My (16F) mom (46F) read my journal and is now punishing me for what’s in it. Help!!

A 16-year-old Redditor shares her distress after her mom read her private journal and punished her for its contents. From making her break up with her boyfriend to grounding her and arranging therapy, her mom’s reaction stems from journal entries that included raw emotions, personal reflections, and fictional musings. The teenager is struggling with feelings of betrayal and questions whether her mom’s actions are justified. Read her full story below to understand the conflict and seek insights.

‘ My (16F) mom (46F) read my journal and is now punishing me for what’s in it. Help!!’

Hi, I found this website a few hours ago and have been determining whether or not to post my problem and after reading a few other relationship posts, decided you guys could help me!! I am a junior in high school, I have a boyfriend who is also a junior and we have been dating for a year now. We get along so great and I have very strong feelings for him.

My mom is a single mom, has been since my dad left us when I was seven. I am an only child, I don’t even have any half siblings, so I really only have a few friends and my mom. My mother and I get along well, we bicker and fight every now and then, but it’s usually the normal mother-daughter squabble of “clean this” “clean that” “why didn’t you put this stuff away like I asked.” She has this kind of skew mindset that all guys are douchebags since my dad was obviously one and emotionally abused her for awhile.

(Not aware of anything physical, but I was young and they had been together long before I came along.) When my boyfriend, Jared, first asked me out, she warned me against all forms of abuse and she wanted to meet him. He’s a great guy and she approved and at about the four month mark, took me to get the birth control pills. She didn’t exactly want me having s**, but her exact words to the doctor were, “I can’t stop her, but I can at least protect her.” Which is a totally cool way to look at it from a mom’s point of view.

I don’t have a lot of girlfriends I can confide in, so I confide in this journal I have. I’ve been using it since July 6th of last year and try to update every other day. Sometimes I just rant in it or criticize others or my day, and sometimes I write long passages evaluating myself. I don’t hold back and typically just let it all out just so it’s not up in my mind. I keep the diary on my bookcase between a couple of books. It’s a dark leather bound journal, so it doesn’t stick out unless you’re looking for a unmarked spine in the bookcase.

Well earlier today, at around 8pm, I came home from the movies after a date with Jared. My mom was waiting for me, like usual, in the living room. I figured she wanted to chat me up about my date and the movie, but I noticed my journal in my hand and I immediately freaked out and asked her why she had that. She told me she was in my room putting some stuff away and noticed the journal sticking a little out from the other books. She said she was going to align it with the other books, but noticed it was an unmarked book and opened to figure out it was my journal.

My mom said she was shocked to see what she wrote. She couldn’t believe I wrote so freely and “let the h**red” blind my usually good morals. She then went on to ask me if I was suicidal because I wrote like five or six entries about the ways of suicide and what it meant to me. I denied any of it and told her that not everything in the journal was true, there were stories I wrote in there, too, and I told her that everything in there was written at the heat of the moment. She wasn’t really convinced, though, and told me she was throwing my journal out and was punishing me about everything she read about it.. Punishments:

1. I have to break up with Jared because I wrote too graphically and over romantically about our relationship, even though I spoke nothing of s**, my mother said she was worried I was “in love” with him, even though I’ve never used those words with him or in my journal.
2. I have to see a therapist to discuss the possibility of depression for my entries about different times I was feeling blue and when I discussed suicide, no matter how hard I tried to tell her that my entries are over exaggerated because my emotions were fresh and raw when I wrote.

3. I am not allowed to get my license now for apparently “betraying her trust” and not talking to her about problems this serious. I haven’t broken up with Jared but I’ve been sent to my room and I’m grounded until my mom lifts the sentence. I have my phone but she is turning off mobile and I’m pretty sure she’s confiscating my laptop tomorrow to go through all the stories I’ve written on my computer and to see if she can find anymore diary entries I’ve put on my harddrive (which there are none now, I deleted them.)

I was going to get have my license in two weeks and my grandparents are giving me their old Honda Civic because they got a new car and I was so excited to have this freedom but now I won’t be able to because I wrote innocent things in my journal.

Is my mom right in this? Am I just being a whiny kid who doesn’t know anything, because I don’t feel like I can ever trust my mom again after she breached my privacy, read my secret thoughts, and then punished me for thinking/writing them. Any input would be great and I’ll try to reply or update when I have a computer or wifi..

Check out how the community responded:

_Aggort −  You know what, take her up on the offer and go get therapy. The first session explain to them that you’re there because your mother read your personal diary, I’m sure they’d understand the breach of privacy. Your mom could be the one in need of therapy herself

tbarnes472 −  I have a kid your age and your mom is being nuts. I’m sorry hon. Writing is supposed to be taken as a way to get crap out of your head. My sweet, love everyone 13 yr old writes graphic horror fiction. It’s bloody and sometimes scares her. I appreciate she can come to me to discuss it and while it’s not my thing, I’m an artist but take photo of babies and families, her dad is a musician and has a dark thing to.

She’s an A student, great friend and fantastic big sister. She will help anyone who needs it. She keeps her dark side from her friends but shares with us. She also has never had access to scary movies until recently. She just has dark s**t in her head. Killing people on paper helps her get it out. She’s really damn good at it to. I can’t imagine punishing my kid for the thoughts that run through their head as long as their life is together. But I’m an artist and understand all the crazy crap that swirls in a brain.

Can you talk to your guidance counselor or grandmother? Being a single mom is tough and suicide is scary. I can’t say that wouldn’t have freaked me a bit but again. I’m used to crazy artists so I would have taken what was actually happening into consideration not just a journal entry. If I was going to do that my daughter is already a serial k**ler. Lol. Maybe she needs a professional to reassure her you aren’t an at risk kid. Frankly you sound great to me! Sounds like she is doing a good job. I’m usually pretty good at picking out kids who are a mess, I seem to attract them. You sound like you have your s**t together.

Lets_play_numberwang −  My therapist tells me to write a journal, and to be honest about the things I put. Writing things down is a very healthy way of dealing with things, I think you should take her up on the therapy, but us it deal with your relationship with your mother. I know my mum is pretty annoying in a similar way,and my therapist has help me cope/respond to that significantly.

Also with your permission, the therapist may be able to discuss things together with you and your mom and also explain to her how journals work and how they are a very healthy thing and that despite occasional dark thoughts, this doesn’t mean you are suicidal or not normal… in fact.. for a teenager these are all pretty standard, and your manifesting then in a good way, rather than keeping it all in till you implode.. like u//John_MayerMaynot says:

Why would you punish someone to this extreme if you thought they were suicidal? Wouldn’t you theoretically be exacerbating a situation that could potentially send them to their grave earlier than planned? To me, this is the part that is truly backward.. this is all astounding to me.

You seem very mature compared to a lot of the 16 years I read on here, so I wish you all the luck in the world, and I’m sure this wont hold out for long, explain to your boyfriend if you can whats happened, your mum might make you break up with him in front of her, maybe if you can prewarn him he’ll know its not a real break up as such.

BigAngryDinosaur −  A journal isn’t meant to be taken at face-value, that’s why they’re meant to be very personal and private. Sometimes you need to express your chain of consciousness, let out all your crazy feelings and thoughts and then go back to look at them later and form a better context for your feelings and maybe learn something about yourself. It’s a tool for personal growth.

So for someone to go through your journal and then judge you for what you wrote, and even take punitive measures against you is more than wrong, it’s unforgivable in my opinion. I’ve been married to my wife for 14 years and we share everything about each other. We fart in front of each other and babble nonsense when our minds wander, but I would never look through her journal unless she wants me to see something. Why? Because I know it’s not something I could read and understand where she is coming from and what it means. Many times journal entries don’t have meaning, it’s just venting.

Everyone should know this. Most people respect this. Your mom did something that she may believe is right, but it’s not and it’s very damaging to your relationship with your mother that she would violate your trust. I would write all of this in a letter for her to read and leave it on the kitchen table. Then tell her you’re never going to keep a journal again because of this, and you will not trust her with your privacy and secrets anymore.

If she gives your laptop back (this is all kinds of wrong, this is thought policing) then you download [Truecrypt], its a free program for making a password protected folder on your computer that the g**damn FBI can’t crack. Then go ahead and keep a secret journal, and never, ever let her (or anyone else) intimidate you into giving up the privacy of what goes in your own head. That is yours and yours alone.

[Reddit User] −  It was definitely not cool of your mom to go through your journal. You are correct. And, I feel like she’s over-reacting big time. The only thing I can see her being worried about would be the suicide entries, but that would just be from a protective place where she would want to make sure that if you were suicidal that she gets you the help you need. But, it seems to me you were merely musing and not contemplating it for yourself. So, I think that’s messed up. You have a good take on why she’s wrong, also.

What really stumps me is her motivation. Why would you punish someone to this extreme if you thought they were suicidal? Wouldn’t you theoretically be exacerbating a situation that could potentially send them to their grave earlier than planned? To me, this is the part that is truly backward.

It really sucks that you had to erase those entries from your laptop because of fear of how they may be used against you. It’s good to get your thoughts and feelings out on paper, but it’s also good to be able to go back and reflect on what you wrote, see how you’ve grown, and maybe refine some of the seedier stuff you think has potential… I’m a writer myself and I hate that she’s taking that away from you. She’s possibly stunting your growth!

It seems like she may be obsessing about you instead of dealing with her own issues. If you’re able, I’d get your grandparents involved. If she respects her parents then maybe if you could win them over they could make her see that she’s not only stepped over some boundaries, but is not responding well to a situation that she’s created.

[Reddit User] −  You definitely have the right to feel upset and betrayed. I can understand why your mom may be worried about you, but she had no right to invade your privacy like that + she should try to listen to what you have to say about it, and how writing has been positive for you; she should try to understand.

If anything, if she makes you go to therapy, I would tell the therapist that your journal writing is very therapeutic for you, and I would talk about how you feel betrayed by your mother for reading something as private as a journal. Maybe you could use the therapy time to discuss your relationship with your mother. If your mom will pay for therapy – take advantage of it (this coming from a broke college student). Maybe even using a therapist as a mediator between you and your mother in this situation would be beneficial.

I used to write too when I was younger – my mom found a few things and her reaction was very damaging for me. I stopped writing for years for fear of her reactions again and my depression only got worse… It wasn’t until I was a senior in high school that I realized just how therapeutic journaling was for me and I started again. So don’t stop journaling if it is good for you!

liekafox −  UGGGH this makes me mad just reading this! She’s angry at you for your own personal thoughts? For your feelings? It’s not like you wrote about f**king your teacher and shooting crack in the bathroom stalls? Makes me sick. Punished just for being a young adult.

panic_bread −  You mom is not right. First, she completely violated your trust by reading your journal. As a kid in your house, you don’t have a right to privacy, but any good parent knows that it’s important to provide for your kid. Second, your mother needs to understand that your journal is a space for you to vent and meditate. Nothing you wrote in there was unusual for a teenager and nothing violated her trust.

I could see sending you to therapy for fear that you’re suicidal, but everything else is ridiculous. She should not be punishing you, and she certainly shouldn’t be forcing you to break up with your boyfriend, and she damn well should not take your property. I wish some of us were there to talk some sense into your mom, because this is how you ruin a kid and your relationship with them.

karmaqwe3n −  I had a journal when I was younger, and every now and then, my parents would find it and read it and do the same thing. Mine was a lot worse than yours, and I was younger. By the time I was 16, I found out how to write online in a journal and delete the history. You seem like such an awesome young lady, level headed, mature and well spoken. It’s a shame she invaded your privacy and treated It seemed like she wanted to just be mad at you for something. Maybe offer a heart to heart; no yelling, calmly approach her to discuss it. Good luck!

NotyourTherapist −  Your Mom should not have read your journal. A bad breach of trust. But, what is done is done. Her reaction is way out of line, and quite disturbing.

1) Any parent should know / realise / remember the kind of romantic (or even sexy, or anger filled) gushing over a BF or GF one can do at your age. It is 100% normal, and as your Mom got you on the pill and does not disapprove of Jared and most likely completely accepts that you have / will have a (or several) boyfriends, her making you break up with him is ….well, strange.

Why should she worry about you “being in love”? (whether it was mentioned in the diary or not.) Are you supposed to fall in love only at the age of 26? Tell Jared you are grounded (or whatever the situation is), your Mom wants you to break up, but you won’t do it.

2) Your mom not believing you when you say you are not depressed / suicidal is also very bad. She can’t force you to a therapist (hopefully.) If you decide to go to ‘keep the peace’ or ‘comply with her demands’, or truly feel coerced, show the therapist the diary and insist you are OK and don’t need the therapist.. Or tell her you will go to a therapist if you both go! 3) About the license there is maybe not much you can do.

Why exactly is your Mom punishing you – apparently in every single way she can without crossing legal lines? What is going on here? Why does she want to control every aspect of your life – your relationships (Jared), your mind (therapist), your communication (phone), movements (car)? What is so bad about you in her eyes? Was she at all like this before, heavy on groundings, picking your friends, setting very strict internet times, a bunch of other rules, etc.?

Is she afraid of loosing you to ‘growing up’? Is she using the diary to implement punishment that she wanted to do before but had no excuse for? Is she at heart a mean b**ch whose true colors are showing? Is she struggling with bad problems of her own? Has she just temporarily flipped and will calm down? Did she flip because she read some negative things said about her? (This seems a likely explanation.)

All you can do for the moment, I think, is pursue exactly the line you have – you are not suicidal, it is normal think about and question suicide at age 16, etc.