META: This sub is moving towards a value system that frequently doesn’t align with the rest of the world?
A Redditor shared their concerns about the evolving values of a popular advice sub, noting that the community’s judgments often seem out of sync with real-world norms. They observe that on this platform, posts often receive unanimous verdicts that don’t reflect everyday expectations, where actions that may technically be “fair” still come off as selfish or inconsiderate to others.
The post questions if the online trend toward individualistic decisions could use more balance with real-world, community-minded perspectives. Read the full post below for a thoughtful look at the gap between online advice and everyday social expectations.
‘ META: This sub is moving towards a value system that frequently doesn’t align with the rest of the world?’
I’ve enjoyed reading and posting on this sub for many months now, and I feel like I’ve noticed a disconcerting trend, lately. Over time, more and more of the posts seem to have A- a universal consensus on every post, with any dissenters massively downvoted and B- a shift towards judgments that seem (to me at least) to be out of step with how people in the real world judge situations.
Given that, I think it’s important to remember that even though the sub is not intended to be for validation posts or to be an echo chamber or to give advice on how people should behave in specific situations- in practice, a lot of times it is. So just as a reminder- offline, people in your real life will think you’re an a**hole if you take the last cookie when you know the child behind you wants it.
They’ll think you’re an a**hole if you don’t stand up for an elderly person on a bus. They’ll think you’re an a**hole if you don’t go out for drinks with your co-workers once in a while. They’ll think you’re an a**hole if you don’t try to be involved in your child’s life, no matter how much support you pay. They’ll think you’re an a**hole if you can’t help out your brother with babysitting once in a while, even if you’re childfree.
They’ll think you’re an a**hole if you wear nothing but underwear in your own home when your roommate has guests over. They’ll think you’re an a**hole if you can’t detour for 10 minutes a day to carpool with a co-worker for a week while his car is in the shop.
The internet has its own values, and that’s fine. But in the real world, people who can’t just go along to get along most of the time? People who don’t want to mildly inconvenience themselves to help out the people around them? People who don’t seem to put any stock into the idea of collectivism? The people around them are going to consider them to be assholes.
So yeah. I love this sub, I love reading the stories and I find it very interesting to hear people’s opinions. But I personally think that probably more than 50% of the time, the people I know in real life would disagree with the sub’s judgement of who’s the a**hole in a given situation. I don’t know if the disparity is just because of reddit’s demographics, or because people with alternate perspectives see the writing on the board and don’t want to get down voted to oblivion.
So even if you get 4000 replies on reddit saying that you’re totally in the right, if everyone in your real life thinks you’re an a**hole, well… there’s probably a reason for that. And maybe this is just me, but I really wish we could have more discussion about if someone is being an a**hole if they’re being inconsiderate or s**fish, even if they don’t technically “owe” anyone anything. Or maybe you believe that people offline are wrong, and we should continue to promote the individualistic value system seen on reddit both on and offline. That’s a discussion worth having too.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
mdeev − People here are too hung up on things that they’re technically or legally allowed to do, often at the expense of socially acceptable behavior.
teke367 − I think “common courtesy” is a lost concept here ~~somethings~~ sometimes. Sure you bf/gf/fwb doesn’t “own you” and doesn’t get to tell you what to wear/do, but if you do something without *any* consideration for that person, you’re probably an a**hole.
saltierthangoldfish − I really wish we could have more discussion about if someone is being an a**hole if they’re being inconsiderate or s**fish, even if they don’t technically “owe” anyone anything. This has really become one of my main problems with the sub.
Commenters are often talking about people not being “entitled to” any sort of kindness. That may be true, but avoiding being kind, gracious, or helpful unless it benefits you is kinda the definition of assholery. Edit: thanks everyone for the awards and discussion! wish I had time to respond to everyone 💕
PartyClass − I use this sub mostly to read drama, and see some other’s perspectives. While it’s good to challenge your current method of thought, this sub really shouldn’t be the standard of moral arbitration.
pumpnectar9 − While I find this notion accurate to a degree, I’ve lately noticed far more OBVIOUS not-the-a**hole posts. The picture painted is completely one-sided, obtuse, and it’s transparent that the person posting is desperately trying to be validated or “right” as opposed to actually wondering if what he/she did is immoral or unethical, or just overall unbecoming. I suppose this could be part of what OP is talking about, though.
ealoft − I spoke at length about this topic with a seasoned Redditor. The person said that all subs eventually turn into a “circle j**k” with little to no diversity in opinion. I can’t say that I have been able to prove her wrong.
420BlazeArk − This sub has kinda lost its purpose in that it’s become “am I technically in the wrong here,” when in reality one of the most common forms of a**hole behavior is when somebody is “technically correct” but not taking other people’s feelings into account.
Also the amount of anti-child rhetoric is insane here, and I’m shocked by how many people seem to believe that if a guy has unprotected s** with a woman but doesn’t want a baby, she should be forced to have an a**rtion or raise it on her own.
DrMantisTabboggn − “Your ___, your rules” comments should be banned.
sslyth_erin − Yeah I’ve noticed people tend to stick to the most literal interpretation of an event. Like, “You got on the train first, you’re not obligated to give up your seat” sure but you’re still an a**hole for sitting smug and self satisfied while an elderly man stands on the train, but I hope you enjoyed the validation I guess.
revolution_starter − What I dislike is that even innocent but opposite statements are downvoted to oblivion. I literally saw a post where OP replied “how?” to a comment and got like 50 downvotes.
Do you think online values and real-world expectations are diverging, or are these online perspectives more forward-thinking? How would you balance personal rights with social expectations? Share your thoughts on this evolving dynamic in the comments below!
