Mom had an affair 18 years ago, I [18M] am the product of it. My dad just informed me of all this, and told me he will not pay for my college, while my siblings got their college experience paid by our dad.

A young man shared a shocking revelation about his family: after being accepted to college, he learned from his father that he was the result of his mother’s affair. Unlike his siblings, who had their college fully funded by their father, he was told he would receive no financial support.

Feeling abandoned, confused, and unprepared, he’s unsure how to move forward or repair his relationship with his father while grappling with anger toward his mother.

‘ [UPDATE] Mom had an affair 18 years ago, I [18M] am the product of it. My dad just informed me of all this, and told me he will not pay for my college, while my siblings got their college experience paid by our dad.?’

Things have mostly returned to “normal,” considering everything that’s happened. Unfortunately, my grandpa passed away earlier this week, and I’m still processing that loss. It’s been a tough time, but it has shifted the focus away from the tension at home.

I managed to have a conversation with both my parents, and I now have a clearer understanding of where I stand with them and my siblings. Without the help and advice from the comments, I’m not sure I would have had the courage to say what I needed to.

I now know that my parents do love me, and the events of two weeks ago were just an overreaction to an argument between them. My dad’s mental breakdown, especially surrounding my grandpa’s passing, also contributed to his reaction.

Despite everything, my family isn’t going bankrupt, and I have enough support to attend college. My grandpa even left me and my siblings an inheritance, which will help cover my college expenses. The conflict started when I approached my parents about paying for my college right after a huge argument between them.

It was bad timing on my part, and my dad lashed out in a way I wasn’t expecting. However, we’ve since talked things through, and while my mom is still struggling, she’s slowly coming around. She answered more of my questions and helped clarify some things I didn’t understand before.

Reading through all the comments has been a huge eye-opener for me. I didn’t realize how unprepared I was for the realities of financing college, getting a job, managing my own life—especially since I’ve always assumed everything would just fall into place.

I’ve learned a lot about loans, budgeting, and independence. While things are settling back to normal, I know these lessons will help me moving forward. The shift from “I’m going to college” to “you’re not my son and I won’t pay for your college” in a matter of hours was a reality check I wasn’t ready for.

But it also helped me realize that I need to take more responsibility for my future. As for my biological father, I’ve thought a lot about it over the last couple of weeks, and I don’t feel any need to pursue that relationship.

My family is here for me, and that’s all that matters. I’m content with the family I have, and I don’t feel the need to look for someone who wasn’t there when I needed them most. Looking ahead, I plan to get a job and become more independent.

This isn’t about distancing myself from my family, but about making sure I’m prepared for life on my own, should anything happen. My mom admitted that she “babied” me more than my siblings and regrets not preparing me better for what’s coming next.

But despite everything, I now know I’m loved, supported, and I have plenty of options. I thought I was isolated, but my world is wider than I thought—I’ve got my grandparents, siblings, aunt, cousins, and many others who have my back.

Overall, while this situation wasn’t ideal, I believe it was just a weak moment in what is otherwise a wonderful relationship with my family. I’m grateful for all the support I’ve received from the comments and will continue to move forward, stronger and more prepared for the future.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The_Vampire_Barlow −  I just want to say “my sister raised a storm and rode it here” is an amazing turn of phrase.

lazy_qubit −  Sorry about your grandpa, but I’m relieved it ended on a good note. It looks like you’ve already sorted out how you are gonna deal with this from here. Thanks for the update and good luck!

[Reddit User] −  “what makes you think any of them are yours”.. Bruh what the f**k edit: y’all need to chill on the insults, it aint productive. @op, when ya folks likely do divorce, just remember the s**t ya moms pulled on ya step pops. and understand n learn from the mistakes both ya folks made in tryna sweep her infidelity under the rug.

S**t like this can, in fact, be recovered from, but sweepin it under the rug aint the way.

PanickedPoodle −  Sorry, OP, but a big part of becoming an adult is learning that your parents are just flawed human beings. Sounds like you were collateral damage because your parents could never resolve your mom’s infidelity.

You will all get past it. Let your dad know (if you can) that you understand this week has been horribly stressful and that people say things they don’t mean. So sorry about your grandfather.

various_failures −  OP glad to hear this worked out. Sometimes people say mean things on Reddit, but at the end of the day lots of people are just trying to get through life the best they can.

ogwoody007 −  **And their fight escalated from there, and mom told dad something like “what makes you think any of them are yours”. Rare insults my friend. This is not burning the bridge, this is complete destruction of 10 square miles around the bridge.

Claydameyer −  Your last paragraph is spot on. It’s a sobering experience when you realize your parents are winging things just like everyone else. They’re human, imperfect, s**ew up, hurt the ones they love…same as all of us.

Sorry you had to find out the way you did. That experience would have sucks. But hopefully you all move on from there and keep loving each other. Good luck!

BrandonCarlson −  Hey OP – Glad to hear that everything is going better and that your family and you have started to work this out. I can’t imagine how difficult this must have been for all parties involved, you especially.

I’m going to go against the grain of some other comments here and suggest you get that DNA test anyway. Not because you should find the rest of your biological family (I understand how you feel right now about having one family and ONLY one family) but this could change later in life.

Also, more importantly, that second half of your genes could contain any number of medical time bombs that you have a right to know about. Since you don’t know your bio-dad’s family medical history, taking the test would tell you if you’ve been passed any genetic predisposition to certain ailments,

like diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. I would look into genetic testing that ONLY covers medical analysis, just to check this stuff out. Best of luck to you at Uni. I hope you and your family continue to work things out.

[Reddit User] −  dude your mom is fucked up

[Reddit User] −  You know what pisses me off the most… mom. Basically to throw that kind of s**t in the husbands face is such a f**king insult. She had an affair and fucked up. Moved in with affair dude that kicked her out and then her “ex” husbands parents took her in.

They reconcile and try to be a family. What utter trash in an argument to basically say, “Why do you think ANY of them are yours?” Wow, just f**king wow. I would (as the dad) seriously consider divorce. That s**t is water under the bridge and you want to sit here and rub my nose in it again 18 years later?

She needs f**king therapy. And how to actually fight fair. I would be so hurt as the husband to basically be made to relive that s**t because she thinks that stuff is over and done with.