My (17F) sister (15F) smells really bad and every time I try to tell her she takes it as teasing.

A 17-year-old girl is worried about her 15-year-old sister’s poor hygiene and cleanliness. Despite multiple attempts to help and guide her, the sister dismisses the concerns as teasing. The situation is affecting the older sister’s well-being, especially since their rooms are next to each other, and she’s unsure how to address it before leaving for college. Read her story below.

‘ My (17F) sister (15F) smells really bad and every time I try to tell her she takes it as teasing.’

Sorry for any errors, I’m writing this on mobile. So my sister has never been one for good hygiene. She didn’t take brushing her teeth seriously until she got two cavities and to this day refuses to brush her tongue so her breath smells bad (I sometimes get on to her about it but she’ll lie and say she did). She’s never really taken care of herself because my mom has always babied her.

Anyway, her bad habits have extended to her room. One of our dogs like to stay in her room, and because of that it will poop and pee on the pee pads we had to start placing. One of her only chores was to pick up the waste and keep her room clean, but she doesn’t. She will literally leave the poop there for days and rarely changes the pee pads, and it’s to the point where I have to go in daily now to do it.

Not only that but she never cleans her mattress (we tried to once together and brown stuff kept coming off the mattress but it’s still not clean) and rarely washes her sheets. Because of all this and more, she smells terrible and I can’t stand the smell of her room (our rooms are right next to each other too so when my door is opened I can smell it).

I have a really sensitive nose and some sensory issues so the stench always sends me into a sensory overload episode and I can’t really stand to be around her anymore. I try to tell her that she needs to wash her sheets and keep her room clean, but she just does the whole “no you” routine because she thinks I’m teasing her.

I don’t know what to do. I’m going to college in a few months so I won’t be able to pick up after her and I don’t want this to keep going into her adult life. Does anyone have any advice on how to get her to listen to me seriously? TL;DR: My sister smells really bad because she doesn’t clean her room up and takes any advice from me as if I’m teasing her. I don’t know how to get her to listen.

Edit: I want to clarify that the dog is a chihuahua and her room isn’t like covered in poop or anything. It’s just that there are small areas where the dog will poop and she’ll just ignore it while she does something else. Also, she usually smells fine after she takes a bath, the problem usually rises when she gets out of her room in the morning until she bathes again (because we generally stay in the living room and hang out in the evenings so she doesn’t really go back in there).

See what others had to share with OP:

walkitbck −  You should say all of this to your mom and your mom should speak to her and make her accountable for actually doing her chores and keeping herself/her room clean. If your parent(s) will allow her to be disgusting that is not something you can fix.

duderancherooni −  “I’m going to college in a few months so I won’t be able to pick up after her and I don’t want this to keep going into her adult life.” I think you have partially answered your own question here. Your parents don’t seem too concerned about holding her accountable and she doesn’t seem too concerned about getting better.

I’m not one for giving absolute advice most of the time, but to me it seems like the only solution here is accepting that it’s not your job to parent or fix her, nor are you able to. Let it go and go to college. She will grow up, or not, on her own time. But sheltering her and trying to fix her problems for her isn’t going to do anything but shield her from the consequences of her lack of hygiene.

You’re going to meet plenty of people in your life who you will feel the need to fix, and often they will be people you deeply care for and don’t want anything bad to happen to. But this is a dangerous path to follow for yourself. Learning when to let others help themselves is a vital skill to learn in order to not end up in codependent or abusive relationships. So the takeaway here is you can only help your sister and yourself by not helping. Easier said than done, but it’s possible.

WitherBones −  Its not normal for people to not care if they smell or if their room is covered in feces. Has she been to the doctor to check for any mental disorders or severe depression? Her natural instincts should be going OFF about literal feces in her room, and the fact that they’re not is a huge warning sign that she’s going through something that is bigger than “she smells”.

If it’s this bad and your parents aren’t checking and making sure that she is washing, brushing, and cleaning her room EVERY DAY, despite knowing the situation, they are criminally negligent. She’s clearly either not being raised, or has mental health concerns they’re not addressing, and either way they’re allowing their child to live in a room full of feces and pee so they’re not meeting the basic requirement of a safe environment… A call to CPS or a conversation with a school counselor may not be out of order.

Dick-the-Peacock −  Your parents are neglecting her (and you, and your dogs) terribly. Like “get CPS and/or Health & Human Services” level n**lect. I don’t care how busy they are, their primary responsibility, legally, ethically morally, etc. is to ensure the welfare of their children, and they are failing her spectacularly, setting her up for a lifetime of poor health. And you, feeling the need to take over the most basic task of providing clean, healthy housing for your little sister, is a tragedy. It probably feels normal to you but it is not.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. PLEASE talk to a trusted counselor or teacher at school. I know it’s terrifying and probably feels risky and sort of like you’re betraying your parents, but your family needs outside help.

JessicaMarie15 −  This might be an obvious question, but have you brought it up with your parents?

[Reddit User] −  Is the dog old or mobility-impaired or incontinent? Or is it using pee pads because it’s stuck in a closed room with your sister and nobody lets it outside regularly? It seems like your family has a case of pet n**lect or even abuse going on. If your parents aren’t being responsible animal owners, maybe you can start taking the dog outside regularly. Get it into the habit so it will go to the door instead of shitting inside. I know it’s another chore you didn’t ask for, but instead of picking up old n**ty pads you’re spending some quality time with a dog who needs some actual love.

mizixwin −  Your sister has issues but your parents are incredibly neglecting. In what world is it okay for a 15 yo to let the dog pee and s**t in her room? That’s neglectful to the dog aswell! Your sister is still a minor and while your mom is not her maid, it is the adults responsibility to provide an healthy environment. That includes getting rid of the dog, if no one in your house can properly take care of it. Adopt the poor thing!

FaradayCageFight −  Can you have a sit down talk with her, just her, and be like, “Look, sis, this is SERIOUS. I’m not kidding and I’m not teasing. I say these things to you because I’m scared for you. Poor body care and mouth hygiene can make you sick and even damage your heart. You probably don’t notice the smell because you’re used to it, but it’s REALLY bad and I’m worried it may cause you a lot of social problems if you don’t learn to deal with it.

I don’t want to hurt your feelings but I’d rather take the hit than have a date drop you in a few years and spread rumors about you being diseased. I’m doing this from a place of love, but another person may use this to hurt you, bully you, and abuse you. I don’t want that. I promise I’m not judging you, I want to help you. I understand that a lot of this can be overwhelming, but you can talk to me about it. Anything you need, it can stay between us.”

Don’t enable her by doing the work FOR her but if she needs taught how to do things or guidance getting organized, or emotional support you can help her. Some ideas that she might find may help (from myself, an adhd depressed potato with chronic pain!):

1. Laundry stripping: mix equal parts washing soda (not baking soda), borax, and oxyclean. Fill bathtub with hot water, add laundry and soap mix. Soak laundry for 8 hours, stirring every hour. When done, run through the washing machine with just water, then dry like normal. You can do this with blankets, bed linens, pillows, clothes, curtains, stuffed animals, area rugs, etc. It will take a TON of the built up residues out of her room. (Also its satisfying AS F**K.)

2. If she can’t remember to take the dog out regularly enough, and alarms don’t help her remember, see about litterbox training the dog so its waste is more contained and sanitary.

3. Borrow a high powered shop vac. Sprinkle the mattress generously with baking soda, let sit for as long as you can but at least half an hour, then vacuum. Flip it over and do the other side. Then use Nature’s Miracle dog pee treatment to spot treat any stains on the mattress. (Even if they’re people stains, the stuff helps break down the smell.)

4. Get allergen-barrier pillow protectors and mattress protectors for her.
5. If her room is carpeted, see if your parents are willing to switch it for something less odor absorbing and easier to clean (I switched my carpet to LVT vinyl tile and its so SO much easier to keep clean).
6. I find it hard to keep my room clean if stuff is “put away” so I use either open shelves, clear bins, or wall hanging to keep my stuff organized in a way that doesn’t leave me ripping everything out of all my drawers trying to Find The Thing.

6. This sounds dumb but certain types of light make it harder for me to function and increase my brain fog. She may want to test out different types, colors, and brightness of bulbs until she finds one that feels right.
7. Make sure her room has a couple different trash cans and hampers for dirty clothes; it’s easier to remember to use them if you have several which are easily accessible.

8. The tongue scraping thing may be a lost cause, but I find grooming is easier to do if it’s fun. I’m a 36 year old adult brushing with a Lion King toothbrush, using kids watermelon toothpaste, and using alcohol free strawberry mouthwash. I only started scraping my tongue regularly when i got a pretty, shiny rose gold scraper that feels nice to touch. You might suggest that to her. It’s better to do the thing than do the thing how boring adults want you to do it. 😉

9. I keep a clear plastic tote in my room for dirty dishes. That makes it easier to keep them contained and remember to take them to the kitchen.
Being 15 is hard. Just do your best to let her know you’re on her side and want to empower her to succeed. This isn’t your responsibility but your mom is treating this as a discipline issue and not using her problem solving skills to figure out what the issue is.

rainyreminder −  Talk to your parents. This is not your job as her sister. Also, take with you or put into secure storage anything you particularly value of your possessions, because your sister is going to spend the next few years letting the dog s**t on everything you leave at home.

Atreaia −  Why is the dog shitting inside the house? Do you guys not take it outside on walks ever? What the hell. Peepads too? Is the dog like disabled or what? If not, it’s serious animal abuse.

A teenage girl standing in a cluttered room with an overflowing trash bin, dirty laundry on the floor, and an unkempt dog bed nearby. She’s sitting on her bed, scrolling on her phone, while her older sister stands in the doorway holding cleaning supplies, looking exasperated but concerned. The contrast between their expressions reflects the tension and frustration.