laura did the right thing. She left her abusers (Jens, mom) because there’s no way she could be happy in their vicinity. Don’t be mad at Laura, direct your anger to the correct people – Mom for being verbally abusive over the years, Jens for abusing her.

ZeeLadyMusketeer −  “Our adoptive parents are not bad people but they are very…weird. For example they do not say ‘your T-shirt is ugly’, they say ‘you are ugly’.” Hon, that isn’t ‘weird’. That’s ‘cruel’. It verges on ’emotionally abusive’. If that sort of interaction was common-place in your home, then your parents ARE emotionally abusive.

That is likely the reason your sister got with Jens in the first place; thanks to how your parents raised you, she is used to equating bad treatment with love. Your parents have literally raised her to believe that if someone is mean to you, it is a sign they love you. That isn’t normal – it’s also very Not Ok.

In many ways, it sounds like Jens treatment of your sister did her a favour, because it was drastic enough that it broke her ‘programming’, and made her realise that being treated like that is NOT ok, and you DON’T have to accept it. She came home seeking comfort and support, and your mother literally threw it in her face. No wonder she left.

I appreciate your anger, but towards her, it’s misplaced. Don’t be mad, be proud. She’s broken out. She’s taking actual concrete steps to get healthier and be loved, even if it’s just by herself. She knew that there was no way for her to get or be treated better while she remained in contact with your family, and she took measures to change it, hard measures. She’s forging the path that, if you’re lucky, maybe you can take one day as well.

In the meantime, seek support from other people where you can – friends, or your school counsellor. Recognise that your mom isn’t treating you well and try to factor that in when she speaks to you. And recognise that Jens may be an awful person, but something really really good came out of his relationship with your sister; her freedom.

motherkos −  Laura left for the sake of her own mental health. That is why people go no-contact in these situations. I understand your frustration and your pain, but she didn’t do this to hurt anyone. She did it to save herself.

The way you describe your parents is very concerning, but because you were raised by them, you might not see it. There’s also the possibility that Laura was being treated worse than you realized. For example they do not say ‘your T-shirt is ugly’, they say ‘you are ugly’.

This is flat-out mean. It’s not *weird.* Good parents don’t say that kind of stuff to their own kids. You’re still a minor, so it would be difficult for Laura to maintain a relationship with you while continuing to avoid your parents. Once you’re an adult, and you’ve moved out, there may be a chance to get back in contact with her again, provided you respect any boundaries she makes.

Waitingforadragon −  I think you need to seek professional help. There are charities out there that support the families of missing people. They must have had cases like this, where the person is found but wishes to remain uncontacted, before and may be able to point you in the direction of resources you can use, or of support groups that can help you. This is an awful lot for you to cope with on your own and it sounds like outside help would be a good start.

[Reddit User] −  I am sorry, but your parents are not good parents based on what you wrote and commented. Even just what you described is enough of an explanation for why she ran away. Imagine being in her place where the person supposed to take care of you and love you calls you worthless?

However she treats you, she is not a good mom and she has driven your sister away. I’m truly sorry but I think this is the truth and you should try to forgive your sister. If you want to be in her life after you no longer live with your mother, you will probably have to apologize for not standing up for her and be willing to respect her not wanting to see your mother.

She may be upset with you and your brother for standing by and letting her be mistreated as well. This isn’t your fault, but advise if you want to get back in touch with her and for you to think about how your parents really are. Do not blame yourself as You had no point of reference to know.. Edit: some words

everyoneis_gay −  +1 for talk therapy/counselling. It’s totally understandable that you have a lot of anger around this. But if I were her, I would’ve probably run away too. Your mom and Jens are the people who deserve that anger. Regardless, especially with Jens, the anger is really never going to be productive and is only hurting *you*. Therapy to deal with it is the best thing you can do for yourself.

[Reddit User] −  “You are ugly” “loser working in a supermarket” maybe this has something to do with it, if you were in that situation you would have left too.

This story highlights the complex emotions that come with losing someone you love, even if they are still alive but out of reach. Anger, sadness, and confusion are all valid responses to such a heartbreaking situation. Perhaps channeling these emotions into something constructive—like writing, therapy, or helping others—could bring a sense of relief. To those who’ve been in similar situations, how did you cope with a loved one walking away? Share your advice and perspectives in the comments.