META: Too many AITA commenters advocate too quickly for people to leave their partners at the first sign of conflict, and this kind of thinking deprives many people of emotional growth.

A Reddit user shared their frustration with the tendency of AITA commenters to quickly suggest ending relationships at the first sign of conflict. While recognizing that some situations do require separation, the user argues that abandoning relationships too hastily deprives people of the emotional growth they need.

They emphasize the importance of facing relationship challenges to build empathy, understanding, and communication. Read their full thoughts below.

‘ META: Too many AITA commenters advocate too quickly for people to leave their partners at the first sign of conflict, and this kind of thinking deprives many people of emotional growth.?’

I’ve become frustrated with how quick a lot of AITA commenters are to encourage OP’s to leave their partners when a challenging experience is posted.

While leaving a partner is a necessary action in some cases, just flippantly ending a relationship because conflicts arise is not only a dangerous thing to recommend to others, but it deprives people of the challenges necessary to grow and evolve as emotionally intelligent adults.

When we muster the courage to face our relationship problems, and not run away, we develop deeper capacities for Love, Empathy, Understanding, and Communication. These capacities are absolutely critical for us as a generation to grow into mature, capable, and sensitive adults.

Encouraging people to exit relationships at the first sign of trouble is dangerous and immature, and a byproduct of our “throw-away” consumer society. I often get a feeling that many commenters don’t have enough relationship experience to be giving such advise in the first place.

Please think twice before encouraging people to make drastic changes to their relationships; we should be encouraging greater communication and empathy as the first response to most conflicts.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Wikidess −  Sometimes I’m surprised by how quickly people jump to “leave him/her” in the comments. But I believe many are speaking from personal experience, like they’ve been through some s**t and they see the red flags in OPs situation that maybe they missed in their own, and are hoping to spare OP pain down the road.

TooLateHindsight −  Honestly, if some upvoted internet strangers are the reason a person gives up on their relationship, I don’t believe it was all that strong or going to last to begin with.

flignir −  Too right. This is why I often remind people that THIS IS NOT AN ADVICE SUBREDDIT. We are not here for our commenters to tell you how to live your life. Mobs of strangers on the internet getting only a tiny piece of the story are not a good source of life advice.

We gin each other up, exaggerate outrages, and know nothing of context. For that group to write off the other half of that couple for being CRAZY for this one issue (without even knowing what the issue is!) makes no sense.

RampagingKittens −  This is a validation seeking sub. Not all, but many people are already leaning in a direction and this helps them confirm their gut feelings.

Hearing other people say it helps them listen to the voice nagging them that something is seriously wrong. That said, I always prefer to upvote good advice tempered with maturity and wisdom than a simple “omg leave them”

OkCuspids −  I’m all for giving a chance and having an open mind, but the reason you see a lot of “d**p him/her” is because some of these stories are *ridiculous* scenarios and things that no amount of emotional intelligence and maturity can get most people through.

The only “resolution” is usually just them learning to ‘accept’ it against their will despite not being comfortable with it, and often times quite reasonably so. Sure, some may disagree on some of them, but the reason they say that is because that’s genuinely how they feel, and in a lot of cases, as most have said, they seem to be right.

boudicas_shield −  Eh, when I read a post where an OP is very clearly being abused, I always feel it’s important to point it out. If someone is being abused, they should absolutely be encouraged to leave. You can’t and shouldn’t even try to fix a partner who is a**sive toward you.

A lot of times the scenarios here are so extreme that “leave them” is a justified response. I know that this isn’t an advice sub, but honestly, when I read about someone being horrifically abused.

I’m not going to just sit here and be like “NTA okay bye” because of some arbitrary rule, just like I wouldn’t listen to my neighbour beat the s**t out of his wife every night and shrug it off with “I’m not a cop, it’s not my problem.” I’m going to say.

“Hey, this is abuse and you should probably find a way to safely get out because it’s never ever going to get better—in fact, it’ll probably get worse— and you don’t deserve this.”

crystalinguini −  Reddit has an issue regarding giving advice to people in relationships. This is a huge problem with any sub posting a conflict about a romantic relationship, and I totally agree.

Many people’s catchline phrase is a variation of “RED FLAG OP, LEAVE THEM NOW.” And no matter what people think, this sub is for judging whether YTA or not, not whether you should stay together or not.

comalicious −  On the flipside, not that I entirely disagree with you, but people are often far too forgiving and willing to compromise on their own bare minimum expectations of a loved one. These behaviors often illustrate a pattern. And from my own life experience, people do not change for others, but rather for themselves.

I am a strong proponent of second chances. But I’m also a proponent of being realistic. If the actions taken by your significant other leave you questioning whether or not you can trust or engage in a healthy romance, you should not waste any time moving on.

Pacoz_Tacoz −  Every top comment on relationship comment thread, “OP this is a big red flag you should leave immediately”

pukui7 −  Your post makes sense and I agree with the sentiment. However, there was a post the other day from a young woman with a much older emotionally a**sive boyfriend. She thought she might be the a**hole for how she made money in the past.

Was it wrong to say she’d not be the a**hole for leaving him? Her happy edit was to say she had done so. Then there was recently the guy that had his wife ask for an open relationship because she was digging another man at work. Did the majority advise divorce? I don’t remember exactly.

My point is just wondering about any memory bias you might have in your recall of these threads. What were the most upvoted comments? And what determines “flippancy”? Being brief in a comment doesn’t mean due thought is lacking.

Do you agree that relationships require growth through conflict, or do you believe that some situations are simply irreparable? How should we balance the need for communication with the reality that some relationships may not be healthy? Share your thoughts below.